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Was he sulking?

(42 Posts)
kinter Sun 23-Apr-17 17:26:39

OH made himself a pot of coffee then went into another room. It was one of those small cafetiere pots that fill one mug or three (?) espresso cups. Accidentally, I knocked it off the worktop. Big smash, lots of tiny shards of glass, coffee everywhere. It's a hard floor.

I said whoops! and set about clearing up the mess—mop, brushes, collecting bits of glass carefully, etc. When all was done, I took OH his shoes as he was only in socks, just in case I'd missed any shards. I said I thought it was safe to go back in the kitchen and then made a comment or two (positive and factual) about the colour of some Cuprinol that he'd painted on the bike shed.

He grunted that he'd heard me, or maybe it was a nod. This is major communication for him so I thought all was fine.

I came and sat down in the living room, with a cup of tea, and said I'd got out a new coffee pot for him to use (I've been known to break cafetieres before so try to have a spare). He said, accusingly I thought, and with emphasis, that he was waiting for things to return to how he'd left them.
I told him I hadn't made the coffee because the last time I made some for him his comment was "There's no coffee in it" (I take coffee quite weak but I had tried to make it stronger for him).

He then lectured me on the principle that when you break something of someone else's you should replace the broken thing/get things back to the state they were in. I agree with this principle but explained that I hadn't wanted to waste coffee and reminded him about the last time. He could not accept this as a point of view even though he must have known I wasn't being deliberately nasty to him, just that....
Nope, he was stuck at the unchangeable principle of the thing and the lack of mitigating circumstances.

If he'd asked me to remake the coffee when I brought his shoes, I would have done but I'm just expected to know what he wants or is thinking without being told. I haven't a clue quite often a lot.

I think his uncompromisingness, and assumptions of low standards on my part when he knows better, is sulking. Is it?

I made a fresh pot of coffee once I understood he was going to be intransigent and a mega-grump otherwise.

ProudBadMum Sun 23-Apr-17 17:27:44

If he'd have lectured me I think I'd have broken the next one and fucked off to pub

Smeaton Sun 23-Apr-17 17:30:27

I'm sorry did you say this person is your partner or your dad?


Trb17 Sun 23-Apr-17 17:31:07

If my DH had reacted like that I'd have told him to STFU and get over himself. Yes he was sulking and I would not have made him the coffee after that on principle.

SmileEachDay Sun 23-Apr-17 17:31:44

"Waiting for things to return to how he'd left it"

That's incredibly PA.

I dislike this sort of behaviour a lot.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia Sun 23-Apr-17 17:31:45

I would most certainly not have made him coffee after a petulant brattish lecture...mind you i probably would never have made him one after his previous criticisms

he never even showed his face to check you were okay after the crash of the accident???...what a fucking tool!

He'd be waiting a long time in hell before I lifted a finger to do anything for him ever again tbh.

Squirmy65ghyg Sun 23-Apr-17 17:34:43

It's what I used to put up with from abusive exh.

The mind reading. The changing of the goal posts. The moods. The drama over nothing.

First time I broke something (glass) at DPs house, I was mortified and overly apologetic, he was like er it's a glass, chill out? He's lovely.

Exh was an utter shit.

humblesims Sun 23-Apr-17 17:34:52

Is he always like that? I would not have made him another coffee.

Birdsgottaf1y Sun 23-Apr-17 17:36:09

He's a knobhead.

I like my tea a certain way and because of that accept that I will not be made a cup of tea by anyone, under any circumstances.

In principle, he's sort of correct, but not when it's someone that you live with.

Sex would most definitely be off the cards.

KateDaniels2 Sun 23-Apr-17 17:36:11

He sounds very childish in his reactiom and how he spoke to you.

But then it seems a bit odd that you knocked his drink on the floor. Then made yourself a drink and sat down. If i knocked someones drink over i would make a new one or at least offer.

That doesn't excuse his dickish behaviour though.

Didyoumeantobesorude1 Sun 23-Apr-17 17:37:56

So...a "grunt" or a "nod" constitute major communication from the person you have chosen to spend your life with?
Is there really any reason for staying?

Squirmy65ghyg Sun 23-Apr-17 17:39:16

That a grunt is "major communication" says it all. No way to live OP.

Trifleorbust Sun 23-Apr-17 17:39:21

It was an accident. He sounds like a total dick.

TwitterQueen1 Sun 23-Apr-17 17:45:04

Why are you with this person? He sounds truly horrible.

DonaldStott Sun 23-Apr-17 17:46:46

What an utter bellend.

kinter Sun 23-Apr-17 17:50:52

I put it down to undiagnosed autism. He's not a horrid person. He doesn't get other people's way of thinking even when they explain it and can't 'back down' even to say something like "OK, I get where you're coming from but I'd like you to make another pot of coffee."

Armadillostoes Sun 23-Apr-17 17:51:39

OP he sounds horrible! Why are you with someone who behaves like this? Punishing you for not responding in the way he thinks appropriate is neither normal nor okay.

Chillidawg Sun 23-Apr-17 17:51:47

Anytime my DH told me he was waiting for me to put things back as they were, I'd be happy to oblige him.
Pack his fucking suitcase and send him home to his mother. Things back as they were in 1987 matey.

Trb17 Sun 23-Apr-17 17:59:35

Chillidawg grin this grin

ferriswheel Sun 23-Apr-17 18:05:03

Speaking as someone who is divorcing an ea stbxh I find it alarming that you keep a spare cafetiere. Undiagnosed autism is not the same as mean pig. You sound like you are so used to walking on eggshells you don't even know you are doing it.

ijustwannadance Sun 23-Apr-17 18:07:36

Why does every bellend DP/DH posted about about lately have undiagnosed autism? It isn't an excuse for treating people like shit.

kinter Sun 23-Apr-17 18:12:58

Ferriswheel, I did argue my case quite strongly. People are right though, I shouldn't have given in to shit like that.

Squirmy65ghyg Sun 23-Apr-17 18:13:25

Doesn't matter what the cause could possibly be, he sounds horrible.

He was horrible to you.

ferriswheel Sun 23-Apr-17 18:17:23

Honestly, pm me if you want. I have cried for years about a million cafe tier misunderstandings.

Smeaton Sun 23-Apr-17 18:20:59

I'd put it down to the fact he's a knob head, find someone that isnt. Don't live your one and only life constantly making excuses for twat behaviour because you don't want to be alone.

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