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Aibu to expect my mil to be more involved?

(13 Posts)
Womaninwonderland Sun 23-Apr-17 08:54:17

My mil has her other grandchildren roughly every other weekend whilst there mum her dil is working (a job that she can take the children along). My mil Sees my daughter roughly once every six-right weeks even though we only live twelve miles apart. This has always been the way it is and I have just begrudgingly accepted it. Recently my own mum passed away and I feel that it would be nice if my mil made more of an effort to spend more time with our daughter. Has anyone else had a similar experience and how did you deal with it. Thank you for reading

Euphemia Sun 23-Apr-17 08:56:03

Do you know why she sees less of your DD? Is she closer to her other son than your DH? Are the other grandchildren older or younger than yours?

Dishwashersaurous Sun 23-Apr-17 08:56:52

Every six weeks seems quite a lot on its own. It's not once or twice a year.

What are the ages of the children?

FishInAWetSuitAndFlippers Sun 23-Apr-17 08:57:59

Have you asked her to come over more often?

RainbowsAndUnicorn Sun 23-Apr-17 09:00:04

Do you ask her to come and visit, invite her along on outings etc or by "spending more time with your daughter" you mean free childcare?

KateDaniels2 Sun 23-Apr-17 09:01:24

There can be tons of reasons for this.

Mum sees my kids more than dbros.

Because we visit
We invite them round
Dbros wife is really rude to them
Dbro only contacts them when he wants something
We are happy for our parents to drop in, dbro isnt
We all arrange days out, dbro never does and declines invitations

Of course it could be that looking after 2 grandchildren a few days a week knackers her out. Or that she wants time on her own.

I am sorry for your loss. I assume your mum was quite involves with your kids and you were ok with the status quo then. Maybe MIL hasnt realises you want things to change.

KateDaniels2 Sun 23-Apr-17 09:02:44

Oh and kids agea could be a factor.

My kids are older. Mum struggles with dbros as there are 2 under 3.

JustMumNowNotMe Sun 23-Apr-17 09:03:11

Well, do you actually invite her over?

CMamaof4 Sun 23-Apr-17 09:03:35

My mil has never even met my children, Sees/spends time with the other grandchildren. We live about 10 minutes by car all the rest live over an hour away.
Her loss.
You can't make people care or want to spend time with children so why bother.
I used to get upset about it but now I just think she was such a negative horrible person anyway my kids aren't missing out.
Your DC has you that cares and loves her and what a lucky little girl she is too, Sorry for your recent loss op flowers

R2G Sun 23-Apr-17 09:03:46

Do you need her to help more in a practical way? Ie are you at work too and your mum supported you practically before she passed? If it is just a case that you would like her to see yours more often I think you should be more understanding that she is busy helping her daughter and just pick up the phone to her, see if she has any plans with them, and invite her to yours with the cousin in tow and all go for a walk or something and spend the quality time together? Or send one of your kids over too as a playmate. Whatever works. There's only so many hours in the day OP sounds like MIL pulling in lots of directions

BarbarianMum Sun 23-Apr-17 09:40:31

Did you want her to be more involved when your mum was still alive? What did you/your dh do to make her welcome? Do you get on with her?

And also - what is this job of your SiL where she can just take the kids along?

Womaninwonderland Sun 23-Apr-17 13:32:09

My daughter is 6 cousins are 8 and 5. My mil favours the oldest grandchild to the point that people have made comments when all three grandchildren are together. I don't need any help in looking after my daughter as I work term time only and have holidays etc off. When my mum was alive the relationship was the same between mil and dd I used to invite mil over when my mum visited as she lived over 160 miles away so we could all go out together, we invite mil over for Sunday lunch and outings but she is not keen on outings with us. I do get in with my mil we have been to concerts, shopping, days out etc together. She is a person who I do want in my dd's life.

milliemolliemou Sun 23-Apr-17 14:02:29

Just tell her that, OP - you want her in your DD's life because she's such a great role model/helpful friend. Do it face to face. Tell her you're not looking for free childcare, just a more frequent relationship. Then listen to what she says and keep your hat on.

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