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To ask how to stop giving a shit?

(4 Posts)
BubbleBall Sat 22-Apr-17 20:40:35

I'll try to keep this as brief as I can, but I'm fucked off and probably in danger of ranting a bit. I don't have many friends I can talk to so I tend to offload here. Longtime poster, frequent namechanger.

DP and I have lived together just under a year, for the majority of this I have been a SAHM as I was on medical leave from work. DP works full time and so I took on everything at home; housework, shopping, childcare, transporting everyone to work/school/activities (DP doesn't drive). As much as i was tired and found it a slog I got on with it as DP was the one out working (though we split all costs down the middle as I was on paid leave and earned roughly the same).

I admit to resenting DP for it a bit- he works office hours and would get home, put his feet up and not move for the rest of the evening whereas if there was still chores needing done I'd still be "working" well into the evening so to speak. At weekends, it would be the same- this is his time off but I'd keep up with housework etc and not really get a day off unless we were actually out of the house. Maybe once a week he'd make dinner or take bins out if asked but not much more than that and never without me having to ask.

I went back to work a fortnight ago, I have a physically demanding job with long shifts and obviously its a big adjustment for me going back after being off for ages. I am exhausted. DP has carried on as normal and I admit to letting things go at home so the house is messy and kitchen/bathroom properly in need of a good clean.

My son is away on a residential school trip and I was looking forward to blasting the housework to get back on par and then enjoying a relaxing weekend with DP after a long week. I got up early, powered through the washing, did the shopping and tidied the bedrooms then went back to bed so we could enjoy a lie in. DP has better things to do than to help with the rest and has buggered off to do his hobby leaving the guts of the cleaning for me.

He has friends coming round tomorrow and I have been invited out. There's no way I'm comfortable letting people in with the state of the place, I'd be embarrassed but another part of me thinks that this is DP's problem, they are his guests and i wont be here anyway so he can deal with it.

I know I'll cave in and clean it so that the place is presentable for him and his friends tomorrow, but why the fuck should I? We are both working out of home full time now, why should I feel so responsible. How do you stop feeling responsible for these things when they are not really your problem?

MsJudgemental Sat 22-Apr-17 20:43:28

Go out and enjoy yourself. His problem.

Euphemia Sat 22-Apr-17 20:48:55

Don't you bloody dare cave! His guests, his problem! Go out and have fun.

Big chat about responsibilities later.

BubbleBall Sat 22-Apr-17 20:51:52

My head is telling me that Ms, but I can't shake my need to just get on with it so that the place is ok tomorrow.

I feel like if its gets left and people judge it will be my fault even though its family mess and I've done my fair share already today.

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