Talk

Flip

AIBU?

Feeling disrespected by husband and eldest child

7 replies

bellarosa81 · 22/04/2017 20:12

Well Also a bit of wwyd...sorry it's long!

I recently gave birth to My third Child and have Been feeling quite down. We moved to a New town and i have No friends here other Than family. I feel little desire to get out and be social and rarely leave the house. I have No interaction with Any One other Than the 4 other people i live with. I accept i must try harder though and make more effort.

My eldest Child took the move quite badly and hates us for leaving her
Friends . Her behaviour is rude and disrespectful and she says it is because she misses her Friends - which i empathise with! but told her she has to take responsibility for her behaviour .
As parents we have sat her down , made rules about how we treat each other and what we expect /values etc.

However lately i feel like i just can't be the parent i want to be. I'm exhausted from breast feeding round the clock. I cry all the Time. My husband and eldest dont respect the values and behaviours we talked about and i think they are inconsiderate .

Am i expecting too Much ? I can't think clearly anymore so that's why i'm asking for advice.

OP posts:

Report

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 22/04/2017 20:18

She's bound to be acting out, she's been moved from her friends, likely a new school and a new sibling to contend with. That's a lot for a child to cope with.

What effort have you made to allow her to see her old friends and not feel isolated etc.

Report

UppityHumpty · 22/04/2017 20:20

If your dh tolerates her poor behaviour then let him deal with the repurcussions for a bit. You need to focus on your recovery.

Report

bellarosa81 · 22/04/2017 20:26

She's been to visit them twice - the last was when it was her birthday- in January. She stayed the weekend and they gave her a party.
(We moved in September and live four hours away ) . A group of them are also coming to us in the summer which we'd planned before the move.

She adores her new sibling and in that respect is very helpful and caring but yes I know it's a lot .
She sees a psychologist once a week to chat and discuss her feelings.

OP posts:

Report

bellarosa81 · 22/04/2017 20:30

Yes uppity I agree ....often I feel it's just me that wants these behaviors and values so what's the point?
Even though we discuss everything as a family !
I thought we had decided what is important to all of us . I'm the only one getting upset about it.

OP posts:

Report

UppityHumpty · 22/04/2017 20:54

Let it go then. Tbh you're fighting a losing battle if it's just you. Make it clear to dh that he's handling the repurcussions of poor behaviour as a result though.

Report

TeenAndTween · 22/04/2017 21:31

She sees a psychologist once a week to chat and discuss her feelings.

Is there more going on than you are letting on? This seems a bit OTT for what you have described.

How old is she?

How much effort have you put into helping her settle in your new location, such as inviting new friends round or joining clubs?

Report

bellarosa81 · 22/04/2017 21:46

She hasn't had many new friends round to be honest ....she has two sporting activities outside of school which are quite demanding .

When I ask her about friends coming over /hanging out she says she doesn't want to or doesn't need to . I told her that she needs to make a bit more effort with this , as do I, and we had a laugh about that together! As in we both need to be a bit more positive about making new friends.

She is twelve .
The psychologist was recommended first as a family when we first talked about her behavior and then offered to her as something she could do by herself in order to discuss things without us being there. She has some problems with anger and impulse control. She is not physically aggressive but can get very angry.