Advanced search

AIBU in thinking there should be some help surely !

(28 Posts)
Lonelymummyof1 Sat 22-Apr-17 17:58:19

Background :
My mum is in her 50s and has worked all her adult life until last year she suffered a mental breakdown and was very very depressed even led to a women who has never done anything wrong in her life all of a sudden being arrested and forced to resign from job.

The doctor had signed her off but when she had an interview for who ever it is that decides on whether your fit to work they said she was fit too work.

Recently she has been getting worse, taking way too many pain killers and not sleeping etc
Living off pretty much nothing as job centre somehow only supported her for I think 6 months and then her housing benefit stopped.
We found out today that she has been hiding that she is being evicted from her housing association flat in 4 weeks !
She is over 8k of debt with them and has done some stupid things.
Never turned up at court and has not opened any mail in months.

I have no idea how to help her ???

Babyroobs Sat 22-Apr-17 18:04:44

She needs to re- apply for ESA, if they turn her down she needs to appeal. She needs to send as much medical evidence as possible.
Can any family help clear the housing arrears before she gets evicted?
I think she needs to seek advice rom CAB for all the issues and stepchange for the debt issues.

Babyroobs Sat 22-Apr-17 18:08:41

Just to add, if she has had depression for more than 3 months ( sounds like she has), she needs to apply for PIP. Again get as much medical evidence and get advice on filing out the forms. if she is overdosing on pain killers etc, she needs supervision and is unsaf to be alone. these issues need to be addressed on the forms. You will need to send psychiatrists reports, drs letters, lists of medications. Does she see a counsellor or have any kind of therapy?

Babyroobs Sat 22-Apr-17 18:10:21

if you are on facebook there is a very good support group entitled ESA/ DLA / PIp info and support. Please join it the advice from the moderaters is spot on and others can help and support you. Good luck.

ProfYaffle Sat 22-Apr-17 18:13:00

CAB - can help with debt advice and support applications for PIP/ESA etc. Might be worth talking to the housing association as a matter of urgency, they're sometimes willing to agree to repayment plans in order to prevent homelessness. If she can demonstrate she's getting proper advice they may look favourably on her situation.

19lottie82 Sat 22-Apr-17 18:16:23

Yes she needs to re apply for the PIP and if she gets rejected again, re apply AGAIN.

My cousin has been ill all of his life, has learning disibilities, chronic asthma, had a kidney transplant, can't walk more than 50 metres without stopping, has no short term memory and he recently had his benefits revoked! It's clear within 30 seconds of meeting him that there is no way he could work.

They had a meeting with some sort of third party advisor who said you need to re apply TWICE before they will be re instated. So don't give up.

Babyroobs Sat 22-Apr-17 18:20:05

if Pip is refused, you need to ask for a mandatory reconsideration. if that is turned down you go to appeal where you go before a panel. Hopefully this won't happen but it sounds like your mum will need a lot of support which is where you and CAB come in.
it sounds like it was ESA she applied for though - this is an income replacement benefit for when you are too ill to work and have no income.
Esa and PIp and housing benefit and council tax reduction should be the main benefits for someone in her situation.

Lonelymummyof1 Sat 22-Apr-17 18:28:36

Thats the problem she needs someone that is able to help and I can not do it.
I do not have the time.
I have a very poorly 3 year old in the middle of treatment next week alone we have surgery and 4 other appointments to attend.
She needs 24 hour care
I feel useless

Babyroobs Sat 22-Apr-17 18:32:17

I think if she is vulnerable and has no-one else to help then you need to contact social services or her GP as she clearly needs support.
Do you have any siblings ? Has she got a community psychiatric Nurse, who has been responsible for her care so far since she has been ill ?

Oldsu Sat 22-Apr-17 18:41:12

Its not a case of somehow only supported her for I think 6 months and then her housing benefit stopped'. the 6 months would have been contribution based JSA then she would have had to apply for either means tested JSA or ESA for income based.

Her HB would have been stopped because she was not claiming a passported benefit

Did she apply for ESA and has she had a work capability assessment

This link will help

Has anyone contacted CAB on her behalf or if she is over 55 then Age UK have benefit advisors who can help

Have you or anyone else contacted the housing association to try and get the eviction stopped, HB and CTR can be claimed if a person has nil income you don't have to be on benefits to claim

PIP seems now to be only available for mobility issues its getting harder for people with MH issues to get, and in any case its not a passported benefit for free prescriptions/eye tests/dental work nor (as far as I am aware ) is it a benefit that includes NI credits which she will need for her future pension.

Lonelymummyof1 Sat 22-Apr-17 18:44:03

This is the thing she had been going to therapy but have not known her to for ages !
She worked for a popular chain supermarket full time and lots of extra hours for 10 years.
She started coming home with stories about someone at work stealing and conspiracy theories of who it was and at this point we noticed she was popping alot of pain killers.
Then it turns out the whole time it was her ( completely out of character )
She had therapy for a while and was going to gp but that all seems to have stopped to.

Lonelymummyof1 Sat 22-Apr-17 18:46:11

Oldsu I literally found out about the eviction today.
So have done nothing.
She has not said anything to anyone and so there has not been much chance to help.

gamerchick Sat 22-Apr-17 18:48:51

You'll need to contact social services and force them to help if you can't. She obviously can't help herself.

It's the reality of mental health now. If family don't step up then it's the luck of the area you live in for help.

gamerchick Sat 22-Apr-17 18:53:45

Find your balls of steal, get ready for guilt when you are judged harshly IRL for not taking her in.

Good luck. It's the last thing you need atm flowers

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sat 22-Apr-17 18:56:43

PIP is not only available for mobility issues, it can be available if you need aids/prompting/help with daily living activities (e.g. Cooking, medicines, dressing, budgeting).

I'd suggest seeing if she can see CAB/Shelter before things get worse.

Babyroobs Sat 22-Apr-17 18:58:43

I don't think anyone would judge you for not helping her op, you have a lot on your plate. But someone needs to and needs to get the help in place quickly. Your mum needs someone - a social worker or mental health professional to oversee things if a family member can't.
Speak to social services first thing Monday morning.

TheHobbitMum Sat 22-Apr-17 19:00:02

Not sure if this has been suggested but for the HB arrears with the flat then she should apply for discretionary housing benefit to help. I hope her appeal goes through for PIP

Lonelymummyof1 Sat 22-Apr-17 19:02:53

I am going to ring around on monday and see what I can do.
I am going to help, she can move in with me of she loses the flat as I would never ever leave her alone and on the street.
Maybe I should of thought of this before i neglected her unitentionally.
Thankyou will contact social services and CAB

MatildaTheCat Sat 22-Apr-17 19:04:52

Contact CAB and Mind to see if anyone can advocate for her. SS may not be able to help but her GP might be able to ask. She sounds very vulnerable.

Hope something works out. Is there no other family to step in?

Babyroobs Sat 22-Apr-17 19:08:05

It doesn't even sound like she's applied for pIp has she op? It can be a lengthy application process so don't expect immediate money. It usually involves an assessment.
The phone number to apply for the Pip 2 form is 0800 917 2222- they will ask a few questions, you will need your mums bank account number and NI number.
ESA will be quicker to claim and can be sorted quicker usually within a couple of weeks. The quickest way to do it is by phone but it does take a while- they will need details of all income, housing costs etc.
The phone number to apply for ESA is 0800 055 66 88
You can start these processes quickly yourself.

gamerchick Sat 22-Apr-17 19:09:05

We don't expect our parents to need our help in that way OP. We expect them to need us in their old age as is the natural order of things. You haven't done anything wrong.

An appointment with her and her GP might be a decent step as well to make sure she has any medications she needs.

Tumtitum Sat 22-Apr-17 19:12:12

Phone her GP and ask them to refer her to her local CMHT. With her mental health issues and social issues (which are clearly linked to her not coping) they should take her on and can support her with all those things. Where are you based?

Lonelymummyof1 Sat 22-Apr-17 19:16:48

The PIP/esa confuses me, she was receiving one of them and had to attend a meeting which was quite far away.
She never told me to afterwards and said she had a panic attack on the way there so she never went and they stopped her money.
Basically after today what I can gather is she has just buried her head in the sand and shut herself away.
There is piles of letters un opened ( my toddler ripped the eviction notice letter open )
She did not attend court for the rent arrears and has stopped attending therapy.
I have an older sister and to be honest when younger she was the one to deal with all this stuff as I was just a pre teen / teen during her first break down.
My sister was under her clutch for a long time got in to debt for her and had v little time to have a life.
She has just finally moved out with a boyfriemd and got her dream job.
I rang her though and she is going to come tomorrow so that we can both sit down and talk to mum.

summersloegin Sat 22-Apr-17 19:20:20

What brought on the breakdown?

Babyroobs Sat 22-Apr-17 19:21:39

If the money got stopped because she didn't go to an assessment that sounds like ESA. Any money from a PIP award wouldn't start being paid until you had been to an assessment.
So you need to ring ESA first thing Monday and explain the situation, and ask for another assessment or you may need to start a new claim.
Make sure someone goes with her this time and that she sends all the evidence they ask for.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: