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For pushing 17 year old DS to get a job?

(99 Posts)
WickedWitchoftheWestCountry Sat 22-Apr-17 16:12:04

(Regular poster but nc)

I don't think IABU but its becoming a real bone of contention so want to see what others think.

DS is 17, nearly 18, and in his 1st year of a Btec extended diploma. He works hard at college (he's doing something he loves). He's got a nice gf, lots of friends, social, but no excessive drinking, etc, so all ok.

However he's doing nothing about looking for a pt job. He's had a couple of jobs since leaving school which just seemed to end (apparently not needed anymore), but since November he's not worked at all and is doing nothing about it, despite me constantly being on his case, offering to help with CV, etc.

I give him money for lunch and bus fares and I pay for his phone, but that's it, he just doesn't seem bothered about having money at all.

I worked pt from when I was 16 and believe it's good for young people to work and earn their own money and want to install a good work ethic in him. But basically he's lazy.

My question is how much of an issue should I make this? I'm thinking of saying I won't pay for his phone after next month of he's not working. Or should I just let him focus on college and get off his back?

StillDrivingMeBonkers Sat 22-Apr-17 16:15:10

Yes. He's at school. Presumably you're claiming child allowance for him?

19lottie82 Sat 22-Apr-17 16:17:09

still he's not at school, he's at college?

HermioneJeanGranger Sat 22-Apr-17 16:17:26

Hmm, I would say you'll fund his phone and necessities until 18 but then he needs to be ready to pay for them himself.

Does he work hard at college?

StillStayingClassySanDiego Sat 22-Apr-17 16:19:25

Ds3 is 17 and doesn't have a job. I'm of the opinion that as long as he's working hard on his A levels I'm not going to push him to get part time work.

Ds's 1 and 2 decided to get jobs in their second year, I think ds3 will probably do the same.

StillDrivingMeBonkers Sat 22-Apr-17 16:20:11

19lottie82 School. College. 6th form. Call it what you like. He's in compulsory education. Honestly. What is with some of you who are so literal? You know EXACTLY what I mean.

upperlimit Sat 22-Apr-17 16:22:26

So you want him to work because you think it is good for him or because you do the want to pay for the things you listed?

Because if it is just the former, then I think concentrating on college alone is fine and, as you say, he is working hard on his studies.

upperlimit Sat 22-Apr-17 16:23:05

Sorry, or because you don't want to pay for those things you listed in the op

19lottie82 Sat 22-Apr-17 16:25:18

still to me there is a difference between school and college. Chances are he won't be in all day every day, like he would be at school.

So no, I don't know exactly what you meant. School is school and college is college.

StillDrivingMeBonkers Sat 22-Apr-17 16:26:43

Well it's pointless talking to someone like you as you lack any form of comprehension.

19lottie82 Sat 22-Apr-17 16:26:51

OP if he's not bothering you for money apart from bus fare, lunches and his phone then I wouldn't push him too much.

Unless he wants £10 a day and a brand new iPhone contract, that is.

19lottie82 Sat 22-Apr-17 16:27:41

still oh the irony. grin

WickedWitchoftheWestCountry Sat 22-Apr-17 16:27:55

Bonkers he's at 6th form College.To be clear, I don't want him to work as I want money from him! It isn't really about money tbh, it's just I sort of feel it's good for him to be working part time.

But maybe I'm wrong and should just let him focus on college? That's what I'm trying to work out.

WickedWitchoftheWestCountry Sat 22-Apr-17 16:30:34

Lottie his phone costs me £30 a month, but that was my decision and part of his birthday present 2 years ago.

I'm thinking about telling him I'll stop paying for the contract as a way of pushing him into looking for a job, it's not about the cost of the phone, more the principle.

Buttercupsandaisies Sat 22-Apr-17 16:32:25

I agree OP, I worked throughout my A levels and four year science degree - sometimes 25-30 hours a week at evening and weekends. I think lots of 17-20 year olds are work shy now. A 17 year old can easily work a shift a week

19lottie82 Sat 22-Apr-17 16:32:27

I understand why you would like him to have a job, it's good to extend your social circle, have a bit of extra cash and have something to put on your CV, but if he's doing well in his studies and isn't begging for cash all the time, then it's really not the end of the world .

19lottie82 Sat 22-Apr-17 16:33:35

PS if you took the contract out 2 years ago then the minimum term must be coming. To an end? Cut it to sim only for £10 a month. If he wants an upgrade he can (get a job) and pay for it himself.

Izzabellasasperella Sat 22-Apr-17 16:34:05

I have this dilemma with dd(17) she is in her first year of sixth form so just about to start her AS levels. She is a typical teenage girl so is always after money for make-up,clothes etc. We do give her a small amount of pocket money, pay for her bus pass and phone.
I think it would be good for her to get a part time job but we have decided not to her until her exams are over.

Trifleorbust Sat 22-Apr-17 16:34:29

I think given he is working hard in college, he doesn't strictly need to have a job. And he has had two jobs - he isn't exactly not trying. Maybe you could pay him for extra chores.

Babyroobs Sat 22-Apr-17 16:39:08

My ds works 10 hours a week cleaning at his school ( he is in th 6 th form). He cleans toilets and muddy changing rooms. I thik it's good for him and he enojoys earning his own money and gets paid well.
Ds2 however (16yrs) shows no enthusiasm for getting a job.
Are there many jobs available in your area?

scaryclown Sat 22-Apr-17 16:39:25

Why don't you ask him un box things on YouTube

klondikecookie Sat 22-Apr-17 16:43:17

I'm always a bit surprised by these threads, you'll get a fair amount of support, OP.

When I was in college, around 15 years ago, I knew hardly anyone that worked. Those that did seemed to do so because they wanted the income for running a car or something, above and beyond what their peers had.

I recall studying very hard in the months leading up to my A levels and don't think that I could have done that if I had a job. I also remember college as the best years of my life and am glad I was able to enjoy my adolescence a little, as well as studying.

You say he works hard anyway, and finances aren't the issue, so I don't really see why you're trying to force a job on him.

A summer job (if he can actually find one these days) might be a good compromise.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup Sat 22-Apr-17 16:43:35

As a teacher of sixth form students, I would say leave this one well alone , since you can.

Those with part time jobs are often taken advantage of by employers and 'persuaded' to work more hours than they really should. Their priorities often shift towards their job, once they know what it's like to have money in their pocket. They often under perform in exams and use employed work as an excuse for not doing school work...and they are often tired.

I am sure there are exceptions , but I can't think of any!

theDudesmummy Sat 22-Apr-17 16:46:59

I would not have allowed my DDs to work when they were doing their A-levels. Their job was to get the best results they could.

BarbaraofSeville Sat 22-Apr-17 16:47:17

When I was in the sixth form it was unusual for students to not work - almost everyone did - cafes, restaurants, shops, stables, garden centres, one was even a professional footballer - she played for a top flight women's team from 17/18 and went on to make a career of it.

Even if there is no financial aspect, it is and advantage when applying for university, further education or full time work on leaving education to have actual work experience and be able to provide a reference.

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