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AIBU to refuse to fight illness?

(127 Posts)
GoodyGoodyGumdrops Sat 22-Apr-17 12:35:19

In my case: depression, various problems affecting my joints, and sugar addiction (maybe not a formal illness, but in terms of the effect it has on my body, my behaviour and my family life, I classify it as such).

I'm growing increasingly uncomfortable with the concept that I am 'fighting' to win the 'battle against', my illnesses. That I must 'beat' the illnesses.

More and more I think that what it's really about is coming to terms with the illnesses. Embracing them as part of me, in the way that I embrace my good skin and shiny hair.

Ultimately, these conditions are not like, say, an infection that can be cured by a course of antibiotics. They will be with me the rest of my life, whether flared up or quiescent, limiting me or not affecting me.

So why 'fight'?

Is acceptance equivalent to submission?

user15262093 Sat 22-Apr-17 12:40:19

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Chippednailvarnishing Sat 22-Apr-17 12:41:45

Do whatever​ you want, just don't moan about the choices you make afterwards.

ShowMePotatoSalad Sat 22-Apr-17 12:44:35

Wow, the first two responses on this thread are terrible.

It's a terrible shame really considering that mental health is still not given nearly enough attention and is dismissed as attention seeking.

I'm sorry OP. You may well get flamed but hopefully you'll receive some genuine responses.

As for your post, I agree - I think learning to accept the conditions you have is actually a very important part of feeling better. Always having to fight - it must be exhausting. flowers

MagicMarkers Sat 22-Apr-17 12:46:49

Sugar isn't that hard to give up or cut down on. You miss it for a few days (maybe get a bit of a headache or something) and then you lose the cravings after a few days. I really wouldn't talk about it as if it's something you can't do anything about.

ShowMePotatoSalad Sat 22-Apr-17 12:48:00

I don't wish to speak for the OP but I think what might make it harder for her is the DEPRESSION she talked about.

user15262093 Sat 22-Apr-17 12:49:30

Well she needs to say that then, rather then starting her post 'refuse to fight illness' maybe, 'how do i manage my depression?' Its the title that shouts for attention, i have every sympathy for people with depression, but its frustrating when people don't try and help themselves.

ShowMePotatoSalad Sat 22-Apr-17 12:50:39

its frustrating when people don't try and help themselves.

From the OP's post:

More and more I think that what it's really about is coming to terms with the illnesses. Embracing them as part of me, in the way that I embrace my good skin and shiny hair.

Dawndonnaagain Sat 22-Apr-17 12:51:15

I think learning to live with depression is different to fighting it, perhaps that's your aim? It's not giving in, it's accepting that this is part of who you are and that there are times when you are able to do something about it, and times when you're not. Hopefully the necessary services will kick in when you're not able to cope alone, although with this government, who knows.
It sounds to me like you're being sensible and just learning to live with who you are. Nothing wrong in that at all. flowers

user15262093 Sat 22-Apr-17 12:52:00

?? what point is it your trying to make?

cantmakeme Sat 22-Apr-17 12:52:31

I found acceptance really important when dealing with my MH probs. Different for everyone but YES, fighting all the time isn't how I would want to live.

Dawndonnaagain Sat 22-Apr-17 12:53:02

user Some people are unable to. Perhaps you'd like a chat with my dd. She spent a considerable amount of time in hospital after she decided to help herself and us by taking 40 paracetamol and alcohol? On second thoughts... angry
Think before you post.

Goldfishjane Sat 22-Apr-17 12:55:21

I think there's a difference between fighting and managing

I have had to explain many times to friends and family that managing my anxiety and depression means taking a LOT of downtime as well as meds and this means they don't see me as much as they want. If someone told me "fight harder so you can do more stuff with us" I'd say no. I'm not taking more meds, I think I do well managing the life I have.

Is that the kind of thing you mean?

Goldfishjane Sat 22-Apr-17 12:56:51

Agree acceptance is important too
I used to force myself to go out more because somehow I got the idea it would be good for me

It's not.

Allfednonedead Sat 22-Apr-17 12:56:56

OP, I'm sorry you've had such unhelpful responses. As a fellow sufferer of depression, I agree entirely, with the proviso that accepting means you can then focus on alleviating your own suffering.
It sounds like you might feel comfortable with using mindfulness as a way to manage your depression - just be careful to do it under some supervision. If you don't have experienced support, it can even make things worse.

GogoGobo Sat 22-Apr-17 12:58:00

Accept depression/sugar addiction and joint issues and commit not to fighting them but managing them the best way you can. You sound tired from having the issues framed as something you can "resolve" or "overcone". Just focus on working with them the best way you can. There is rarely a silver bullet in life - we live much more in the grey than the black or the white and that's fine too!

JustAnotherYellowBelly Sat 22-Apr-17 12:58:59

Nope. Mental health is never a "serious illness"... /sarcasm

OP I agree with you. Mental health should be seen as an illness, such as diabetes. I can manage my condition fine but I have learnt to accept help when I need it. I am never 100% well (and for those of you suggesting anti depressants and counselling, that does not always work) but I've found ways around it, just like my step dad with his diabetes and my mum with her heart condition.

LookAtTheFlowersKerry Sat 22-Apr-17 12:59:35

I agree. I have Bipolar and BPD. I don't fight it anymore, I manage it (pretty damned successfully lately).

Managing it often means spending a day in bed, ducking out of social things, not doing things I find hard, that kind of thing. Fighting it would be trying to push through all those, and that way madness lies, quite literally.

anotherdayanothersquabble Sat 22-Apr-17 13:00:13

Marking place to cone back later. ..

NolongerAnxiousCarer Sat 22-Apr-17 13:05:45

I think with any long term condition whether its mental or physical (and yes depression can be a long term condition, its not always cured by antidepressants) accepting it and learning to manage it is key.

I injured my back some years ago and I know if I'm not careful in how I manage it, it still causes my problems. There are some things, like heavy lifting, I avoid doing, there are some things like exercise I need to do to manage it well.

I have suffered with depression and PTSD. There are some things, like working late and taking on too much stress I avoid, there are some things like meditation and exercise that help me stay well.

It doesn't mean I dont have times when I'm poorly and need medication, but it keeps me well more of the time.

There is a difference though between accepting an illness and learning to manage it and giving in and letting the illness have free reign. At times with depresdion its a fight to get through each day and keep ourselves alive. That is a fight worth fighting.

mayoli Sat 22-Apr-17 13:13:22

Agreed. I have C-PTSD and BPD (as well as a host of other MIs that feed into the two main ones), and whilst I've made progress, I've stopped pushing myself. It's easier to manage when I stop fighting them.

Crumbs1 Sat 22-Apr-17 13:13:38

Sorry totally unreasonable to not do whatever is possible to improve your health and wellbeing. A determination to overcome difficulties is cyclical and can improve self esteem, physical and mental health.
Addicted to sugar? No you just like sugary things and have little will power. Stop buying it and refuse to have sugary things in the house.
Depression- exercise, support group and if necessary antidepressants. Plenty of people with depression living fulfilling lives. It's
Joint problems are probably related to weight from excess sugar (at a guess). Take ibuprofen, get a medical referral for the gym, go swimming instead of shopping. The more you do, the better you feel as endorphins are released by exercise.
Harsh message but just accepting poor lifestyle choices isn't the best way forward.

ADishBestEatenCold Sat 22-Apr-17 13:15:07

"I hope I'm not ignorant,"

Yes, sadly, it sounds as if you really might be, user15262093.

"you give the impression of a much more serious illness."

"Depression can be managed with anti depressants, counselling etc"

Depression is a potentially terminal illness. "Suicide is the second leading cause of death among 15-29 year olds globally." [ref: World Health Organisation]

Depression is not something that can easily be permanently cured with medication, counselling (even supposing that was readily available) or even both together.

Perhaps educate yourself, rather than simply hoping you are not ignorant.

WomblingThree Sat 22-Apr-17 13:19:14

GoodyGoodyGumdrops has anyone actually said to you that you have to "fight" them, or are you just feeling like it's expected?

WomblingThree Sat 22-Apr-17 13:21:54

Fuck me, Crumbs1 you've come up with a cure for depression that no one else thought of. Ever. Makes me wonder why doctors, psychiatrists and psychotherapists are even necessary!! I'll just go for a quick run and I'll be all better. Or not. 🙄

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