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To be a little mad with DH

(21 Posts)
Missmac84 Sat 22-Apr-17 12:09:32

Please bear with me this may be a little rambly......
so a little background..... DH very rarely goes to bed before 12/1 it's been his way since I've known him. So as a result he does the last feed of it fits in around him going to bed.
We now have to gorgeous children a DD (2) and a DS (6 weeks)
I'm a teacher and currently on maternity and DD only goes to her childminder during term time, so for the last 2 weeks whilst DH has been out at work I've had both children from 8 til anytime between 3&6.
I do the night feeds for our DS (bottle fed) which can be once or twice a night and I'm still up just before or at the same time as DH because our DD wakes between 6.30 and 7.30.
So, the last few weeks DH has been coming straight in from work, sitting in the kitchen to complete work (that bit I understand) and then make a comment about not being able to go to the gym as it's not fair on me.
Normally I go to bed at 9/10 so that I can get a full nights sleep but last night I had to complete a job application so was up past my DH going to bed.
When I asked him to do the nightfeed he rolled his bloody eyes at me (and boy did he make a fuss at 4.30 when DS woke up!) I asked him to do the feed as today DH is going to the football at 12.30 and won't be back til 7 so another day on my own.
So the reason I'm miffed is
1: He constantly makes comments about how he desperately needs to get to the gym but can't because of me
2: He makes comments to people about how he shouldn't really do things like go to the gym/go to football because I won't want him to
3: Because he did the nightfeed last night he didn't get up til 11.30!! And will be leaving the house by 12.30

I guess I'm just venting and moaning!!

LilacSpatula Sat 22-Apr-17 12:12:42

If he 'can't go to the gym' it's because he chose to have children and should care for them equally, not because of you! Perhaps you're both tired as the baby is so little?

Missmac84 Sat 22-Apr-17 23:33:34

Tried talking to him tonight about it but feeling like he feels I'm definitely being unreasonable

Ethylred Sat 22-Apr-17 23:37:12

Tl,dr. You're a teacher. So make your point succinctly.

Missmac84 Sun 23-Apr-17 03:11:29

Helpful @Ethylred thanks

DevilsDumplings Sun 23-Apr-17 03:21:35

I will never understand the posters who feel they have the right to admonish people for poor grammar etc. Not good form imho.

No Miss' ynbu. They are your husbands children too and as such he should pull together as a team. He should understand with such a young baby sacrifices need to be made.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Sun 23-Apr-17 03:35:30

I think Lilac said it all straight up. Your baby is tiny and needy. He needs to man up and take responsibility for his own actions.

You carried and gave birth to the baby. The absolute least he can do is some night feeds. Though actually with a baby that young and a toddler he shouldn't be making plans to go to the football anyway. Newborn baby time is lockdown time. Everything stops until you both get decent sleep again.

BlueChairs Sun 23-Apr-17 03:35:30

Tell him to stop being an arse and acting like you're stopping him doing things when actually it's the needs of his children stopping him

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 23-Apr-17 03:39:46

Wow. It's a short enough post and the OP is clearly rotten tired. Way to be utterly shitty PP.

OP, you have a 6 week old and a toddler. So it's all hands on deck and just push through for a few weeks at least. Everyone should go to the gym, socialise, hang out with friends, cook organic lentils and relax. With two small people no one does.

Booboostwo Sun 23-Apr-17 04:11:05

He's being an inconsiderate arse. Looking after small children all day long with no breaks is draining. Whatever his job might be he gets tea breaks, a lunch break, he can go to the toilet without being harassed, he can stop and chat to people, etc. You have the, let's face it, endless tedium of looking after very young children, right after you have given birth. Is there any way you can piss off for the entire day next weekend?

neonrainbow Sun 23-Apr-17 04:44:46

Why does he think he's doing you a favour by feeding his own child?

Trifleorbust Sun 23-Apr-17 05:06:06


Did that make you feel better about something? Cos it was mean.

KoalaDownUnder Sun 23-Apr-17 05:28:12

Ethylred: how rude.

OP - YANBU. He needs to stop moaning and passively-aggressively blaming you!

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sun 23-Apr-17 06:50:01

It does sound pretty selfish of him. Yeah, he can't go to the gym, that's what happens when a couple has a tiny baby. Suck it up buttercup. You were working he other night, not out on the lash.

Missmac84 Sun 23-Apr-17 06:54:06

I am very tempted now trust me.
We went to bed at the same time again last night. Yet I did the 3.30 feed and then when DS wakes up at 6.30 it's me again.
I've just let rip.......

Now I know I'm definitely NBU and he's just pushing my buttons. He gets a lie in I get up early again.......

RJnomore1 Sun 23-Apr-17 06:56:30

I think he's found a good excuse not to go to the gym and he's telling everyone how great he is to get brownie points while sat with his feet up.

Raggydolly3 Sun 23-Apr-17 07:04:35

Ethylred you do realise you showed yourself up there, and not the OP.
He is being an arse OP. My DH did not go to the gym at all for six months when we had DS. Instead he went for a run when DS was in bed every night.
He also gave up his season ticket (I would have been quite happy to let him go on but he said he would rather be with us)
I did the night feeds as I was breastfeeding but I expressed one bottle full so he did the early feed every day (again his choice). When DS went on to bottle everything was spilt 50-50 including housework, feeds and lie ins.
DH said I had a harder job then him (teacher) and at least he could switch off for a bit now and again at work.
The days of the women doing the child rearing and housework are meant to be gone.
But so many women still post on here about Men not stepping up. It's sad.
Don't stand for it OP.

sandgrown Sun 23-Apr-17 07:06:54

Not making excuses for him but sounds like you are both really tired. He has no reason to feel badly done to and he needs to share looking after his children. Could he take the older child out today so you can sleep when baby sleeps or could GP or friends help a bit so you can have a little break too? Even a coffee with a friend can break the tedious routine. We love our children but it's damned hard work when they are small.

PoliticalBiscuit Sun 23-Apr-17 07:27:35

6 weeks ago you finished 9 months of pregnancy, then went through labour. Your body is readjusting it's hormones, ligaments moving back into place, you're coming to terms with 2 children, guilt for the older DC, exhaustion with younger baby, doing night feeds, keeping house together.

And he gets to have a lie in (AN EXTRA 6 HOURS SLEEP!!) because he did a night feed?!

I'd tell him to cop on to himself.

Rudi44 Sun 23-Apr-17 07:28:18

Ethylred , how rude and patronising are you?

prettywhiteguitar Sun 23-Apr-17 07:33:44

He's being a dick, I would be ripping him a new one thinking he can sleep in till 11.30 !! Why didn't you go wake him up ?

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