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To think this isn't a good way to speak to a child?

(41 Posts)
Myloto1981 Sat 22-Apr-17 10:47:50

DD is 3. I have some concerns about the way her dad speaks to her. It's just subtle things (most of the time) but it makes me feel uncomfortable. Here are some examples.

DD - I want toast for breakfast.
Him - OK
DD - Can I have egg please?
Him - I thought you wanted porridge?!

DD - I want to play with my puzzle.
Him - OK
DD - Can we go for a walk?
Him - I thought you wanted to play with your puzzle?

And so it goes on.

Is this OK or is it not a nice way to speak to a child particularly a young child?

Myloto1981 Sat 22-Apr-17 10:48:21

Sorry first example should say 'I thought you wanted toast?!'

BrieAndChilli Sat 22-Apr-17 10:49:47

Not nice in what way?
1st example is a it confusing? Are you saying he deliberately makes her think she ordered something else??
2nd example is perfectly fine, my kids say things like that all the time and I often say 'I thought you were going to....'

ProudBadMum Sat 22-Apr-17 10:49:53

I don't see a problem. She asked for something and then something else so he double checks

Pinkandwhiteblossoms Sat 22-Apr-17 10:50:05

I'm not really seeing the problem, sorry - is he saying it in a particularly snappy way?

LouKout Sat 22-Apr-17 10:50:07

I don't really see why it's not nice, tbh

Trifleorbust Sat 22-Apr-17 10:50:48


Myloto1981 Sat 22-Apr-17 10:52:00

Yes it's said in quite a sarcastic way. Maybe I'm overthinking things then.

How about this which he said to DD when we were coming back from a walk and she started playing up a little bit - oh you always have to spoil everything don't you.

ProudBadMum Sat 22-Apr-17 10:53:09

Do you not like him or something? Are you looking for a reason to be mad at him?

I also don't see problem then.

gameofchance Sat 22-Apr-17 10:53:25

Is this a joke??

claraschu Sat 22-Apr-17 10:54:54

It must be the tone of voice which is the problem.

A nasty tone can make even innocent things sound unkind.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 Sat 22-Apr-17 10:54:58

I do this too my neices and nephews it's not in a sarcastic tone, it's more a wind up tone.

Trifleorbust Sat 22-Apr-17 10:55:05

Is he generally unkind, or is he just talking to her in his way (a bit blunt) without being horrible to her?

Pinkandwhiteblossoms Sat 22-Apr-17 10:55:42

Well to be fair we aren't hearing the tone.

I think "you always have to spoil everything" is unfair and it's a rotten thing to say to a child - my children frequently DO spoil everything but they are tiny so it's par for the course!

Is it DDs dad?

MsMarvel Sat 22-Apr-17 10:56:00

Wtf? You btw, not him.

Myloto1981 Sat 22-Apr-17 10:57:43

Clara yes it must be his tone.

I find he is constantly shouting and telling them off, whereas he says he just has a loud voice and is speaking to them.

Myloto1981 Sat 22-Apr-17 10:58:54

Yes he is DDs dad.

No need for people to be rude to me. I simply came on here to get some opinions.

Trifleorbust Sat 22-Apr-17 10:59:56

I think mums sometimes get a bit 'alpha' when it comes to their partner's relationship with the children, thinking it is their job to police all interactions. If he is upsetting your child, have a conversation with him about it. Otherwise leave them to it.

Bluebell28 Sat 22-Apr-17 11:01:02

What he said about spoiling everything was too severe for a small child imo. No one's a perfect parent, sounds like he needed a break at the time ..the twos can be hard going

Birdsgottaf1y Sat 22-Apr-17 11:01:38

The 'spoil everything' and sarcasm will lower her self esteem, so if that's happening often, then you need to speak to him about it.

Likewise if she is being indecisive, because she's three, then he needs to not get annoyed by that.

53rdWay Sat 22-Apr-17 11:02:06

"You always have to spoil everything" is not OK.

Other examples depend on tone, but if he's happy to say things like "you always have to spoil everything" at other times, I believe you that the tone isn't very nice.

ProudBadMum Sat 22-Apr-17 11:02:09

My mates dad was a loud talker and it sounded like she was been shouted at. we knew when he was shouting though

PurpleDaisies Sat 22-Apr-17 11:03:08

Nope. Not seeing the problem here.

She changed her mind. It's absolutely fine to check what she wants.

Myloto1981 Sat 22-Apr-17 11:04:08

I do leave him to it as much as I can. She looks a bit forlorn when he makes these comments, and yes the spoil everything comment I did my my feelings on that one known.

He is the alpha dad actually and seems to think he knows best for everything. They ask me a question and he answers for me before I have a chance to speak.

MagnumAddict Sat 22-Apr-17 11:06:46

At first I thought he was deliberately trying to confuse her- not ok but if he's just double checking? I'm sure I do this myself a lot! Toddlers are fickle!!

Saying you always have to spoil everything is not ok though. If it was said in a moment of frustration and he admitted later that was wrong and he apologised I could get over it, if it was regular occurrence said to be deliberately nasty I couldn't.

Agree with pp, it's hard to judge without a sense of tone.

How does he speak to and treat you OP?

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