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Is he unreasonable or am I for letting him down

(168 Posts)
Busybee233 Sat 22-Apr-17 10:20:20

He moved in with me last summer, I'm naturally a messy person but clean. I have my pile of Cloths my side of the bed. Make up everywhere and other bits of mess in places. I promised my boyfriend I would have a big clean and sort out around Christmas. I keep starting it and then never finishing it. He always gets annoyed if he finds eg my shoes on the floor he will throw them down my side of the bed. this morning I found he had thrown my tooth paste on my laundry basket it was all over my dress. apparently I had left it in a stupid place like the floor I know this isn't true as my water bottle was on the table next to it and that was there to. This week I arranged to go out Saturday night for drinks and Tuesday for bowling he mentioned I still had my room to tidy. This week I had started it and realised made a good start along with working and having some big family stress. I told him I couldn't let my friends down again I've bailed on them loads recently due to last minute family stuff. His reply was so you won't let them down but you let me down loads with deadlines of sorting out your room am I not important. He amazing with everything else let's me go out when ever I want normaly helps me so much with life and I love him dearly

therootoftheroot Sat 22-Apr-17 10:21:18

no way could i live with someone like that
it would drive me insane

StealthPolarBear Sat 22-Apr-17 10:22:44

You sound really messy bit it doesn't sound like you want to change which is absolutely fair enough. How dare he tell you to tidy your room like a teenager

StealthPolarBear Sat 22-Apr-17 10:23:36

He "lets you go out whenever you want"
Oh what a gem

Clean the front door till it sparkles and invite him to use t

RJnomore1 Sat 22-Apr-17 10:24:23

So you're not allowed out til you today your room?

Right dad!

Berthatydfil Sat 22-Apr-17 10:25:06

He moved in with you so he can move out any time he
likes

StealthPolarBear Sat 22-Apr-17 10:26:11

You've been living together less than a year. You don't have children together (I don't think). Regardless f the rights and wrongs you're not compatible, get out now.

Monkeychopsticks Sat 22-Apr-17 10:26:16

"You haven't tidied your room"?? Is he your dad? I'm also naturally untidy but only in the bedroom, it's where I relax a bit on the 'tidy' front. If he moved in with you he can't expect you to change your tidiness to suit him. Did he know you were messy before he moved in? I'd ignore him, I tend to ignore my DH about my bedroom mess and he understands it will get done...oneday.

StealthPolarBear Sat 22-Apr-17 10:26:30

Sorry get HIM out now

RandomWordsandaNumber5 Sat 22-Apr-17 10:26:37

So he lets you go out whenever you want and orders you to clean your room in your home. And then strops when you don't jump to it. Sounds like a real prince to me.

Chippednailvarnishing Sat 22-Apr-17 10:26:52

I've never met someone who thinks they're "messy" who isn't a total slob. You sound the same.
He's been waiting four months for you to clean, which is disgusting. That said he doesn't sound any better than you with his attitude.

floraeasy Sat 22-Apr-17 10:28:03

He's sounds very controlling. Why doesn't he get his own place and he can keep that as ship-shape as he likes?

Lovewineandchocs Sat 22-Apr-17 10:29:37

He sounds like a controlling bastard. I'd get him out.

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 Sat 22-Apr-17 10:30:03

Fuck no i couldnt live with you! Put your stuff away! It isnt difficult. Stop acting like a young messy teenager. Finish the job you started!

It would not suprise me of he moves out having reached his limit. I would be wondering about your general atritude to finishing anything and how that was just not the same as mine and how longterm this relationship will either create bitterness, or jump ship now.

Now im thinking nobody would come
On here and admit they are this messy and thoughtless so could be a reverse?

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 Sat 22-Apr-17 10:31:22

Actually lets see a pre-cleaned photo of your bedroom.

LagunaBubbles Sat 22-Apr-17 10:32:25

This isn't about cleaning or mess really. Sounds like it's all about control and it also sounds like it's working so far when you are saying things like "he lets me go out"..... You do realise you are an adult who is perfectly entitled to do this? Without his permission....

HermioneJeanGranger Sat 22-Apr-17 10:33:12

I couldn't live with you - mess drives me up the wall!

But, he moved in with you, and knew you were messy beforehand. So HIBU to move in and expect you to change the habit of a lifetime (although you shouldn't have promised to tidy up if you had no intention of doing so).

If he doesn't like how you keep your home, he's free to bugger off whenever he feels like it smile

Busybee233 Sat 22-Apr-17 10:33:47

He's said if I don't change he will move out I obviously don't want that I used to be a complete slob when I was a teenager but I'm really not I have my side of the bed that's messy my laundry basket might over flow but I always make sure the kitchens clean and floors hoovered bed sheets are clean

gleam Sat 22-Apr-17 10:34:05

Did he ruin your dress with the toothpaste?

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 Sat 22-Apr-17 10:34:56

How much cleaning is he doing? Do you have zones which are yours to clean?

Leaving someone when youre incomptible in some areas isnt a bad thing.

StillDrivingMeBonkers Sat 22-Apr-17 10:35:46

Stupid question I know - why isn't your toothpaste in the bathroom?

There's untidy, then there's slovenly.

Untidy means a quick 20 min wiz with a vacuum cleaner and a bit of polish and putting some clothes away.

Slovenly means piles and heaps of shit everywhere that you have to wade through with a shovel and bin bag every couple of months ... Is it really that difficult to go to the pound shop and buy a couple of small baskets to pop on a shelf/dressing table and put all your make up in one, hair stuff in another and so forth?

EllaHen Sat 22-Apr-17 10:36:54

I imagine it is infuriating living with a messy bastard.

I wonder what his side of the argument would look like.

I wouldn't tolerate someone telling me what to do but neither could I be with someone who felt so little of me that they couldn't tidy their room in four months.

So, YABU.

LookAtTheFlowersKerry Sat 22-Apr-17 10:38:56

My sister's ex husband was like this. She couldn't leave anything out, phone charger, opened post, mugs, anything. It all had to be in its place.

Note the 'ex'. She really isn't a messy person.

Busybee233 Sat 22-Apr-17 10:41:38

Was in the bathroom along with my laundry basket

viques Sat 22-Apr-17 10:42:28

What you need is a very large bin bag.

And invite him to get into it.

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