Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4

AIBU?

To not want DH to travel?

77 replies

M2R2 · 22/04/2017 09:54

I am 34 weeks pregnant. DH uncle is very sick, cancer terminal stage. He grew up with his cousins in the same house. He is planning to go and see him in couple of weeks. He will be away for a week or 2.
I feel that he shouldn't be leaving us while am at this stage, i have a 19month old dd and no family around.
I didn't tell him that I don't want him to go. But i feel that i will be heartbroken if he did.
Am I being unreasonable????

OP posts:

Report

AgentProvocateur · 22/04/2017 09:57

Yes, but it's understandable. Your husband needs to go and see his uncle. Have you got friends that can help you out?

TwitterQueen1 · 22/04/2017 10:01

Heartbroken? Bit OTT op. I expect your DH will feel genuinely heartbroken if he doesn't go and see his uncle.

Let the housework go to pop. Sit yourself and toddler down in front of the tv or go for gently walks in the park. You don't have to achieve anything.

museumum · 22/04/2017 10:03

Can he not go sooner? This week or next makes it far less likely you'll go into labour.
Also - can he get back quickly enough if you go into labour? How far away is it?
And what are your plans for dd during labour.

He should see his uncle but it would be better if he was back before you hit 37/38 weeks.

SorrelSoup · 22/04/2017 10:04

Can he not go now instead so it's not so close to the birth? What is the childcare plan for if you go into labour? I would tell him that you'll only be able to manage for a week.

PurpleDaisies · 22/04/2017 10:05

I agree, too would be pretty unreasonable to stop your dh from seeing his uncle for possibly the last time, especially since they sound very close.

I'd get your dh to help you do a load of batch cooking, get the house straight before you go, possibly arrange a cleaner to come half way through if he's there for two weeks and book an internet shop.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 22/04/2017 10:06

New baby isn't here yet. .
Only 1 to manage.
Poor uncle and dh.
He is ill.
You are pregnant.
Not the same.

marabounuts · 22/04/2017 10:06

travel? how far? to the other end of world or somewhere closer by from where he could come back quickly if needed?

Crispbutty · 22/04/2017 10:06

How far away is it? I can understand you being worried but think it would be cruel if you try to stop him saying his goodbyes to his uncle.

yellowfrog · 22/04/2017 10:07

Sorry, he has to go if his uncle is dying. Talk with him to work out ways to get you the support you need while he is away

Frazzled2207 · 22/04/2017 10:08

I don't think it's unreasonable for him to want to see his dying uncle.
Assuming it's a long way away though he needs to have a plan to come back quickly if he needs to though, and ideally leave as soon as possible too.

bigchris · 22/04/2017 10:08

I'm sorry op the dh seeing his uncle takes precedence
He'll never get the chance again

KateDaniels2 · 22/04/2017 10:10

I can understand feeling worried or aprehensive. But heartbroken?

Dhs grandad died when i was pg. All i could think of was how hard it must have been for dh. Being in the middle of wanting to be with me due to late pregnancy and dealing with all the other stuff that comes with bereavement.

GraciesMansion · 22/04/2017 10:12

YABU. What exactly are you wanting him to do for you that you can't do for yourself? Unless you're actually quite ill/incapacitated then surely a week by yourself isn't a big deal? It sounds like it's exceptional circumstances and he's not just off on holidays without a second thought. What's his plan for getting home quickly if you really do need him to?

QuiteLikely5 · 22/04/2017 10:13

Can you try putting your dh first?

Yabu - you are concerned that you are going to be alone for a few days whilst your dh is going to spend time with a dying relative?!?

Get a grip!

yikesanotherbooboo · 22/04/2017 10:13

YABU , put yourself in DH's shoes.... I'm sure he would rather this situation was different in every way but you are well and only have one child to care for ...

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 22/04/2017 10:14

Heartbroken, really?
He needs to say his goodbyes, he wont get chance to do it again. Yes you'll have a difficult couple of weeks but it's doable & you'll cope.

GinIsIn · 22/04/2017 10:16

OP I say this as someone whose DH had to go away when I was 36 weeks, a few months ago - give your head a wobble. You can't stand in the way of his chance to say goodbye to someone he loves. Why on earth would it break your heart to allow your DH to pay his respects?

M2R2 · 22/04/2017 10:16

I know its hard to say no to him. Its at least an 18h flight as no direct flights at all.
The tickets he was talking about will take him 22h to be there. He is choosing the time when most of his cousins will be there. I understand they haven't been together for long time and i would've been really supportive if I wasn't so close.
I have 2 dd 9yrs and 19 months but i am not worried about dd1 as she is so helpful and understanding.
I have a close friend we were planning she will have the dds while am in labour as its the only option for me.
My mum is applying for visa if she come and he go for a week i am ok with that. But to be on my own feels horrible

OP posts:

shadesofwinter · 22/04/2017 10:18

I don't think YABU to not want him to go. I think you WBU to ask him not to.

I appreciate your worries but like others have said, he won't get the chance again to say goodbye to his uncle.

LosingDory · 22/04/2017 10:20

You're just going to have to get over yourself I'm afraid. You have support in place, and it would be absolutely wrong of you to make your DH feel guilty for going

PurpleDaisies · 22/04/2017 10:20

I can understand the thought of being in your own is daunting but the reality won't be as bad. You just get on with life as normal.

You really can't say no to your dh saying goodbye to his uncle, even if your mum can't come over.

PNGirl · 22/04/2017 10:22

YABU. Dying family trumps 34 weeks pregnant as he may not get another chance. You'll just have to grit your teeth and get through the time I think; I do sympathise though.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

legoqueen · 22/04/2017 10:22

It would be better all round if he went sooner surely (except for seeing cousins but that's not the primary reason for the visit)...can you suggest that OP?

YouCanStandMeUpSpartacus · 22/04/2017 10:27

I think he needs to go now and for a shorter amount of time, never mind when other people will be there. It's his uncle he needs to see. He can organise to see the cousins another time.

I wouldn't be ok about my DH being an 18 hr flight away between 36 and 38 weeks pregnant. You could go into labour and he needs to be with you.

M2R2 · 22/04/2017 10:29

I think cousins are as important in this visit as his uncle. He was talking to them feeling excited that they will all be together again.
I guess i have to just stop thinking about it and let it be

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.