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To not want DH to travel?

(78 Posts)
M2R2 Sat 22-Apr-17 09:54:48

I am 34 weeks pregnant. DH uncle is very sick, cancer terminal stage. He grew up with his cousins in the same house. He is planning to go and see him in couple of weeks. He will be away for a week or 2.
I feel that he shouldn't be leaving us while am at this stage, i have a 19month old dd and no family around.
I didn't tell him that I don't want him to go. But i feel that i will be heartbroken if he did.
Am I being unreasonable????

AgentProvocateur Sat 22-Apr-17 09:57:57

Yes, but it's understandable. Your husband needs to go and see his uncle. Have you got friends that can help you out?

TwitterQueen1 Sat 22-Apr-17 10:01:30

Heartbroken? Bit OTT op. I expect your DH will feel genuinely heartbroken if he doesn't go and see his uncle.

Let the housework go to pop. Sit yourself and toddler down in front of the tv or go for gently walks in the park. You don't have to achieve anything.

museumum Sat 22-Apr-17 10:03:33

Can he not go sooner? This week or next makes it far less likely you'll go into labour.
Also - can he get back quickly enough if you go into labour? How far away is it?
And what are your plans for dd during labour.

He should see his uncle but it would be better if he was back before you hit 37/38 weeks.

SorrelSoup Sat 22-Apr-17 10:04:00

Can he not go now instead so it's not so close to the birth? What is the childcare plan for if you go into labour? I would tell him that you'll only be able to manage for a week.

PurpleDaisies Sat 22-Apr-17 10:05:19

I agree, too would be pretty unreasonable to stop your dh from seeing his uncle for possibly the last time, especially since they sound very close.

I'd get your dh to help you do a load of batch cooking, get the house straight before you go, possibly arrange a cleaner to come half way through if he's there for two weeks and book an internet shop.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Sat 22-Apr-17 10:06:02

New baby isn't here yet. .
Only 1 to manage.
Poor uncle and dh.
He is ill.
You are pregnant.
Not the same.

marabounuts Sat 22-Apr-17 10:06:05

travel? how far? to the other end of world or somewhere closer by from where he could come back quickly if needed?

Crispbutty Sat 22-Apr-17 10:06:36

How far away is it? I can understand you being worried but think it would be cruel if you try to stop him saying his goodbyes to his uncle.

yellowfrog Sat 22-Apr-17 10:07:45

Sorry, he has to go if his uncle is dying. Talk with him to work out ways to get you the support you need while he is away

Frazzled2207 Sat 22-Apr-17 10:08:34

I don't think it's unreasonable for him to want to see his dying uncle.
Assuming it's a long way away though he needs to have a plan to come back quickly if he needs to though, and ideally leave as soon as possible too.

bigchris Sat 22-Apr-17 10:08:54

I'm sorry op the dh seeing his uncle takes precedence
He'll never get the chance again

KateDaniels2 Sat 22-Apr-17 10:10:30

I can understand feeling worried or aprehensive. But heartbroken?

Dhs grandad died when i was pg. All i could think of was how hard it must have been for dh. Being in the middle of wanting to be with me due to late pregnancy and dealing with all the other stuff that comes with bereavement.

GraciesMansion Sat 22-Apr-17 10:12:15

YABU. What exactly are you wanting him to do for you that you can't do for yourself? Unless you're actually quite ill/incapacitated then surely a week by yourself isn't a big deal? It sounds like it's exceptional circumstances and he's not just off on holidays without a second thought. What's his plan for getting home quickly if you really do need him to?

QuiteLikely5 Sat 22-Apr-17 10:13:03

Can you try putting your dh first?

Yabu - you are concerned that you are going to be alone for a few days whilst your dh is going to spend time with a dying relative?!?

Get a grip!

yikesanotherbooboo Sat 22-Apr-17 10:13:40

YABU , put yourself in DH's shoes.... I'm sure he would rather this situation was different in every way but you are well and only have one child to care for ...

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom Sat 22-Apr-17 10:14:47

Heartbroken, really? hmm
He needs to say his goodbyes, he wont get chance to do it again. Yes you'll have a difficult couple of weeks but it's doable & you'll cope.

FenellaMaxwellsPony Sat 22-Apr-17 10:16:17

OP I say this as someone whose DH had to go away when I was 36 weeks, a few months ago - give your head a wobble. You can't stand in the way of his chance to say goodbye to someone he loves. Why on earth would it break your heart to allow your DH to pay his respects?

M2R2 Sat 22-Apr-17 10:16:57

I know its hard to say no to him. Its at least an 18h flight as no direct flights at all.
The tickets he was talking about will take him 22h to be there. He is choosing the time when most of his cousins will be there. I understand they haven't been together for long time and i would've been really supportive if I wasn't so close.
I have 2 dd 9yrs and 19 months but i am not worried about dd1 as she is so helpful and understanding.
I have a close friend we were planning she will have the dds while am in labour as its the only option for me.
My mum is applying for visa if she come and he go for a week i am ok with that. But to be on my own feels horrible

shadesofwinter Sat 22-Apr-17 10:18:36

I don't think YABU to not want him to go. I think you WBU to ask him not to.

I appreciate your worries but like others have said, he won't get the chance again to say goodbye to his uncle.

LosingDory Sat 22-Apr-17 10:20:11

You're just going to have to get over yourself I'm afraid. You have support in place, and it would be absolutely wrong of you to make your DH feel guilty for going

PurpleDaisies Sat 22-Apr-17 10:20:23

I can understand the thought of being in your own is daunting but the reality won't be as bad. You just get on with life as normal.

You really can't say no to your dh saying goodbye to his uncle, even if your mum can't come over.

PNGirl Sat 22-Apr-17 10:22:55

YABU. Dying family trumps 34 weeks pregnant as he may not get another chance. You'll just have to grit your teeth and get through the time I think; I do sympathise though.

legoqueen Sat 22-Apr-17 10:22:57

It would be better all round if he went sooner surely (except for seeing cousins but that's not the primary reason for the visit)...can you suggest that OP?

YouCanStandMeUpSpartacus Sat 22-Apr-17 10:27:57

I think he needs to go now and for a shorter amount of time, never mind when other people will be there. It's his uncle he needs to see. He can organise to see the cousins another time.

I wouldn't be ok about my DH being an 18 hr flight away between 36 and 38 weeks pregnant. You could go into labour and he needs to be with you.

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