to have had enough of DPs power trips?(63 Posts)
DP worked away Sunday - Thursday and had the day off today so we dropped the two older DC at school then took our two year old and dogs to a country park to play, walk and picnic. When we were having the picnic, he threw a stick that was under his leg and one of our dogs jumped up to fetch it, knocking his drink over in the process. He immediately shouted at and smacked him I personally would have laughed if he'd done it to my drink and didn't see the big deal but he was fuming. I was fuming with him as our dog was cowering away from him after that. DD and I were throwing a ball for the dog after lunch and DP called him to return it to him. Our dog returned it to me and sat behind me. DP picked up his ball and put it in his pocket
This evening 8 yo DD ran out to the sandpit (about 5 paces from the back door) without shoes. DP shouted at her to get back in and get shoes on. DD replied that she always takes her shoes off in the sand so she doesn't bring sand into the house and he issued various threats about removing privileges but didn't actually go out to enforce what he'd asked her to do. She popped back in to go to the toilet ten minutes or so later and he locked the back door and hid the key, telling her she wasn't going back out unless she had shoes on. She did so but only because she wanted to go outside, not because she'd listened to him which isn't him winning as his smug expression showed he thought he had done.
Later on she was playing with something and there was some debate over whether she or her sister had been playing with it first as they were arguing over it. Rather than help them resolve it, he just removed it and put it out of reach - leaving them both in tears. They were later playing with a train track and had been playing nicely for a good half hour but then were beginning to bicker. He went in and said "if you can't play nicely, let's put it away" and broke the track up.
Finally, at bedtime he told 8 yo to sit down so he could brush her teeth. She went to walk past him and he restrained her by the arm saying he'd said it was time to brush teeth so do it now. She said she was going to get a drink of water first and he refused to let her go. She explained that I always say she shouldn't drink just after brushing so she needs to it beforehand but he refused. She then became upset and said she wanted me to do it and he threw her toothbrush on the floor by the toilet so it had to be thrown away.
I don't know if he was tired after working away or had a bad week or something but AIBU to think his behaviour was completely unfair today? He has form for being like this once a week or so but today he just seemed on a complete power trip. He's huffed off to watch tv in bed because I gave DD a new toothbrush to brush with and I'd like some opinions before I approach it with him.
I'm sorry but is your DP alway such an abusive arsehole? Hitting a dog so it's cowering in fear?! What a dick!
Restraining your DD and refusing to let her go? Locking her in the house, breaking up the train track?
He sounds awful I'm sorry. Your DD and your dogs deserve better!! Yanbu
Hits the dog and acts like that towards an 8 yo?
Thin end of the wedge, if you ask me.
I'd have lost my shit with him hours ago. How dare he. He definitely gets a kick out of acting the big man. You're the only other adult in this situation,you must intervene. Tell him the next time he hits the dog or restrains your child like that, he'll be out the door. He's a bully. Only way to deal with bullies is to confront them.
I'm afraid that his behaviour sounds very worrying.
I wouldn't marry someone who smacks a dog.
Why DID you marry him and have children with him? Was he different then?
(and beside the point but why does the 8 year old have one of you actually brush her teeth - presumably you mean supervise? - and also why would you throw away a toothbrush that falls on a bathroom floor? )
He thinks she is disrespectful and should do what he says, when he says it. If she doesn't, there is never any negotiation or discussion he just asserts his power over her and nothing is learned for next time.
Last week he asked her to put something in the wash. She said she will do but she's desperate for a wee and went to run to the bathroom. He stood in the way and said it was just a delay tactic, do it now. She refused saying she really really needed a wee and he said if she didn't listen then our kitten wasn't sleeping in her room like she usually does. He doesn't usually follow through with threats and DD continued on to the toilet. He went and shut the kitten in the kitchen and obviously DD was upset and crying. He refused to back down but then went out leaving me with a crying DD. I know I probably shouldn't have as it's undermining but I consoled DD and let her have the kitten back as I couldn't see that she'd done anything wrong.
We're not married. The dentist advised we brush her teeth.
Eh undermine away when he's being an abusive pig to your daughter.
Definitely a power trip. Did he think you got on too well without him and his delicate ego is dented?
Sounds like he has a low self-esteem and trying to assert himself to take control.
Does he work away a lot? Is he coming back and trying to regain his place in the family? Some of the incidents are awful e.g. hitting the dog others are less clear. The shoes and teeth cleaning seem to be him not knowing the house routine and so imposing new requirements only for them to be ignored or overruled. He has then overreacted but I can see how situations like that might leave him feeling like he has no voice as a parent.
It depends on how much of an arse he is in general.
If you are the poster I'm thinking of, why on earth are you having a fourth child with this nob-end?
Are they his children? Do you want your girls growing up to think that this behaviour is the norm in a loving relationship?
Dump him before your kids get damaged. Protect them. Don't come back and say that he's a great dad usually and this was an off day. You've said he gets like this once a week like he has an emotional dump period. This is not good and until he rectified his behaviour, he should give you all space.
Who the fuck hits a dog?
Yes I think it's trying to regain his place. He struggles with patience and can never admit he might have been wrong to the DC but sometimes does to me.
He us a dick and the kids will resent him.
Why didn't you just wash the toothbrush?
Sounds like a milder version of my father. We had to do as we were told immediately or else.
TBH if I dropped my toothbrush on the floor right under the toilet
where the boys wee lands sometimes I might want to replace it.
Anyways. Onto the more serious matters. How are you going to handle this OP? Has he ever been confronted on his behaviour before?
Oh OP he sound totally awful. I think you know this. He's being abusive to you, the kids and the dog. Please do yourself a favour and get rid
Agression when not dealt with can grow. Have you noticed an increase in these behaviours and where do you think this could end?
Does he think respect is automatic or earned? It's hard to respect bullies. Why would a child respect someone who hits dogs, takes away toys without good reason, throws toothbrushes on the floor in a temper, etc?
Good grief OP no yanbu at all! Did you say anything when he hit the dog?
I appreciate you probably don't want to pull him up on his behaviour in front of the children, but he sounds horrible. You say he is like this around once a week? You must all feel like you are treading on eggshells all the time. This is not acceptable behaviour. Your kids and dogs will dread him coming home, things could get worse, they will rebel more and he could get even more aggressive.
Definitely have a chat with him.
He's a bully please protect your dog and children from this man
We've had a sickness bug recently and although I've bleached and disinfected, I'd rather not take the risk over the toothbrush when there was a packet of new ones in the cupboard.
I did tell him he was out of line with the dog. It's confusing with the DC though as they're so pissed off with one another at the time but generally joke about it later. Today, for example, he said DDs name in a warning tone because she was doing something she shouldn't and she said "ooh I better stop in case he gets his knickers in a twist and throws my toothbrush again" and they both laughed.
So your children know he's a joke... His pathetic bullying behaviour doesn't wash with them. You should be proud.
How you can love and live with such an awful person though is beyond me.
What a tosser. No excuses, but does he have other troubles (work, legal, whatever)?
He isn't awful. I think he struggles because he has an important managerial role at work and can get adults to do what he wants but the same can't be said for at home with his children.
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