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To think my Friend only wants me for my son?

(92 Posts)
HorseDentist Fri 21-Apr-17 09:53:10

Long time friend, 9 years+. Met at Uni and have been close since. I only have a few friends where as she has lots and spreads herself thin. Recently our contact has reduced a lot due to work pressures and as mentioned above spreading herself thinly and making too many plans.

I haven't seen her in person for 3 months and she hasn't joined in on the group message for about a month. But we are all busy so this isn't out of the norm. She did cancel plans we had about 3 weeks ago by text for work reasons and didn't respond to requests to rearrange so I just left it to her to make contact.

She loves children, in particular my DS (4) and occasionally takes him out for the day. She is single and childless and DS looks a lot like her and has said before that she loves it when people call her his mum.

So today I have a text from an unknown number asking to take DS out for lunch. I know it is her from the style of text. It just said "is DS available for a lunch date tomorrow? Xx" I replied asking if it was her and why the number was different and she confirmed she changed it but didn't give an explanation why she hadn't given it to me.

Now I'm at a loss. She was a very good friend and loves DS, and he loves her. But it feels as if she is only in contact for my son. I'm working tomorrow and she knows this so it would be only seeing him. I feel a bit uncomfortable with it but on the other hand I don't want to lose the friendship as we used to be close.

How would you respond?

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Fri 21-Apr-17 09:55:23

"we are both free - what time shall we meet?"

Questioningeverything Fri 21-Apr-17 09:56:12

We're both available, it's been so long since I've seen you, I miss you. Where shall we all go?

TaliZorahVasNormandy Fri 21-Apr-17 09:56:16

It sounds like she enjoys playing mum to him. If you hardly ever see her, I'd sack her off.

MarcelineQueen Fri 21-Apr-17 09:56:58

^ what she said ^

Very odd behaviour though, and quite rude

PeaFaceMcgee Fri 21-Apr-17 09:58:14

You're no longer close, her behaviour is odd. I think you're right.

"That doesn't work for us, sorry"

brassbrass Fri 21-Apr-17 09:59:01

Um if you have any doubts AT ALL do not send your son unsupervised with her. What an unusual situation.

Try and get the relationship back to your friendship and take your son out of the equation.

I would be twitchy to understand what's going on in her mind before I let my son go out again I think. You'll know from her reaction.

PeaFaceMcgee Fri 21-Apr-17 09:59:24

She didn't even say hello or ask how you are ffs (or your ds). He's a person, not a handbag!

HorseDentist Fri 21-Apr-17 10:04:23

I'm glad I'm not wrong in feeling twitchy about this. I don't want to lose her as a friend though.
I want to fix the friendship first before including DS again.

There is no option for me going along. I work weekends and she knows this.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Fri 21-Apr-17 10:06:16

That's the issue, she knows that. She's obviously not bothered about seeing you.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Fri 21-Apr-17 10:07:45

Do you have a dog she could borrow instead??
Not appropriate for your ds to hear people refer to him as her ds. .
And she is a shit friend so a def no anyway!!

user1491572121 Fri 21-Apr-17 10:09:41

Why would you want to be friends with someone who only wants you for your son and is quite rude too?

She sounds weird!

ClemDanfango Fri 21-Apr-17 10:10:13

Call her out!

"I'm surprised you have the brass neck to ask that considering you've shown no interest in us for the past 3 months, ignored texts from me and have now changed your number and not given it to me?
In short no, he's not available for you to parade around as your own child for the day!
now fuck off

Sorry but I'm not one to let people take the piss out of me.

SunsetGrigio Fri 21-Apr-17 10:10:45

No sorry DS has plans tomorrow, but happy for all of us to meet up soon, send me some dates.

SunsetGrigio Fri 21-Apr-17 10:11:36

or what ClemDan said! ^^

Edballsisoneniftydancer Fri 21-Apr-17 10:13:34

My heart is with Clem (including the struck through bits!) but my head is with Sunset.....really cool and classy.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Fri 21-Apr-17 10:15:22

No I'd not let her take him out.

She was your mate but seems to have lost interest in you but will happily call to take your boy out, that would piss me right off and the bit about her loving that people think he's her child.

You want to hang onto the relationship but it sounds like she's not that keen, don't get yourself hurt further.

PeaFaceMcgee Fri 21-Apr-17 10:16:27

Why do you want to be friends with someone who seems so shallow and has ignored you? There's nothing for you to fix as you haven't influenced her poor behaviour.

brassbrass Fri 21-Apr-17 10:17:57

No sorry DS has plans tomorrow, but happy for all of us to meet up soon, send me some dates

make this your new mantra. She will either get the message or drop you. Either way you'll have an answer!

Noctilucent Fri 21-Apr-17 10:19:37

I don't understand this. You're not really friends. I wouldn't let my child spend any time without me with someone who seems to be using him as an accessory to make herself look good. Say no.

metalmum15 Fri 21-Apr-17 10:21:28

If you're working tomorrow then I assume you've already made childcare arrangements for your son? So can't you just tell her that and say arrangements can't be unmade, but you're both free on x date if she fancies getting together to catch up? Doesn't sound like a great friend to me though. I'd be very wary in all honesty.

metalmum15 Fri 21-Apr-17 10:21:30

If you're working tomorrow then I assume you've already made childcare arrangements for your son? So can't you just tell her that and say arrangements can't be unmade, but you're both free on x date if she fancies getting together to catch up? Doesn't sound like a great friend to me though. I'd be very wary in all honesty.

HorseDentist Fri 21-Apr-17 10:23:56

I know, you are all right.

I'm sad though. She was my friend, I don't have many. I am not from the area and the only people I know are work friends (so not real friends), EX partners friends and family, and 3 or 4 people from uni who have stayed in the area (one being her). I'm lonely and her cancelling plans makes it hurt even more.

HorseDentist Fri 21-Apr-17 10:26:46

DS will be with his father, but as it is Easter holidays he would be well up for a break from him. We are on good terms and not an issue to change plans last minute.

Cornettoninja Fri 21-Apr-17 10:28:06

Does she work full time? (I.e mon-fri office hours) only asking because if you work weekends I can see how it could be difficult to keep up friendships when that's possibly the only really free time you have. If you're going full pelt all week it's probably the only time you're not completely on your arse with tiredness.

Unless there's a lot of other things going on in the background I think it's slightly weird and over dramatic to start reading into her enjoying being mistook for his mum occasionally. I think that would happen regardless of what he looks like. People see a woman with children and that's what they presume. There's no harm there without a lot of other behaviours to indicate there's something to worry over.

If this was one of my friends I would take it at face value and be pleased they wanted a relationship with my child.

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