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To go NC with my entire family?

(13 Posts)
ItsJustNoGood Thu 20-Apr-17 18:09:08

There's a lot of back story with my parents and siblings.

I was scapegoated quite badly over and incident in my late teens and my life changed dramatically because of it.

I didn't contact my family for a while but other events meant we were brought back together.

I've genuinely tried to be a part of the family again.

The scapegoating has never been mentioned ; nobody apologised or acknowledged my hurt .

Years later and I'm still being snubbed in various ways which I'm taking very personally due to the past.

I'm always the one to blame (my resentment can sometimes get the better of me - but nobody will accept any responsibility for their own actions - it's always my fault) .

I had a good relationship with my twin who although didn't join in with the scapegoating , she didn't stick up for me either and has also conveniently never mentioned it !

Our lives are very different now - she's carefree and single. I'm married with DC. My twin is still close to our family and I still have minor grievances with how she treats me , but I let it go . She also has trivial issues with me and refuses to accept things are different for me as our lives are different.

We've simmered along over the years but another row has erupted and I'm not sure there's any going back .

I love my twin dearly but I feel I need to break free from my family and move on to protect my own sanity .

I'm tired of feeling worthless , angry and rejected .

If I go NC , I will have nobody , but at least I won't be so resentful and dejected .

WIBU? sad

Gramgram Thu 20-Apr-17 18:17:47


Gramgram Thu 20-Apr-17 18:20:50

Sorry being helped by a child made me press too soon. Sometimes going NC is best especially if they just add to your stress. You will have your DC so concentrate on yourself and them. Look after yourself and be positive.

Trying2bgd Thu 20-Apr-17 18:25:05


i am very sorry that you are experiencing this and hope someone can give you some proper advice. I would say that I feel you may need counselling to discuss what happened and allow you to truly leave it behind and move on. If this can be achieved perhaps you could have some sort of relationship with your twin without the past tainting it. However, you are right and need to put yourself and your sanity first.

stopfuckingshoutingatme Thu 20-Apr-17 18:29:05

OP that's so sad - I also agree to get a good therapist and talk this through with someone - please it's an investment into yourself -

In the meantime can you distance yourself - it will feel wierd to start with but be busy a lot and just take a step back flowers

Theworldisfullofidiots Thu 20-Apr-17 18:30:09

Could you talk to your twin about it? I'm a twin and whilst we are v different ( she is childless, married but with v different lifestyle) I can't imagine her not sticking up for me or vice versa.

Theresnonamesleft Thu 20-Apr-17 18:33:07

Best thing I ever did. Went Nc with all family. Parent, aunts, uncles, cousins the lot of them. They can all crack on with their shit but I am free from their drama. I have a fb account with all of them on. Once or twice a year I log on to see if anything has changed. But nope.

ItsJustNoGood Thu 20-Apr-17 18:40:19

I've tried talking to my twin about it - this is how the latest argument erupted sad

TiredMumToTwo Thu 20-Apr-17 18:44:51

Could you try low contact and see how you go? Yes yes to counselling, has helped me massively with my problems re my family.

BillSykesDog Thu 20-Apr-17 18:47:13

Can't t really say without you elaborating on the original incident and what has happened this time.

ForalltheSaints Thu 20-Apr-17 19:36:51

Make sure you are able to make contact with your twin if at some point you change your mind, or indeed should one of you fall ill, for example.

BantyCustards Thu 20-Apr-17 19:38:52

Best thing I ever did. Incredibly freeing and far better for my sanity.

mselastic Thu 20-Apr-17 19:43:57

i am NC with my whole family.

I dont miss them, but miss the idea of having a family and wish that I had the support a family would bring. In reality I will not get this.

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