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To not take DS to see DFIL

(12 Posts)
Divaroses26 Thu 20-Apr-17 15:29:31

Background:
DPs family live in London and DP works Monday - Friday in London and home to us at weekends - we live approx 2/3 hours away.

DFIL has been admitted into St George's today for an operation with the intention of removing prostate cancer, when DP called this morning DFIL requested to speak to DS who is four, DFIL really sounded awful on the phone and very apprehensive as can be expected, he was asking DS to let Mummy or Daddy know when he would like to visit DFIL and for us to take DS. If I am honest we do not see enough of DFIL, at present neither myself or DS have seen him since September last year. I am always more than willing to take a trip to visit however the offer is very rarely there and due to the distance we would obviously have to stay overnight, anyway after years of bickering with DP over it I've realised it's not his fault and DGPs will see DS very much on their terms and ultimately it's only them who will miss out on their grandchild.

I spoke with DFIL this morning too, and said if seeing DS would make him feel better then I am more than willing to put him in the car and make the journey, he just needed to say the words and we would be there. DFIL didn't really answer and I could tell his mind was elsewhere understandably and perhaps he doesnt expect us to make the journey but would like to see DS. DP said there was no need for us to visit. But, WWYD? Should I of packed some bits and jumped in the car? Obviously I don't want DFIL to feel like we haven't bothered to visit but neither do I want him to feel like we are imposing. Slightly harder to make the call as he's not my father and we are expecting him to have a catheter fitted so don't want him to be uncomfortable with us there.

Do you think it would be a nice surprise for him to see DS? Or are we best staying clear until invited?

Sorry for waffling!

UppityHumpty Thu 20-Apr-17 15:40:29

The right thing to do here would be to see him. But it's your husband's dad - if he's not bothered why are you?

Chloe84 Thu 20-Apr-17 15:40:36

I would go and see him.

Why are they so unwelcoming to you? I can see why you are hurt and apprehensive. It's almost like they've got used to sharing their son with you, you have him on weekends, they have him on weeknights.

Divaroses26 Thu 20-Apr-17 15:44:41

Always been the way, partly I think because DMIL & DFIL are seperated but still live together, so essentially they lead totally separate lives, each has a very active social life. And consequently each has their own bedroom, plus three children still living at home inc my DP who is there weeknights, so space can be a little bit of an issue! I just don't want to turn up and be shunned away neither do I want them to think we don't care - we do!

Penfold007 Thu 20-Apr-17 15:46:48

I'd wait and see how FIL is once he's had his surgery done. I imagine he might be very sore and tired. He probably wouldn't want your DS seeing him like that and it might upset DS as well. Just a word of warning parking at St George's is a nightmare so try and come up by train if you do visit.

Divaroses26 Thu 20-Apr-17 15:49:38

I've known DMIL to insist we stay with her mother when we have visited (which I love because she's fab!!) and DM has phoned and said oh I won't make it around to Grandmas house tonight to see you as I have a headache, and then 20mins later be knocking the front door dressed up to the nines on her way out to a social event which she has then been well enough to attend but not well enough to see DS. Generally we are only in London for a few days at a time and it seems she favours her social life slightly more than seeing her grandchild. Fully aware these are her choices and very little I can do!

Divaroses26 Thu 20-Apr-17 15:51:09

Thanks Penfold.

Will prob drive up and but park at a families house and then get a cab to St. George's. Xx

Divaroses26 Thu 20-Apr-17 15:53:55

You have a very valid point uppity! If it was my Dad I would have ensured DS saw his Grandfather before the op for some quality time! Xx

TinyTear Thu 20-Apr-17 15:59:48

Hospitals are tough on kids.

I had my gallbladder our on an emergency surgery and my 2y and 5y didn't want to be there, said a cursory hi and then just wanted to go away. and this was me, their mum...

for a grandparent he hasn't even been in close contact with i would definitely not take him

Divaroses26 Thu 20-Apr-17 16:04:30

To be honest I don't think I would take him to the hosp, it will all be too much for him and very scary I'm sure. We expect DFIL to be home within 48 hours (fingers crossed!) so I suppose my question should of been more should I take him to London so that he can see DFIL when he's home or at the least very close to being released from hospital so that if I did take DS then DFIL would hopefully not be in too much of a state.

innagazing Thu 20-Apr-17 16:36:39

Maybe go up for a few days after Fil comes out of hospital and is feeling better? Find a Premier Inn or Travel Lodge to stay in, that is within easy commutable distance from inlaws, and enjoy London with your son-use the museums the London Eye, walking round Greenwich, boat trip on the Thames etc and include a trip to the in laws house.

Divaroses26 Thu 20-Apr-17 20:22:21

Gazing I think that's a plan!

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