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AIBU? Or is my DH?

(389 Posts)
user1492637408 Wed 19-Apr-17 22:56:00

I am not sure if I'm being precious here so please do tell me confused

DH and I have been together 5 years, married for 2, all good, the usual. Nothing to worry about - I would say we were really happy, we have no DC and no plans to, we're just enjoying our lives together. But in the last 6 months he has just thrown the rule book of our entire relationship out of the window. We have always done things a certain way - or more specifically, I take care of things, which I am happy to do so it's not like I've complained!

For example I like to meal plan (I am coeliac so have to be careful) so every Sunday I make all our meals for the week, put them in Tupperware and label them so we know what we are having... I don't make them repetitive or boring thanks to Pinterest and it saves us cooking all the time/spending loads of money on takeaways. This has always been the case and he used to be appreciative of it but recently it's like he is trying to test the waters and saying he wants to cook or get takeaway all the time, even though he knows I have spent hours prepping balanced meals for the week. I wouldn't mind but he could burn cereal! And when I asked him about it he just said he wanted some variety...? I tried to explain I make a very varied selection of food and if he wanted something specific just to ask me and he just huffed and puffed like I was being inconvenient hmm

There are lots of other examples (moving where we keep the spare keys, from the designated spare key pot I have, to a random shelf - why?, purposely bringing up issues like having a pet (he knows I don't want animals in the house, full stop, we decided years ago so why is it an issue now), he even pulled all of his summer clothes out of storage boxes the other day and started trying to wedge them into into drawers because he decided it was time for them - when again, he knows that every year I get the winter stuff washed and vacuum sealed up and into the storage boxes around springtime and get our spring wardrobes out?). I know it might sound as though he's trying to be helpful but honestly it feels like he's just doing it to wind me up - I do a lot and again, I'm not complaining, I like things a certain way! But when I ask him why he's done something he just goes all vague and hasn't got a reason which to me suggests it's just done to make a point and he doesn't want to say what that is?! confused

Please help me decipher him because I am getting sick of feeling like he's rebelling against our routine and I have no idea why

limon Wed 19-Apr-17 22:58:14

Yab a controlled freak - let him contribute. You can't lay down a "rule book" and expect things always to be done your way. He's an adult not a child and you aren't his mother.

LineysRun Wed 19-Apr-17 22:58:16


TheFifthKey Wed 19-Apr-17 22:59:29

I think he maybe just feels oppressed by the rules - they're sensible and you feel like you've agreed on them but maybe he feels he's had them imposed on him. For example, he can change to his summer wardrobe whenever he wants, and not everyone likes to know what they're eating every day of every single week. Sometimes you want some spontaneity in life even if it is more expensive or less logical to do that.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta Wed 19-Apr-17 23:00:12

He sounds bored of the routine tbh. I get that you do things 'a certain way' but you sound a little over zealous about it.

If he wants to cook/get takeaway/move stuff/get his summer wardrobe then it's his home too and he's entitled to do it.

TBH it does sound a little stifling if he's not a 'routine' person

Sleepingbunnies Wed 19-Apr-17 23:00:23

Total control freak! He's a grown man! confused

TheFifthKey Wed 19-Apr-17 23:00:32

I don't have a partner so there's only me and small children to please, and even so sometimes I rebel against the meal plan just for the pleasure of doing so! And I made the bloody menu!

Domino20 Wed 19-Apr-17 23:00:40

Yes, agree with pp. Your routine sounds stifling.

Lalunya85 Wed 19-Apr-17 23:01:04

Maybe you could try a sticker reward system? Every time he does something the way you think is correct, he gets a sticker. And when he collects ten stickers he gets a treat, like... I dont know, doing something against the rules, like swapping Wednesday's curry for Friday's pasta?

Would that work?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta Wed 19-Apr-17 23:01:13

And tbh if I had to eat coeliac friendly food because of someone else the entire time, i would find it restrictive

Crispbutty Wed 19-Apr-17 23:01:58

What do you "allow" him to do??

Seriously Op, you are behaving like a complete control freak towards him.

Only1scoop Wed 19-Apr-17 23:01:59

It's all really controlling
The meals for the week in containers....think I'd rebel too. He wants out of this boring routine. I'd try and lighten up a little and let him get on with it.

Obsidian77 Wed 19-Apr-17 23:02:36

His behaviour would suggest he feels frustrated and trapped in a rut. How is everything else in your life, is he unhappy at work for example?
The insistence on rejigging all the stuff you have organised and having fun food rather than sensible food that you've budgeted for is quite childishly rebellious.

Tyrionsbitch Wed 19-Apr-17 23:02:37

Whaaa? So you are mad because he wanted to have something different for tea, put his keys on a shelf, and wanted to wear clothes of his choice? confused

Jenni2legs Wed 19-Apr-17 23:02:58

I would feel utterly suffocated with this lifestyle, I'm surprised he hasn't 'rebelled' earlier.
Discuss it with him. Ask if he's feeling closed in and fgs 'let' him cook! I'm sure in this amount of time he can manage gluten free - even if it's burnt!

Naicehamshop Wed 19-Apr-17 23:03:18

Lalunya grin

allegretto Wed 19-Apr-17 23:04:02

How on earth do you make meals for the whole week? Genuinely interested in what they could be! And yes, I think he wants a bit of a change. Why not take a break from cooking and let him do it?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta Wed 19-Apr-17 23:04:08

Why do you behave like his mummy? Poor guy. Please don't treat him like a child - it's disrespectful and he will get to the point that he will prefer to live on his oen

NapQueen Wed 19-Apr-17 23:04:33

Good lord OP. You rather like to be in charge dont you?

Naicehamshop Wed 19-Apr-17 23:04:45

This cannot be for real. hmm

Only1scoop Wed 19-Apr-17 23:06:21

Agree Naice

WonkoTheSane42 Wed 19-Apr-17 23:06:58

It sounds like he's had a moment of clarity and seen decades of Tupperware containers filled with planned meals stretching out to the end of his life and he's experimenting with cracking up about it.

LookAtTheFlowersKerry Wed 19-Apr-17 23:06:59

My elderly inlaws have this sort of routine. They find it comforting.

OP are you 75 and set in your ways?

AnathemaPulsifer Wed 19-Apr-17 23:07:09

YABU - I think most adults would rebel against someone else demanding that degree of control over their life.

NapQueen Wed 19-Apr-17 23:07:15


Every now and again I read a thread and think "what utter bollocks"

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