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AIBU to feel pissed at dh

(25 Posts)
themusicmum Wed 19-Apr-17 13:52:12

Sh went away for a day recently, and when he came back, the house was a mess. Well, one room actually. I had told the kids to clean up the mess from the movie night they had, and they didn't. Sh was pissed off about it, which is totally get. But going on and on, saying he cant go away as he feels the place goes to shit, and claiming he feels frustrated that he cant go anywhere. I admit I should have made sure the job was done. But I also think it is a choice on his part. If he chooses not to injoy himself while going out of an evening, or feeling like he had to rush home that's his choice. Meanwhile, I guess I have to work on my housekeeping skills.

Willow2017 Wed 19-Apr-17 14:16:40

He is being a pratt.

One room messy for one day doesnt mean the world is going to end. Does he clean up after himself every time he does something? Bet he doesnt.
He wasnt even there, what effect did it have on him? Was he forced to clean it up? Doubt it.

Tell him to grow up, if a messy room is the worst of his worries then he is doing ok.

Why are you doing all the work if he is out enjoying himself? When do you go out as a family, on your own? Does he do anything in the house as a partnership? I am sure he makes things dirty too and they are his kids too I presume so he should be doing something.

Pollydonia Wed 19-Apr-17 14:22:46

Mine USED to pull this shit when the dc were small and he worked away for a week. He would come in and roll his eyes at the " mess" ( key left on the table, magazine not in the rack) until my lovely MIL clocked it one day and asked why on earth he was acting like a RSM when Id been the one looking after 2dc & pets and working ft! That shut him up .

Armadillostoes Wed 19-Apr-17 14:25:16

Your DH sounds like he is being very childish about this. Why is it such a big deal? One room being messy is not a problem-these things happen. Also why not address the failure of the DC to tidy up rather than moan to you?

fruityb Wed 19-Apr-17 14:30:33

I'd be making the rest of the house a mess and going out leaving him with it.

The day my OH ever dares pass comment like that will be the day I stop doing any of it and seeing how he manages then!!

UppityHumpty Wed 19-Apr-17 15:06:58

Need more info really. Who does the lionshare of the housework in the house - is it you or him? If him then yes he does have a point if you can't manage a tidy house even for a day. If you, then you need to make it clear to him that his comments upset you & that if he wants a perfect home he should also take some responsibility for it.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 19-Apr-17 15:12:37

How old are the kids? How much shitwork do both of you do?

themusicmum Wed 19-Apr-17 15:41:19

Ok some more info. I'm looking for ways to fix this situation. Sh does quite a bit of the house work. I am vision impaired and I give it my best shot but I'm not that great at it. My dog ate the chicken and chocolate that was left out there. I did something I never do. I let the kids and me eat in front of the Rv just as a treat. They didn't clear the boxes of leftovers etc, and I should have checked but didn't. Kids are 6, 10 and 19. It's an ongoing issue but the dog was the last straw.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 19-Apr-17 15:43:33

So the dog ate something poisonous because the kids didn't clean up. Yeah, I'd be pissed off if I was him too. Sorry.

pinkyredrose Wed 19-Apr-17 15:45:12

The dog needs the vet, chocolate is toxic to dogs.

HorridHenryrule Wed 19-Apr-17 15:47:54

I'm sure he will be fine. You should have forced your children to clean up after themselves.

Willow2017 Wed 19-Apr-17 15:48:22

Kids are messy little (and big) buggers. If he saw my two's bedroom some days he would have a fit 😀 plates, wrappers, fruit peel, cups lying all over the place. I go nuts at them but it's just as bad following weekend.
He wasn't there you were all enjoying some family time. It's no big deal. Tell kids off and move on.

The way he speaks to you on the other hand is worrying.

Astro55 Wed 19-Apr-17 15:51:22

My answer to this would be

'It's not my mess - I didn't make it'
'You are talking to the wrong person'

'If it upsets you - speak to the children or clean it up'

Yes you asked - given their ages they should've done it -

Renaissance2017 Wed 19-Apr-17 15:53:53

I'm assuming the dog is a guide dog? Depends how much chocolate, but a small amount, whilst not great is not a trip to the vets!

The ones to blame are the kids. All old enough to clear up. It's also up to him whether he wants to be a martyr or not, but he shouldn't be taking that out on the OP.

TimetohittheroadJack Wed 19-Apr-17 15:54:03

petsci.co.uk/tools/chocolate-toxicity-calculator/chocolate-toxicity-calculator.html#results

This calculator allows you to judge whether the amount of chocolate the dog ate is dangerous. Any more than a normal size bar of milk chocolate is dangerous for s small dog. Dark chocolate is more toxic.

Willow2017 Wed 19-Apr-17 15:54:43

This didnt happen yesterday I dont think the dog needs a vet now. I don't think eating a bit of choc along with the chicken is going to do any lasting damage.
Trying to guilt trip the op is not very nice when she is looking for support. We dont know how often she is 'reprimanded' by her dh for not being-'good enough' while he is off enjoying himself.

limon Wed 19-Apr-17 15:58:33

Yabu unless this is a one off.. It is fucking sold destroying being the one who constantly has to clear up other people's mess.

RedSkyAtNight Wed 19-Apr-17 16:07:33

So who cleared up the mess in the end? Did DH think you were leavingit for him to do?

UppityHumpty Wed 19-Apr-17 22:00:50

Ok so he has a point OP. Sounds like he might be doing a lot around the house & getting frustrated with what he perceives as lack of support. Strongly suggest you tell the 19 yo to pull their weight around the house, and the other two aren't too young for chores.

themusicmum Thu 20-Apr-17 01:29:29

Don't worry, I took the dog to the vet the moment I knew about the illness. She is perfectly fine. Thanks for the replies.

themusicmum Thu 20-Apr-17 01:40:36

The kids cleaned the mess. I was looking for support, so any ideas would be welcome. The thing I objected too was not the cleaning bit... I know it's an issue I need to work with. The thing that got me was he should have spoken to me with out the kids there, or blasted the kids as it was all their stuff. I want solutions to the problem,

Euphemia Thu 20-Apr-17 04:37:51

What consequences did the children face for not tidying up after themselves?

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 20-Apr-17 05:50:58

He probably should have spoken to you without the kids there. But you were in charge so it is your issue. The eldest as well, actually!

What to do? Get everyone together and talk about what will do, when and how. And what all your consequences will be if you don't. Get creative, write it all down and agree to it. And stick with it.

HorridHenryrule Fri 21-Apr-17 09:43:40

The kids have to do their fair share of the house work. Your husband should be encouraging them to help you. Yes he was upset over the mess but it's the kids mess. I bet you they clean up at school but they don't want to do it at home. You have to stick your foot up their backside and make them clean and tell your husband the same thing so he can support you with them cleaning.

HorridHenryrule Fri 21-Apr-17 09:48:12

Tell him not to have a go in front of the children and tell him how it makes you feel. Don't stay quiet to keep the peace because then he will do it again that's his way of coping with the situation as you don't tell him nothing about your feelings. If you need help tell him.

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