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To ask her to pay???

(54 Posts)
UnicornsAreReal666 Wed 19-Apr-17 12:57:40

Quick backstory just so you all dont think I'm being a bitch

DC birthday party coming up, for the past 3 years my DF has not turned up to my DC birthday, (with their DC of course) literally cancelled on the day or an hour before, every time, either her DC refused to leave the house or just couldn't be bothered, this is a known thing for her.
I Asked DF to let me know if she will be coming to DC party as I was paying for it v soon, and didn't want to get them a place their not going to turn up or cancel, by this time id asked her 4 times+ with no specific answer, so as you do I payed for the party, but not place for her DC.

Today a week after I've payed up announces that she may make it.

The AIBU part is, AIBU to have her pay for her own DC? She did offer I just don't want to be a bitch because I feel like one haha.
1. Incase she doesn't turn up/cancel and again in out of pocket.
2. Ive spent the birthday budget now as its next week! So even if I wanted to I haven't got the spare money to pay for another place.
3. I asked her 4 times maybe more as I see her almost everyday.


gincamelbak Wed 19-Apr-17 12:59:29

She "may" make it?
Tell her sorry but the party is booked and you can't add any more children now. Such a shame, next time if she can confirm earlier their child can be part of it.

catgirl1976 Wed 19-Apr-17 13:00:38

I'd send her a message saying "Oh that's great. I've paid the party in full now but I've checked with the venue and they've said you can just pay for yours at the door. Looking forward to seeing you!"

RiversrunWoodville Wed 19-Apr-17 13:00:59

I agree with gin too late

UnicornsAreReal666 Wed 19-Apr-17 13:01:31

Just to add I have more than one DC so she has done it to them all at least twice, others I haven't had a party or we've had a day out etc

SugarMiceInTheRain Wed 19-Apr-17 13:02:25

What gincamelbak said. Too late, already booked and paid for those who confirmed, can't add more. Maybe she'll learn not to mess people around. I'm not uptight, but I get really annoyed when people do this. Make a decision and stick to it! (Unless there's a genuine emergency/ sickness obviously)

CookieLady Wed 19-Apr-17 13:02:38

Nope, too late. Fully booked.

froofroomcgoo Wed 19-Apr-17 13:02:54

What gin says!

UnicornsAreReal666 Wed 19-Apr-17 13:04:03

The venue has said I can add and pay for extra people up to 48hours before the party, I'm just too nice to turn people away haha.

It wasn't over text we saw each other face to face, I didn't know what to say felt guilt almost instantly blush

She knows I'm now low on budget and did offer to pay for her DC.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Wed 19-Apr-17 13:04:46

Let her pay the venue direct (if she can be arsed to come).

gincamelbak Wed 19-Apr-17 13:06:58

She has only given you a "may attend" now, according to your OP.

You don't have to tell them you can add more children. Just tell her she's too late, such a shame, next time get back to you earlier. Simple.

If she says she'll pay then tell her she can pay and the child can go along. But it's her choice.

UnicornsAreReal666 Wed 19-Apr-17 13:09:08

She knows the venue do this. I may just leave her to pay for herself, but from now on not offer at all...

I'd have to settle up by the end of this week for extras, though I'm not going to remind anymore grin and if DF hasn't settled with me by then, then the party's full...

UnicornsAreReal666 Wed 19-Apr-17 13:09:46

Lol Testing

ILookedintheWater Wed 19-Apr-17 13:10:02

what catgirl said^^ all venues have a little leeway. Don't spend in advance unless you absolutely can't avoid it.

UnicornsAreReal666 Wed 19-Apr-17 13:16:21

I paid for everyone who confirmed on time.

Definitely can't afford to pay for maybes'. I will her know again I've paid for the venue, give her the party reservation number if she wants she'll call and pay for DC place if not, they won't be there. Done

Can always rely on you guys flowers

callmeadoctor Wed 19-Apr-17 13:16:40

Desperately trying to think what DF is (and I've been on here years!!!)

callmeadoctor Wed 19-Apr-17 13:17:33

Dear friend? Must be I guess. How come she is a friend if she lets you down ?

ChaiTeaTaiChi Wed 19-Apr-17 13:19:02

I can't understand why you keep asking her, time after time. Are you a glutton for punishment?

Motoko Wed 19-Apr-17 13:19:56

If she pays, make sure she doesn't expect you to pay the venue, then she'll pay you back. Get the money off her first, or get her to pay the venue.

If she has to pay, she might actually turn up as she won't want to have wasted the money.

UnicornsAreReal666 Wed 19-Apr-17 13:24:18

Dear Friend... Sorry.

I must be chaiTea I'm working on that! grin

I wont be paying for her to pay me back moto I stopped communication with an old friend due to reasons like this.

ScrommidgeClaryAndSpunt Wed 19-Apr-17 13:24:46

And you are friends with this person because.......?

cordeliavorkosigan Wed 19-Apr-17 13:24:53

it's simple - she offered to pay for her dc and given the past experience this is the right thing to do; accept her offer! yes she can call the venue and book/pay herself. then maybe she'll turn up.

TheReefer Wed 19-Apr-17 13:26:44

This time..., right here...should be a fun time - planning ur kids birthday party.....but you are letting this 'non' friend take over the memory of it with her faffing

Just STOP. Stop letting her make you anxious, stop chasing her up, just STOP and concentrate on what you should be concentrating on, your kids birthday - take the control back

Tell her its too late, and stop inviting her. End of

MatildaTheCat Wed 19-Apr-17 13:28:02

I'm just astonished you've even asked her. I dread to think what she's like for any sort of other arrangement.

When did you last actually see her? 1997?

UnicornsAreReal666 Wed 19-Apr-17 13:28:35

Ive been told several times by a few that she takes advantage of me, ive stopped saying yes to her non reciprocated 'favours'.
I'm kind of the only friend she has so somehow feel its my duty to be that only friend, if that makes sense.

Though my patience is wearing a little thin...

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