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to ask whats wrong with me? :( (sex drive has vanished)

(7 Posts)
user1488487346 Wed 19-Apr-17 02:39:59

Me and my boyfriend have a fantastic, loving best friend type relationship.. we live together and adore eachother, constant cuggles,kisses,jokes,laughter etc.

Been together (just) over a year.
at the start we had sex like twice a day probably, always him initiating it (im just ''nervous'' or not confident)
i used to have sex with lots of random guys before i met him, always while drunk..dont judge..and i lost my virginity to a much older man, in a car.. ( i had very low self esteem and used to give my body away to strangers without a thought)

but now i feel like iv genuinely lost my sex drive, hes asked me several times over months am i attracted to him etc, cause i never initiate sex, sometimes we go for weeks on end without it, i dont know whats wrong with me, i used to masturbate every night /day (TMI i know) and in the last few months, i dont from one month to the next? :S and sometimes (alot of the time) i wish sex didnt exist sad

i dont have that 'naughty' side in me, i cringe when i think of being 'naughty' or sneaky with eachother during the day lets say..i wish i had that feeling of sexuality in me, its literally just not there..

i was scared to post this in fear of it seeming it just my confidence? i've become very reserved over the last year or two and hope its just me not being comfy in my skin..
i just feel like im screaming inside wishing id make an effort, and i never do... btw im 20 so its not like we have kids running around or the novelty has worn off eachother..

even my friend in work jokes about being in a bad mood and ''getting a good shag'' and i just think 'no thanks'

im very attracted to my boyfriend etc im just so confused and feel hurt as to why i have no interest in sex anymore.... or masturbation or anything of the sort, it really upsets me and i dont want to drive him away... i feel like im depriving him of sex, something our loving, amazing relationship should have lots of :'(

user1488487346 Wed 19-Apr-17 02:40:53

i just realised i wrote cuddles as cuggles...a fine example of our cheesy cute baby talk sad ... kind of crying as i write this while he snores beside me..

user1488487346 Wed 19-Apr-17 02:43:51

then another side of me has read stuff which i kind of agree with / probably trying to cinvince myself, that not everyone has to have constant sex (nowadays its the norm) ...then again...probably bs trying to make myself feel better... even if i thought 'its ok not to want sex' obviously he would disagree like any normal person..

sarebear1983 Wed 19-Apr-17 03:42:37

Please try and not worry about this. Sex does become less frequent as the 'newness' of the relationship wears off and as you become more comfortable in the relationship.
Plus hormones are easily affected by allsorts, some for just normal hormonal fluctuations and others for many other reasons like any other stress you were under etc. Personally for me, it was being on the contraceptive pill for a number of years, it happened so gradually that I a, didn't realise the extent of the problem and b, just thought it was me not caring about sex.
We all experience low sex drives at one time or another, and especially if you have low self esteem, any pressure you put on yourself will only make it seem worse.
Try and not worry, and talk to your boyfriend about it. Getting things out in the open will help and so will the support you will hopefully get from him x

Imamouseduh Wed 19-Apr-17 07:25:24

Have you gone on the pill in the last year? That can have a massive effect on sex drive, I had to come off it for that reason.

TheFifthKey Wed 19-Apr-17 07:30:06

Interesting you say about the baby talk - I was in a relationship where we did this (not in a sickening way, but it was sort of representative of the friendly/comfortable nature of our relationship) and I think it killed sex for me. Certainly the idea of being naughty as you say was non-existent and sex began to feel almost disgusting. With other partners my sex drive came back with a vengeance and I refound my ability to talk dirty etc. The idea of sending my ex a rude text turned my stomach but I love doing it now! It's like the nature of your relationship shifts from being sexual equals to friends.

user1488487346 Thu 20-Apr-17 06:00:08

yeah iv been using the pill on and off (forget to take it) over the last year or morre maybe thats it..

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