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To feel pissed off at my husbands attitide towards our home?!

(121 Posts)
Dumbo412 Tue 18-Apr-17 20:11:38

Today was the final straw, he took his car to get scrapped, walked home and trod oil onto the hallway carpet. It's so far been me and only me who has tried to get it out and I'm quietly fuming about it. I have anxiety about dirty carpets. No idea why but I do.

This all rests on other things.

The house hasn't been standing very long, in fact I've lived here for less than five months.

But still, in this time the kitchen cupboard has come off in my hand, he refuses to fix it.

The hallway is all dinged from when he tried to move the sofa through the hall and up the stairs.

Every bloody toilet seat in the house is broken.

The radiator in the hall was also knocked off the wall in the process of moving the sofa.

I also have only two sets of curtains up in the house (8 more sets to go) and not one solitary light shade.

Stuff that needed to go in the loft when we moved in was never moved up so the spare room that I intended on having as a dressing room is a junk room, and I have toolboxes is both the office and my bedroom.

Oh and I also have no mirrors up in the house either.

It doesn't feel homely and I'm pissed off with feeling like we've still just moved in.

Fwiw and so I don't drip feed, every issue he could sort. He's a builder and actually oversaw the build of the house we live in so it's not like he doesn't have the ability to do these things, and in fact would lose his shit if I saw it as something I wanted to do.

Maybe I'm being a cow, but I want a house to look nice and feel like home, but it doesn't. I fucking hate this house. I hate it.

dontbesillyhenry Tue 18-Apr-17 20:13:20

Are you disabled or unable to do diy jobs at all?

Nicknacky Tue 18-Apr-17 20:14:08

I'm not meaning to be rude but some of that work you could do yourself? It's annoying that he hasn't but some if it is perfectly manageable.

user1483387154 Tue 18-Apr-17 20:14:52

Do the things yourself

SuperBeagle Tue 18-Apr-17 20:16:17

Echoing others, do it yourself.

Scottishchick39 Tue 18-Apr-17 20:16:18

For god sake, just do it yourself! It's not rocket science, just because he's a man doesn't mean he has to do all these jobs. I do most of these myself even though I've got a DH.

arbrighton Tue 18-Apr-17 20:16:30

And I bet, having been doing his job all day, he doesn't want to come home and do more of the same! And I also bet the more you grumble the more he digs his heels in and puts it off again.

AFAIK, there is no law against women doing DIY and many are competent. Sadly I am not one of them- I know the theory but am too clumsy to actually follow through.

And what's stopping you putting something in the loft?

Dumbo412 Tue 18-Apr-17 20:18:57

Some of the bits I can do, and will do, like the cupboard and toilet seats, it's just the attitude where he's like well that shouldn't do that, so I'll complain to the developers- HE WAS WORKING FOR THEM! It was his job to ensure that cupboards weren't falling off 3 days after people moved in!

Don't get me wrong, I'm more than happy to do these things, but things like curtains that he left after putting two sets up annoys me.

spaghettithrower Tue 18-Apr-17 20:19:02

Do those things yourself. Watch youtube videos on how to hang curtain rails and mirrors. And why can't you buy and mount your own lightshades?
Why is he refusing to fix the kitchen cupboard? What is the back story here?
Don't understand this situation.

Lepetitmarsellais Tue 18-Apr-17 20:19:53

Oh come on people, her DH is a builder! I expect it would be a lot easier and quicker for him to do these jobs. I wouldn't have a clue how to reattach a radiator to a wall!

OP yanbu. It doesn't sound like he has much respect for your home.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Tue 18-Apr-17 20:20:06

I'm married to a plumber, 12 years I've been waiting for him to fit a shower in our downstairs loo. He works all hours and doesn't have time or the inclination to do the work on our house.

It doesn't really bother me.

Oysterbabe Tue 18-Apr-17 20:20:24

It does annoy me a bit when women just see DIY as the man's job. People would go nuts if a man implied cooking and cleaning was a woman's job.
YANBU about the oil though.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta Tue 18-Apr-17 20:20:47

Oh is this a stealth boast with your ten rooms, including a dressing room and lots of toilet seats?

StillStayingClassySanDiego Tue 18-Apr-17 20:22:28

Yes the oil on the carpet would really piss me off.

MrsChopper Tue 18-Apr-17 20:22:48

Would do my head in. Do it yourself or hire a handyman for the things you struggle with!

HerBluebiro Tue 18-Apr-17 20:23:49

"The children of a dentist always have the worst teeth." Or something like that.

But most of those jobs are not something you would need a builder for. Is there a reason you can't hang your own curtains or put your own lamp shades up? Sure not the radiator, but the rest are not even diy jobs. Just jobs.

AnniesShop Tue 18-Apr-17 20:23:55

Borrow his tools to fix the things he won't do - bang those tools about and whirl that drill on full speed till it screams and watch him snatch it off you to do the job himself. wink

d270r0 Tue 18-Apr-17 20:23:59

Hes a builder so he works... do you?
The only thing I can see that hes done wrong is accidently tread oil on the carpet.
All the other stuff either of you could do. Pretty easy to put curtains up etc. If it bothers you, sort it.

Religionorno Tue 18-Apr-17 20:24:02

I think I'd do it myself, not sure why you aren't just getting on with stuff. No curtains after how long? That would drive me nuts.

ShesAStar Tue 18-Apr-17 20:24:11

If he doesn't want to do those jobs and you don't want to do them either just employ an odd job person for a couple of days. Probably charge about £80 a day. Bargain!

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon Tue 18-Apr-17 20:25:45

Maybe OP can't DIY? I seriously thought lampshades were held up by the bulb. My stupidity only came to light when DP went to change the light bulb grin

ToffeeForEveryone Tue 18-Apr-17 20:26:08


Dumbo412 Tue 18-Apr-17 20:26:16

Livia! No! Many of the rooms have two windows! There's only 3 of us that live in our house, hence the spare room which I wanted to use as a DR cos I'm so untidy and I want a tidy room- keep the messy clothes out of sight! So my house is no bigger than anyone else's!

I see the DIY as his job, of course! I can spend a day hanging something to be told I've done it wrong, or leave him to do it for 20 mins and it'll be done properly.

BarbaraofSeville Tue 18-Apr-17 20:27:02

The cobblers children don't have any shoes, biro.

OP do the jobs yourself or hire a handyperson and if you're the one doing all the washing etc, perhaps find that you don't have time to do your DHs washing if it makes you feel better.

CrazedZombie Tue 18-Apr-17 20:28:08

This has to be about something else.

Just do the easy stuff like the toilet seats, going into loft, curtains and lampshades. (I wouldn't have the confidence to sort out radiators.

Flash Magic Eraser is great for scuffs on walls and if it's a new house then you'll be able to find the right paint to paint over any scuffs that don't come out.

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