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AIBU for not wanting this kind of attitude around my DD

(47 Posts)
JessKM Tue 18-Apr-17 09:27:25

Long story I apologise in advance

- DH has taken DC's 1,2 and 4 camping for long weekend, DC 3 and me stay home due to some specific medical needs she has - we said we would do some nice things together anyway.

We're relatively new to this area and we're all starting to make a few friends, my daughter who is seven especially enjoys playing with the little girl across the street who is about her age too.

Yesterday her mum asked where my usual stampede of children was (she's an older mum with just one DC, and she's made a few comments in the past about how many children we have, I just let it slide as I'm happy!) I was explaining to her they were away with dad and she suggests that we take ourselves and our girls out for a nice girly dinner...I readily agreed! Sounded fabulous.

My kids are by no means Angels (this is the understatement of the century, sometimes they're the epitome of why some species eat their own young, especially the teenagers!) so I'm pretty laid back when it comes to behaviour management.

However, we're sitting in this lovely local Italian restaurant, and DDs friend is playing on her mums phone and completely ignoring DD...this isn't something we've ever allowed, we believe that phones at the table are a no-no but each to their own, food arrived and we all began eating, except friend, who is still on phone. This was beginning to irritate me a bit but wasn't my place so didn't say anything. After about ten minutes other mum asked
'Darling, put the phone away now and eat your pizza' to which this angelic, lovely little 7 year old
replied

'you can shove your pizza up your arse, I'm busy'

shockshockshockshock

My daughter started to laugh and I told her that it's not funny we don't speak to adults that way, then realised other mum was laughing at her daughter - when I said this she turned to me and accused me of trying to 'parent her daughter' and maybe I should stick to my own 'over-populated crowd of children'. I have 4 by the way, I wouldn't refer to them as a crowd.

Cue awkward silence for rest of meal, when we left I politely thanked other mum and child and we left - when DH and rest of 'crowd' returned last night I mentioned to him that I'm now not fond of neighbours child and don't think DD should be spending too much time with her and he says I'm being precious!!! Am I????

I was a bit taken aback that he wasn't more outraged by this, I've said I would never choose my children's friends for them, but if this is the way this little girl usually speaks to her parents and her parents are fine with that, that's not how we're bringing up our kids!!

Am I really the unreasonable one here, I feel like DH would have reacted differently were he there, and I despair the day DD says something like that to him! What would you do in this situation???

allowlsthinkalot Tue 18-Apr-17 09:32:35

YANBU at all. Encourage other friendships for your dd, polite but frosty to this other mum.

JessKM Tue 18-Apr-17 09:36:36

Thanks for this! That's exactly how I feel about it. I'd be cordial for sake of DD and not wanting to make things awkward. I could have told this woman I think her daughter is heinous, I held that in. I know I'm a bit old fashioned in my views but I can't see any way that this attitude is acceptable!!!

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Tue 18-Apr-17 09:37:00

Well done for managing to stick it out for the rest of the meal. . Think I would have walked.
I have 4 under 12 and no way would they have behaved less than spot on in a restaurant!! And no way would any of them have spoken to me or dh like that!!
Maybe that's why she only has 1?

NotTodayBillyRay Tue 18-Apr-17 09:38:09

YANBU!! I wouldn't want that attitude from a 7 year old at all!

I have 4 children too, and a 7 year old son and I wouldn't accept that from him, he knows better than to talk like that to an adult. I wouldn't have that from my 12 year old either!!

Definitely avoid neighbour, she doesn't sound nice at all (maybe she's jealous?? You have 4 well behaved kids and she has 1 mouthy one?)

MatildaTheCat Tue 18-Apr-17 09:40:44

I would definitely not let my child go there again. That poor child learned that language from somewhere, quite possibly he mother.

She sounds beyond rude.

JessKM Tue 18-Apr-17 09:41:46

I hadn't thought of it that way nottoday....

From the little that I know, they're an older (mid forties couple) who had been married for about 20 years before surprise DD came along...I think she's obviously very special to them which I can understand but I don't think they've ever said no to her.

She also speaks in an annoyingly weird over the top American accent sometimes, which is totally unrelated but I find odd, given this is Yorkshire and she's Yorkshire born and bred - I can only assume tv/internet is to blame!!

Penhacked Tue 18-Apr-17 09:43:07

Truly awful. Avoid and do not facilitate friendship for sure!! You keep your standards and you did well to be so polite in the face of that!!

JessKM Tue 18-Apr-17 09:45:50

Thanks for your support everyone!!! I thought from my husbands reaction that maybe I was the crazy one! It's good to know others would be the same!!! (Il be showing him these to prove a point later wink)

Damselindestress Tue 18-Apr-17 09:48:08

YANBU! Not only the child's behaviour but also the mother's comments were completely uncalled for. You weren't parenting her daughter, you were parenting your own daughter by telling her not to copy that behaviour. And it's not the first time she's made a dig about your family size. I would be polite but distant in the future.

Racmactac Tue 18-Apr-17 09:56:40

Wow. I would keep my distance!

SapphireStrange Tue 18-Apr-17 10:01:09

I'd have walked out at the 'over-populated crowd of children' comment. Possibly pausing to chuck a drink in her face, the bitch.

Sack her off. You don't need people speaking to you like that.

Willow2017 Tue 18-Apr-17 10:03:22

She had no right to talk to you like that and I would be avoiding from now on.
If she ever speaks about your family in your earshot like that again turn to the MN classic "Did you mean to be so rude"?

She sounds awful and is bringing her daughter up to be awful too.

MaisyPops Tue 18-Apr-17 10:04:22

You didnt even parent her daughter you told YOUR daughter that YOU dont want YOUR children to be rude to adults.

If the neighbour wants to raise a brat that's her issue.
Maybe she's just annoyed that you have 4 well behaved kids and she's indulging a little princess.

JayneAusten Tue 18-Apr-17 10:05:40

I would be horrified to hear that comment coming out of a 7 year old's mouth too. And not just the comment but the attitude when out for a meal as a treat. As others have said, where has she even heard this phrase? It's deeply unpleasant, especially coming from a young child. The phone in the restaurant thing - well it would have been better if she'd encouraged her daughter to be sociable but some people are very reliant on technology and it has certainly been a lifesaver with my own kids at times where they are struggling to wait, but manners dictates it goes away at the start of the meal. The mother sounds as ill mannered as her daughter, with that comment, and I would see it as a nice early warning that you are not suited as friends and be polite but not socialise from now on.

JessKM Tue 18-Apr-17 10:05:51

I love the 'did you mean to be so rude' comment!!!!

Absolutely going to try that grin

We're TTC number 5 at the moment, she may be the first person I tell if we're lucky enough to be successful!!

Damselindestress Tue 18-Apr-17 10:07:39

Having read your recent comments it sounds like she is jealous of your family size because of her trouble conceiving. Probably she would have liked more DC, which is why she resents you and spoils her DD. It's sad but you still shouldn't have to put up with rude behaviour.

Batgirlspants Tue 18-Apr-17 10:11:23

She said 'shove your pizza up your arse' she's 7.. wow just wow.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Tue 18-Apr-17 10:11:56

How dare she speak to you so rudely?

I would be ashamed if my 7yo spoke to me like that. Absolutely sliding down under the table mortified.

Can't imagine where the child gets her potty mouth from hmm

JessKM Tue 18-Apr-17 10:14:20

My DHs reasoning was that maybe she was embarrassed so she lashed out but her child shouldn't know that kind of language, not least use it in context!!!

HerOtherHalf Tue 18-Apr-17 10:16:43

YANBU. Children learn by example as you know. Clearly this is not an example you want your DD to learn from and as the other mum has no intention of changing her daughter's behaviour I don't see what option you have other than to keep them apart. Unless of course you are happy to accept that some day soon your daughter might tell you to stick your pizza (other fast foods are available) up your arse.

Damselindestress Tue 18-Apr-17 10:16:43

But it's not the first time she's said such things about you and your family so it wasn't just because she was embarrassed.

nothercupoftea Tue 18-Apr-17 10:17:27

wow I can't believe a child would say that, and to her mother! That would be enough to ban my own kids from seeing her, but the mum's reaction would have been the cherry on the cake.

You can spoil your kids and still teach them manners, but this is beyond that. I don't choose my children's friends for them, but I do have a very strong say on who comes to my home, and which house they visit.

YANBU
and good luck to the other mum when her child enters the wonderful years of teenage-hood...

lazyarse123 Tue 18-Apr-17 10:18:28

And folk wonder why we have so many entitled and rude children these days (am really old and can't stand rude kids). I do remember years ago meeting my husbands nephew, he was 4 and his mum told him it was bathtime and he actually told her to fuck off. The whole family burst into laughter, not me or partner we were absolutely mortified. Sorry YANBU.

QuiteUnfitBit Tue 18-Apr-17 10:20:28

Blimey, I've never even heard my teens or their friends talk like that!

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