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To not want a fuss?

(6 Posts)
SucklingDuckling Mon 17-Apr-17 23:46:18

Because everyone seems to get upset with me! I'm not at all shy or an introvert but I really dislike being the centre of attention.

My family are all very 'fussy' - big celebrations, huge cake, meal out for 12 people for every birthday, extortionate presents etc. They do it to be nice and mean no harm, but I'm finding it exhausting this year - I'm 6m pregnant and balancing a lot of stuff atm.

Similarly planning my wedding - honestly, I'd love a very small day somewhere rural or even abroad. Family would all be shocked if they weren't invited and my parents would be upset I wouldn't have a huge fancy do in a stately home. My father's side of the family has over 50 people alone!

DP is taking me away on a mystery holiday and it sounds romantic and lovely but every day he keeps making me guess where we're going, giving me impossible hints etc. I'm excited and it'll be lovely but again, he just tries so hard and I said I'd be happy going camping in the lake district! And I meant it.

So it's just that really - I feel bad because people close to me love to treat me and everyone is so wonderful, but I hate fuss and attention but no one seems to get it! Is anyone like this? I'm aware I probably sound spoiled and unappreciative, but I swear I am. It's just a lot!

Astro55 Mon 17-Apr-17 23:48:57

It would annoy me too

It's like a tradition you shouldn't break

Be that person and do what you want if they live you you'll find a way to resolve these big issues

We eloped everyone is still speaking to us it's not a big deal

DasPepe Tue 18-Apr-17 00:12:23

It sounds like your family and you have very different ideas about celebrating, esp things like marriage. I doubt there is time and strength to find common ground on this.

Extreme advice (and maybe wrong not knowing lots of details). Elope. Then come back and throw a party, smaller than a wedding but which would, in part cater to the expectations of your families and make them feel included. Can always use pregnancy as an excuse!

You get a wedding no one interferes with. You also get a party without the marriage pressure (this extra bit makes preparations sometimes blow out of proportion).

Ultimately it's your day (wedding) but when you throw a wedding reception it is also a bit about the guests, so if your ideas differ so much, it's best to separate them. People might get a boat upset but they will get over it!

Meekonsandwich Tue 18-Apr-17 19:58:50

A martyr is never happy and if you live your life for others you'll end up desperately sad. How many people regret living their lives exactly how they wanted to?
I can't bear the thought of people looking at me getting married, I don't want to be the centre of attention and its not about them and what they want at all. So we're eloping!

theclick Tue 18-Apr-17 20:31:07

Im like this. Much prefer a nice dinner with DH on major occasions than major family get togethers. We just go ahead and do it, it's my decision what I do for my birthday etc.

expatinscotland Tue 18-Apr-17 20:34:56


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