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To think parents should initiate meetings with their wider family, even if you are in your 40s

(12 Posts)
scaryclown Mon 17-Apr-17 21:33:50

I've not seen my uncles and aunts on my dad's side for about 35 years. They were a big feature of my childhood, but lost contact with them during teen years. Since then my parents divorced, and there was a time when I didn't really speak to my dad.

I have been in touch recently, and he keeps saying 'my sister is in a home' and 'I'm going to meet my brother (my uncle) and go walking'.

I don't have their contact details etc, and haven't been in touch, largely because I sort of associate meeting uncles and cousins with functional families, and don't feel like I'm in one,

But am I being weird in thinking of my dad as the gateway to his family? What do people here do? Do they interact with wider families? Direct? Via parents only??

Dozer Mon 17-Apr-17 21:37:45

If you'd like to see people in the extended family and they're not local it'd make sense to have their contact details and organise things directly.

SuperBeagle Mon 17-Apr-17 21:46:06

I'm the opposite. I wish my grandmother would stop dictating to the rest of us that we must be involved with our extended family.

If I wanted to know them, I'd go out of my way to contact them. I don't need someone else forcing encouraging it.

If you want to contact these people, ask your dad for their details and go ahead. He doesn't have to be involved.

Ameliablue Mon 17-Apr-17 21:46:22

Once you become an adult you interact directly, is no longer up to your dad to arrange meetings.

Pinkandwhiteblossoms Mon 17-Apr-17 21:47:38

It's a dad thing. I have one aunt and two cousins and never see them. My dad forgot he had a family when he met my mum I think. IME most men are the same.

BackforGood Mon 17-Apr-17 21:51:03

Once you are an adult, it's up to you to get their contact details and have / build whatever relationship you want with them. Practicalities come in to it - like distance to travel, busy-ness of everyone's lives, similar interests or nothing in common, how much you actually like spending time with each other.

HermioneJeanGranger Mon 17-Apr-17 21:54:51

Why not get in touch directly? Ask your dad for an address/phone number and arrange to see them smile

Religionorno Mon 17-Apr-17 21:59:00

Same, my uncles were a big feature of my childhood, then I moved hundreds of miles away. I only ever see my mum's sister now, she was my second mum, I was her kids' second mum in turn. Haven't seen uncles for years, one because he couldn't leave the house, one because he's a druggie and everyone went NC after many years of trying to help him. Doesn't bother me,

SaveMeBarry Mon 17-Apr-17 22:01:14

Can you not ask your dad if you can visit them with him next time he's going? Then after you've met them again you can exchange phone numbers or suggest a get together (assuming you want to continue contact).

As an adult I think if you want to see them you need to progress that yourself and not wait for your dad to think of it.

MsVestibule Mon 17-Apr-17 23:11:11

I have three uncles/aunts, but I'm only in regular contact with one - we get on very well and we (my husband, children and I) enjoy going to stay with him and his wife.

I'm not that bothered about the other two, so apart from Christmas cards, weddings and funerals, we never see each other.

That's our normal!

Charley50 Mon 17-Apr-17 23:20:25

I've got a massive extended family and am fairly close to some cousins (all live in different countries) because as we got older some of us initiated meet-ups and offered each other places to stay when visiting the country. It wouldn't happen if we didn't do it ourselves.

Applesandpears23 Mon 17-Apr-17 23:22:27

I arranged to see my great aunt with her directly from when I was about 22. If you want to see them arrange it for yourself!

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