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To give this 'family' wedding a miss?

(10 Posts)
zazas Mon 17-Apr-17 19:44:43

My brother-in-law is getting married this August on a Wednesday and we are invited (us and our youngest child, as he has a child of a similar age - while our teenagers aren't) to the ceremony at the venue followed by a sit down lunch (approx 25/30 people attending). Two weeks later after their honeymoon they are having an evening party closer to their home for 100 that we are also invited to but are not expected to attend.

So my DH and I are debating if 'family come first'? This is because it falls bang in the middle of the only week in the summer holidays that we can take the week off work and head off with our youngest child.

Then of course there is the 'backstory'...it is the third wedding for them both - with the other weddings also being complete wham bang full on affairs. We attended my brother-in-laws 2nd wedding which was a whole weekend away from our at that stage young children - so we have made the effort previously.

Then there is the reality - that we are not close nor actually have anything in common. We don't regularly see them - not at Christmas etc or at any organised family events. They come up to where we live to see my DH parents at holidays but we usually don't meet up - nor do they drop in when they pass our house. Maybe they don't like us?!

However we do get on with my mother-in-law and even though she doesn't say it, I am sure she likes the idea of all three of her sons together for a lunch (it being 8 year since they were last together and that was a funeral!) Do we risk make a mother sad?

So do we suck it up and put 'the idea of family first' and deal with it - missing our summer break (we can obviously go for a shorter 3 days - not ideal!) or decide that really there comes a time when there really have been enough weddings and it is alright to just say no!

Newtothis2017 Mon 17-Apr-17 19:47:50

Being completely honest I would politely decline and go on your family holiday

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Mon 17-Apr-17 19:48:34

I would put your own family first and have a holiday. .
Send a card /gift and wish them well.
Or be prepared to put your plans also on hold for ceremony number 4...

TestingTestingWonTooFree Mon 17-Apr-17 19:50:18

If you haven't booked anything I think I'd go to the wedding, or at least if I didn't go, it would be because of the teenagers.

zazas Mon 17-Apr-17 20:37:51

Nothing booked as needed to work around a work commitment...the wedding date was set in January!

Not a problem re teenagers not invited - it was more to show that we are not close as a family - so the wedding is not been seen as a big family event or anything.

redshoeblueshoe Mon 17-Apr-17 20:58:12

I don't see why you would go.
Have fun with your family

StillDrivingMeBonkers Mon 17-Apr-17 21:01:32

How about a card "can't make this wedding, see you at the next one" grin

Weatherforecaster Mon 17-Apr-17 21:06:53

I think you should go. it's family. Can't you do your own family holiday from Friday night to Tuesday? Or Thurs to Sunday and just do a few days in this country or somewhere close in Europe? They might not be your favourite people but it's hardly going to help improve relationships if you don't even attend the wedding. Plus it'll mean a lot to MIL who you seem to care about. I'd go.

Actually just thinking. Could you holiday near enough the wedding to just go there for the day and enjoy the rest of the week with your kids?

zazas Mon 17-Apr-17 21:31:09

Weatherforecaster - I could of course compromise but its proving tricky as we can't leave until Saturday afternoon as one of the teenagers has a commitment that means we can't leave before then - so it really is a 3 day break max with the wedding being on a Wednesday. We also have to be back by the following Saturday!

We only live 35 mins away from the hotel - and although we live in what is considered a holiday destination - we really want a break and sun - (we are up north)!

redshoeblueshoe Mon 17-Apr-17 21:47:45

Does your DH want to go ? If he doesn't then I really don't see the point of you missing your family holiday, for someone who you very rarely see.

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