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To think he seems great about from this one thing?

(22 Posts)
MadisonMont Mon 17-Apr-17 17:11:47

He uses the phrase "that's gay" to describe something bad.

SmurfPants Mon 17-Apr-17 17:12:50

I hope you challenged him on it

ProudBadMum Mon 17-Apr-17 17:13:07

Is he 12? If so he will grow out of it..

If not then that would annoy the shit out me. I'd have to say 'oh really, it's a same sex relationship' or 'it doesn't look happy'

Or just fuck him off.

Gallavich Mon 17-Apr-17 17:13:51

That's really unacceptable. If he's just a guy you're dating then bin. If he's a long term partner then challenge him.

harderandharder2breathe Mon 17-Apr-17 17:16:11

He sounds about 12. Not an attractive quality. (Unless he is 12 and you're also 12... actually no calling things gay stlll isn't attractive)

SuperPug Mon 17-Apr-17 17:16:19

Not dump worthy but it is cringe worthy. Perhaps other people haven't pulled him up on it and it's acceptable with his friends etc. Gauge his reaction when you pull him up on it.

SheldonsSpot Mon 17-Apr-17 17:19:27

I'd try "wow, I've never heard anyone over the age of about 11 say that" and see what his reaction is.

nympthinyellow Mon 17-Apr-17 17:19:49

I occasionally catch DH saying it (he works in a macho 'banter' workplace) and deride him/ pull him up when he lets it slip. We've now decided on 'that's trumpish' and he's been free of it for nearly a year now grin

HeyCat Mon 17-Apr-17 17:19:58

Pull him up on it, then see how he reacts. A lot of people use that phrase without thinking through how offensive it is - if he can see that it's wrong and agree not to use it again once you've pointed it out then I wouldn't worry about it.

If he gets defensive, or insists on carrying on using it then I'd see that as a bad sign.

CuppaTeaTeddy Mon 17-Apr-17 17:24:38

How old is he? Dump him.

The comments on here made me laugh.

Trills Mon 17-Apr-17 17:47:52

If you are both quite young, I would be saying "you sound about 12, stop saying that" until he either dumped me or stopped saying it.

If you're in your 30s, it's not forgivable (in my book) that he hasn't learned this lesson already.

Doublevodkaredbull Mon 17-Apr-17 17:50:27

Gay is not a synonym for shitty.

HecateAntaia Mon 17-Apr-17 17:51:39

that one thing is a biggie.
it is , at best, a ridiculous thing to say.

it is not acceptable to use sexuality as an insult.

PeaFaceMcgee Mon 17-Apr-17 17:52:12

you know saying that makes you sound like a twat, don't you?

cardibach Mon 17-Apr-17 17:53:25

Challenge every time. I teach teenagers. When they say x is gay as a criticism I respond EVERY TIME with 'I'm pretty sure x doesn't have a sexual orientation'. (I'm assuming here it isn't people he's using it as an insult for - that would be much worse .) I'm so boring they generally don't say it in my hearing anymore.

SelfObsessionHoney Mon 17-Apr-17 17:55:04

DP said this the other day. About a cardigan. Ripped him apart for it. It's homophobic and entirely unnecessary.

greenworm Mon 17-Apr-17 18:00:37

I'd care more about whether he was actually homophobic or not than whether he used that phrase, which lots of people just use unthinkingly.

Has he said/done actual things to lead you to believe he has a problem with gay people?

SmileEachDay Mon 17-Apr-17 18:16:01

I do exactly the same cardibach - so much so that the teens I teach a lot do it for me if anyone uses "gay" as an insult in my hearing.

Pull the guy up on it for sure.

yorkshapudding Mon 17-Apr-17 18:26:36

I have literally only ever heard that phrase used by teenage boys, and most of them seem to grow out of it before they hit 16!
At worst he's a homophobe, which is indefensible. At best he's immature, which would be a real turn off for me. If he's immature and thoughtless in the language he chooses then I'd be willing to bet he's immature and thoughtless in other ways which may yet reveal themselves to you!

ClopySow Mon 17-Apr-17 18:40:48

My teenagers were actually offended by it so it must be really really uncool.

AtrociousCircumstance Mon 17-Apr-17 18:44:14

I hate that shit. At the very least tell him how homophobic and stupid he's being using that phrase and let him know it's a deal breaker.

andintothefire Mon 17-Apr-17 18:44:55

This phrase makes me so angry. My ex used it occasionally but after I pulled him up on it once or twice he made a conscious effort not to use it. I think it's normally used lazily rather than with any homophobic intention, but it still makes the person who uses it sound really stupid and ignorant!

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