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...to feel like it's all my fault...?

(8 Posts)
ScouseBird8364 Mon 17-Apr-17 13:42:43

I finally had to make the break from DH (of 10 years) 8 months ago, due to his persistent alcohol dependence and eventual verbal abuse (we have 3 DC). He suffered a Stroke back in 2012, and since then, lost his emotional lability; whilst I tried hard to understand and appreciate this, I had no affection (physical or verbal) for 4+ years. We have stayed close because of his illnesses and obviously our DC's, but he is living in a bungalow alone now (well, with the family Labrador), not taking care of his health or hygiene etc. So, my question is, and this guilt is still eating me up, have I made him deteriorate even more by basically throwing him out?? sad I couldn't continue to let the kids grow up in the environment, 1, because of the alcohol and 2, because he had become very disrespectful and I was worried my 2 boys would grow up adopting the same attitude towards women sad I love him dearly, but feel I cannot rid myself of guilt due to his health issues. Have I just made him worse?? sadsad

Babyroobs Mon 17-Apr-17 13:45:35

I hope he is looking after the dog if he is not looking after himself. Can you get the dog back ?
has he sought help for his alcohol problems, seems like a very sad situation. Did the alcohol issues only start after the stroke?

MrsTwix Mon 17-Apr-17 13:46:40

Repeat after me

"My children are important and their needs come first".

Chloe84 Mon 17-Apr-17 13:49:07

YANBU at all, OP. You made the best decision.

My only concern is that you still seem attached to him, as you say you are still close and love him.

Try to limit interaction to DC, so that you can start to move on, and eventually meet someone who will give you love and affection.

ScouseBird8364 Mon 17-Apr-17 13:50:51

Babyroobs, the dog is his really, he's a kind of therapy dog. Thing is, the dog is looked after, he makes sure of that. He was always a drinker (not massively, except for when he worked away / lived in a hotel through week), but yes,since Stroke, that's when things became gradually worse. I always tried to help in looking for the positives to our situation (we lost our home - mortgage / repossession) but he just couldn't come to terms with the way our lives had turned out sad

statetrooperstacey Mon 17-Apr-17 13:54:34

Well yes it probably has made him worse but really what choice did you have? It sounds like you have tried really really hard but have had the sense to call it a day.
His deterioration is not your fault. It is not really his fault either. What a sad sad situation for you both.
Your children come first and well done for doing what is best for them. They only have you really to truly look out for them, try not to feel guilty you have made the best of a best lot.flowers

statetrooperstacey Mon 17-Apr-17 13:54:58

Bad lot obviously

Babyroobs Mon 17-Apr-17 14:02:57

This sounds like a really difficult situation. Your dh suffered a life changing illness and has lost the ability to show emotions and has become dependent on alcohol as a result. I understand you need to put your children first but can equally understand why you feel guilty.
I hope he is getting the help and support he clearly needs. I think all you can do is continue to support him as much as you can whilst living in separate households.
Sorry things are so awful for you op. Whilst I agree that you need to put your kids first, I can also understand that he needs your support.
Does he have support rom family or friends?

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