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Giving stuff to people

(43 Posts)
Crapuccino Mon 17-Apr-17 12:41:34

I have NCed for this since it's potentially outing.

*Dripfeed version*: we were given a bunch of stuff that was gross and needed a huge amount of cleaning/sorting. Skip to bottom for question...

*Dropfeed version*: we're expecting in a few weeks, and have been given heaps of baby stuff, for which I am beyond grateful. For context, stuff from A and B was freshly laundered, in good or great shape, i.e. I'd happily use that stuff outside of the house right out of the bag. Then C offered us all her leftover stuff, and again I was thrilled and accepted. Our schedules cross like ships in the night a lot, so it was easier for her to drop bags off outside our door (she lives very close by) whenever she'd got it sorted. In the first drop was about four half-binliners of clothes and I'd say half of them smelled strongly of mould. Absolutely nothing had been laundered. Dirty tops, trousers, knickers, everything. Some of it was really dirty - covered in mud, paint, food, play-doh, sellotape, stickers, and more. Some had been "modified" with scissors - literally sleeves/frills/whatever hacked off, threads left hanging, ragged zig-zag edges. About half the toys/books were damaged beyond use. Overall, it meant a massive clean-up operation before weeding out anything that still hadn't come out usable, but I figured people live different lives and got on with it. Then, more bags kept appearing - probably about four more altogether over the space of a week. Thankfully they were getting smaller - the last was a carrier bag - but the stuff was in increasingly poor shape to the point that the last lot went entirely into the bin. Latter items included books with 80% of the pages torn out, slot-on block things that were missing the main toy, a welly missing its mate, a pair of shoes, one with the main buckle snapped off, an opened bag of nappies that must have gotten damp since they were unused but were halfway-fat, the nuts and bolts for... something, a very out-of-date opened box of baby food, that kind of thing. At that point I actually started to feel a bit annoyed and was on the cusp of saying something but thankfully the "gifts" stopped.

To play devil's advocate on my own AIBU, after the clean-up operation, we did get a pretty decent haul - I'd say a stuffed-full binliner of clothes, and a carrier-bag full of toys and books. We ended up keeping about 50%, donating about 5% to charity shops that we just didn't like (not C's fault of course), and throwing the remainder away.

So... the AIBU, because I can't figure out if I'm being a precious arsehole: When you hand stuff over to others (e.g. baby clothes, maternity clothes, toys, etc.) do you make sure they're clean and ready to use? WIBU to start getting annoyed with the last few bags of stuff?

TheReefer Mon 17-Apr-17 12:46:49

If I was being given something for free, I would be more than happy to clean it up

PeaFaceMcgee Mon 17-Apr-17 12:49:43

Yanbu, it's fucking disgusting and zero thought was given to you... She treated you like the municipal dump sad

TipBoov Mon 17-Apr-17 12:51:29

It's lazy, she obviously had a load of stuff to get rid of but couldn't be bothered to take them to the tip.

Nicketynac Mon 17-Apr-17 12:52:51

I can't imagine having a big bag of crappy, unwashed clothes in my house to give away. I would wash things before putting them in a bag for charity shop, never mind giving them to someone I know.
I would be tempted to re-wash things that had been up in loft or in garage before giving them to someone I knew. (would depend on how long they had been stored, how much there was, if I had a big pile of my own washing etc)

Kitsandkids Mon 17-Apr-17 12:53:07

I pass my boys' clothes down to my nephew. I wash them, iron them and just chuck away any I notice with holes or stains.

CrochetBelle Mon 17-Apr-17 12:54:13

I wouldn't pass on clothes that were dirty, but unless my child had literally just outgrown them, they wouldn't be freshly laundered either.

kate20091985 Mon 17-Apr-17 12:54:23

YANBU, she's obviously had a load of this stuff sat around for a while and can't be bothered to either take it to the charity shop or dump it. I'd have been really annoyed

LittleWingSoul Mon 17-Apr-17 12:54:39

Clean, sorted stuff can still get musty in storage so as the receiver I might expect to launder clothes. Plus I just like the smell of clothes freshly laundered with my own fabric conditioner!

What you received was unpleasant to have to sort through though. I wouldn't give a bag like that to a charity shop, let alone a friend!

Chloe84 Mon 17-Apr-17 12:54:40

No way would I give anyone muddy and paint/food splattered clothes, books with missing pages, out of date food etc. SIBU.

Do you think she was dumping it on you?

RitaMills Mon 17-Apr-17 12:56:00

You saved her a trip to the skip by the sounds of it. I'd be annoyed too with someone quite literally dumping their rubbish on my doorstep. YANBU.

Nocabbageinmyeye Mon 17-Apr-17 12:57:28

Nope that's gross and lazy, everything I pass on gets laundered first, not ironed mind as I iron for nobody but nice and fresh. I just couldn't let someone wash my dirty clothes even if they were getting them for free

baconandmushrooms Mon 17-Apr-17 12:57:52


I pass stuff on but nothing stained or holey apart from to a mate with twins who says she's happy to have the manky stuff for playing in the garden/forest school/cooking etc and even that's been through the washing machine before its given!

user1489179512 Mon 17-Apr-17 12:59:48

It sounds like she is using your doorstep as a dump. I would be disgusted by the state of the offerings, frankly.
Of course it is normal, decent behaviour to wash and fold clothing if you are passing it on. Where is her pride?

Cheby Mon 17-Apr-17 13:00:27

YANBU. That's pretty grim.

user1489179512 Mon 17-Apr-17 13:00:39

As for broken toys and torn up books and one wellington - that is ridiculous.

UppityHumpty Mon 17-Apr-17 13:01:27

My sil gifted a few things to my sis and didn't wash any of it either. Some of the tops had baby sick on it. I washed them as it was a gift through me, but I was really miffed. Then mil mentioned that apparently sil didn't want to give my sis anything but felt 'forced into it'. Apparently when she was complaining about throwing stuff away and I mentioned why not give it away, she thought I meant her sis. The idiot.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Mon 17-Apr-17 13:02:00

Is there a 'dump' sign in your front garden?

d270r0 Mon 17-Apr-17 13:02:55

By the sounds of things, you still did very well out of it and obtained a number of things you were happy with and will use, which will save you money. She was doing you a favour.

That said, its pretty disgusting to not even wash stuff before putting it into storage. Stuff thats broken or torn I can understand, but she should at least wash the clothes so they don't go mouldy.

You should still be grateful, you did well out of it.

divadee Mon 17-Apr-17 13:05:09

I would be ashamed and embarrassed to give that sort of stuff to someone. I have literally just given a massive bag of 0-3 month babygrows and vests to a friend for her granddaughter (whos a fee weeks younger than my daughter). They were all freshly washed.

I would always wash something again myself if given to me but that's because of allergies to washing powder and you don't know what others have used. But if they were as filthy as you said I would probably chuck most and keep a few bits but wash them a good few times.

Crapuccino Mon 17-Apr-17 13:11:40

Chloe84 No way would I give anyone muddy and paint/food splattered clothes, books with missing pages, out of date food etc. SIBU. Do you think she was dumping it on you?

I think the first drop off, and maybe even the second, were genuinely intended as her doing something nice for us (even if her view of doing something nice is different to mine) but then I wonder if it just got really convenient to shove anything she no longer wanted into bags and get rid of them.

photograph Mon 17-Apr-17 13:12:46

anything dirty I get goes straight in the bin.

I would be mortified to give something that hasn't been cleaned, or even has stained on it! So rude, it's not about doing you a favour, it's about the quickest way to clean somebody's cupboard of their rubbish. I would even feel bad if a button was missing.

Happyhippy45 Mon 17-Apr-17 13:18:42

I had a friend who used to hand me down the very worst of her hand me downs. She'd give the good stuff to family a give me the stuff with holes/stains/food on it. I don't know why. I didn't ask for them. We weren't hard up.

The were fit for the rag bag.

I don't know your friends situation but she could have pre warned you that the stuff would need sorted through at the very least.

For most people it common courtesy to wash/sort stuff they are giving away.

Crapuccino Mon 17-Apr-17 13:24:19

On a side-note, it's put me right off her. I might be reading too much into it, but the last few bags of stuff suggested to me that she had a really offensively low opinion of us. Luckily we might only chat three times in a month for a minute at the most each time. The last time, she asked if I'd received the last lot of things (the one that went entirely in the bin) and if we wanted anything else if she found it lying around. I garbled about us now having everything we could possibly need, so no thanks, and I got the sense that she was quite offended that I wasn't falling over myself with gratitude, which just annoyed me even more.

I might start hiding behind hedges when she approaches.

temporarynamech Mon 17-Apr-17 13:46:21

something similar happened to me recently, I was gobsmacked!

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