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To think that when parents hit their kids it's not with the kids best interests in mind?

(21 Posts)
Mammylamb Mon 17-Apr-17 10:15:16

I keep seeing facebook posts from older folk along the lines of "I got smacked as a kid and it did me no harm"

I honestly think when parents hit their kids it means that they have lost control in one way or another.

My mum smacked me a few times. Now, I love my mum and get on well with her. But when I think of each time she smacked me it was because she had got a fright (I ran in front of a car, or had locked myself in the bathroom). When I think of my dad smacking my brother; it was always because my brother had been cheeky and my dad lost his temper. A bit of an ego issue I think looking back.

I don't ever intend to hit my child but I suspect if I ever did it woukd be because I lost control rather than out of love for him ifswim?

Annoyedangelina Mon 17-Apr-17 10:18:51

I agree with you.
I think it's bullying behaviour tbh.

missyB1 Mon 17-Apr-17 10:20:48

Yep it's a loss of control from the parent. It was considered acceptable when I was a child but parenting has moved on (just like everything else), and no one should be smacking kids now or defending it.

haveacupoftea Mon 17-Apr-17 10:21:00

I don't agree with hitting children however I can see why parents might if the child behaves in a way that would be dangerous to them if they repeated it e.g. running in front of a car. I'd rather see a child get a smacked arse once than continually dashing into the road.

user1471558436 Mon 17-Apr-17 10:22:45

It's poor discipline. Loss of control and not constructive. It teaches kids that's it's ok to resolve issues with violence. So a child disciplined with smacking is more likely to physically hurt other children to get their own way. It's like a line is crossed. It's never ok to hit anyone.

TaliDiNozzo Mon 17-Apr-17 10:24:27

It's abuse, not discipline and is never acceptable.

Cakedoesntjudge Mon 17-Apr-17 10:26:23

I think it's absolutely bizarre behaviour! It wouldn't be acceptable to hit an adult because they did something wrong so I have no idea why people think it's acceptable to hit a child. I also think it just teaches children to physically lash out when they're cross.

BurnTheBlackSuit Mon 17-Apr-17 10:26:28

havingacupoftea I always said that too- smacking would be justified on a young child to teach them that something dangerous = pain. So if they were trying to touch the cooker or run into the road.

Then on a thread like this on MN someone pointed out that if a child was able to touch the cooker or run into the road then it would be the parents fault. If a child is too young to understand something they should be prevented from doing it.

Therefore there is no justification for smacking.

harderandharder2breathe Mon 17-Apr-17 10:27:42

It's a loss of control. While many parents do it after a panic or in temper that doesn't make it right. It's not about disciplining the child, it means nothing, they understand nothing from it.

53rdWay Mon 17-Apr-17 10:28:30

I think my parents believed they were doing it with our best interests in mind overall. They thought it was a good way to teach us to behave appropriately and safely. But in the moment, they almost always hit because they were angry/scared/frustrated, because they'd lost control.

I used to be one of those "never did me any harm!" types but looking back, I'm not so sure. I still have an awful temper and struggle to manage it when my own DC push my buttons (although I don't and would never smack.)

user1471558436 Mon 17-Apr-17 10:28:33

I wouldn't smack for running in front of a car. Id explain to mine about road safety and show some educational you tube clips. Prewarn the child before walking near roads. Hold hands if too impulsive.

user1471558436 Mon 17-Apr-17 10:29:22

It's more understandable in dangerous circumstances but not a real solution to the issue

RaspberryIce Mon 17-Apr-17 10:51:58

It's crap, lazy parenting

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer Mon 17-Apr-17 10:54:38

I agree

I have not smacked my boys

But i did smack my daughter a lot sad

Definitely a loss of control issue and i will always feel dreadful about it as i should

Havent smacked her in anger for many years now

fakenamefornow Mon 17-Apr-17 11:05:01

I agree. It's for the benefit for the parent not the child.

I have three, I've hit one of them once. She was kicking my gear stick when driving, wouldn't stop, and I wasn't in a place safe to stop. I slapped her leg away, she started crying and stopped. Oddly, despite the fact I don't agree with hitting children, I've never felt any guilt or remorse about this.

gamerchick Mon 17-Apr-17 11:18:43

I have three, I've hit one of them once. She was kicking my gear stick when driving, wouldn't stop, and I wasn't in a place safe to stop. I slapped her leg away, she started crying and stopped. Oddly, despite the fact I don't agree with hitting children, I've never felt any guilt or remorse about this

Now you know someone is going to come along and tell you you should have blocked her kicks with your arm, pulled over as soon as possible and gently explained to her the danger of doing that. Of course staying at the side of the road for as long as necessary. Don't you?

halobean Mon 17-Apr-17 11:19:43

I think smacking is abuse, but in the above gear stuck scenario, could see me doing similar in a panic actually.

halobean Mon 17-Apr-17 11:20:23

Stick not stuck fgs

Chamonix1 Mon 17-Apr-17 11:21:16

I don't think anyone who is calm and making a genuinely calculated decision hits their children unless they aren't very nice people.
I'm not going to lie, when I've lost my rag I've hit dd on the bottom but that was out of line and I felt so guilty and apologised and haven't done it since.
If I'm that cross now I remove myself and work out how I'm going to deal with a tantrum etc, the way I know I should.
I think people do it when the lose their temper, it's not right.

Whatsername17 Mon 17-Apr-17 11:27:10

I smacked my dd once. She was throwing a tantrum, grabbing and hitting at me. I smacked her out of frustration because I lost control. There is no excuse. I was the adult. I lost control and I was wrong. I've not done it since. I've felt like I could, but remove myself from the situation as soon as I feel it coming on and remind myself that I'm a grown up.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Mon 17-Apr-17 11:36:19

I saw a guy at a cafe hit his kid recently. It was a cafe designed with kids in mind, a sandpit in the middle etc. His kid was between 18 months and 2 I'd say. Toddling around, attempting to talk.

The dad sat there having a beer with his friend. The kid took a toy or something (all belonging to the cafe) and the other kid was upset. They're kids. So the dad very calmly walked over, pulled his kid's pants down and slapped him. Quite hard. I was shocked. Just so calm and casual. He went back to his seat and carried on with his lunch. Occasionally he yelled at his kid for "bothering" people. I told him it wasn't his kid that bothered me but I don't think he got it.

It was obvious the dad had decided in advance that's how he was going to raise his kids. No loss of control, just one massive arsehole. I don't know how an 18 month old is supposed to learn not to take toys from that lesson, but I do know which kid in the sandpit was the aggressive one hurting other kids - the older brother. He just knew to do it when dad wasn't looking.

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