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To think you can't ask for a gift back?

(130 Posts)
chipsnmayo Mon 17-Apr-17 09:12:31

So many years ago I had a fairly close friend, we were colleagues and then became quite close due to similar interests and circumstances (we were both single parent's and lived away from family). My friend was quite talented artistically, and when my DD was a little she made my DD a beautiful dolls cot as a gift for her (I think) 3rd birthday.

12 years ago I then relocated 200 miles from where we both lived, and as time went on we slowly lost touch and I haven't talked to her / seen her in about a decade.

Anyhoo we have been friends on Facebook for a few months now. She sent me a message last night asking for the dolls cot back and could it be delivered to her address. (I don't even know where she lived anymore)

DD is nearly 19 so obviously doesn't use the dolls cot anymore, however she loved it and I think she would be quite sad to see it go.

But also it's the principle, surely you cannot turn around after umpteen years and ask for a gift back? As far as I remember, there was nothing said about her wanting it back and when I left she could have easily asked for it back.

Aibu to just ignore the message? Or would you do the right thing and give it back?

PovertyPain Mon 17-Apr-17 09:16:18

What a weird thing to do. Is she now quite well known and realises she can make money from the cot? Did she say why she wanted it's? I would tell her that it's not yours to give back as it was a gift to your daughter and I wouldn't dream of asking her to return a gift.

chanie44 Mon 17-Apr-17 09:16:59

That's weird.

Maybe you should say that DD wants to keep it as it holds so many wonderful memories.

dementedpixie Mon 17-Apr-17 09:17:41

You could say you don't have it any more. I don't see why your dd should have to give up one of her gifts even if it was a long time ago

EduCated Mon 17-Apr-17 09:17:46

I'd be tempted to just ignore it.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Mon 17-Apr-17 09:18:11

She is wrong to ask for it but I'd ask your dd, she might not care.

Alwayshungryforcrisps Mon 17-Apr-17 09:18:29

Just say you gave it away years ago

jay55 Mon 17-Apr-17 09:19:58

I don't think it's the right thing to give it back. It isn't yours to give back.

museumum Mon 17-Apr-17 09:20:00

That's weird.
But I'd tell her your dd is very emotionally attached to it as she's had it all her life.
I don't know any maker/artist would insist on it back on those circs. Maybe she thinks it's just gathering dust in your attic.

Ameliablue Mon 17-Apr-17 09:20:24

Say sorry but no. Your DD has lots of treasured memories of it and is planning to keep it for her future children. If she is persistent, unfriend her.

Moanyoldcow Mon 17-Apr-17 09:20:48

YANBU - you don't ask for gifts back.

I'd probably reply and say that as it was a gift for your daughter you are in no position to return it and are confused she asked you for it.

pasturesgreen Mon 17-Apr-17 09:23:09

Ugh! So cringey to even ask.

Did she give any indication as to why she wants it back? confused

I'd be inclined to either ignore the message or go down the white lie route and tell her it's in the attic/loft/wherever and after so many years you'd have to turn the house upside down to look for it.

Stormwhale Mon 17-Apr-17 09:23:51

What a weirdo. I would reply saying, "hi, as you gave it to my dd as a gift, she became attached to it as there was never a thought she would have to give it back. She has many lovely memories of playing with it and will be passing it on to her children when the time comes. Hope you are well."

wineandcheeseplease Mon 17-Apr-17 09:24:25

Id ignore it

angeldiver Mon 17-Apr-17 09:24:42

Tell her you gave it to charity.
Cheeky mare!

Bumblebeeinflight Mon 17-Apr-17 09:25:14

So weird, say that you couldn't possibly ask DD to give her gift back. Then unfriendly her.

Bluntness100 Mon 17-Apr-17 09:26:25

This is very strange I agree, you don't ask for presents back, I wonder what made her do it. And just say no. Say as it was a gift you in turn gifted it to another little girl and leave it there.

NavyandWhite Mon 17-Apr-17 09:27:51

You could ignore the request, lie and say you no longer have it or tell her that DD wants to keep it.

I wouldn't give it back.

elodie2000 Mon 17-Apr-17 09:27:56

Send her a message back telling her that your DD still has the cot and has always liked it and looked after it. Say that you can't return it as it belongs to DD.

Scholes34 Mon 17-Apr-17 09:29:16

Don't lie. The answer is either no, DD is attached to it, or if you do still have it and DD doesn't want it, yes, but your "friend" will need to pay for the postage.

SleepFreeZone Mon 17-Apr-17 09:30:36

I would just say that it's a treasured possession still of your daughters and you are not in the position to take it back from her and regift it. Then you are reaffirming the fact that it was actually a gift and making the gifter aware the item is still very much wanted and loved. You'd have to be a real twat to then demand the item back.

Chloe84 Mon 17-Apr-17 09:32:32

You seem to have your mind up already - 'do the right thing and give it back'. I don't think it necessarily is the right thing. Anyway, it's your DD's decision, not yours.

eddielizzard Mon 17-Apr-17 09:34:05

i'd ask your dd's opinion. if she is emotionally attached i'd msg back and tell her. and ask her why she wants the gift back?

WomblingThree Mon 17-Apr-17 09:34:32

Why not just ask her why she wants it, then decide

LostMyDotBrain Mon 17-Apr-17 09:34:43

All these reasonable people! I'd send the cry/laugh emoji and ask if she was joking. grin

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