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To feel murderous rage at DH's faffing

(137 Posts)
Oysterbabe Sun 16-Apr-17 21:07:33

Anyone have a faffer in their life that leaves them fighting the urge to kill?

In laws visiting and I cooked a meal. Was just serving up and asked DH to lay the table and sort out drinks. A few minutes later I pop my head round the door and he has one of the chairs upside down on the table and is tightening it with an allen key. Apparently it seemed a bit wobbly so he thought he'd tighten them all. They are no more wobbly now than they were a year ago.

The other day he suggested we go to the allotment straight away as DD would probably nap and we could get some stuff done. Half an hour later DD is asleep on my lap and DH is reorganizing the medicine cabinet.

He can't just do anything ever. Is it too much to ask that we just leave the house sometimes?

booloobalooloo Sun 16-Apr-17 21:11:04

Hear hear! My hubby does the same. I tend to just get on with things and go. Give him a time you are walking out the door and do it.

outmyhair Sun 16-Apr-17 21:15:40

My DM and DB are both monumental faffers. But of course they're not the ones with a problem and I'm just 'impatient' angry

Goldenhedgehogs Sun 16-Apr-17 21:29:56

I share how annoying it is, i had a bit of a moment this morning as a Christian married to a non Christian husband he agreed to go to church with me and the kids today as today is such an important service for Christians. I am overjoyed he is sharing this with me, thinking maybe going might be first steps to him joining my faith. However church starts at eleven and at five past he is still in the shower. In my head we were going to have this perfect lovely family Christian Easter and reality was 100 times removed. So I have no solutions, I did try praying for peace and calm but can't say it worked for me today 😀

Bluntness100 Sun 16-Apr-17 21:36:14

My husband has an annoying variation of this, i don't know if it's faffing or procrastination, he says "right I'm going to do X" then sits down , puts the golf on and doesn't move. When j say "I thought you were going to do x" he responds " I am" then he does nothing. I have no concept of the mentality of this, if I intend to sofa surf, I say "I'm going to sofa surf and mumsnet and do fuck all" . If I say I'm going to do something I do it. I have genuinely no understanding of why you would say you're going to do something when you have absolutely no plan to do so.

Kalizahara Sun 16-Apr-17 21:41:12

He sounds quite useful oysterbabe my dh has a worse version of faffing.

He moans that he wants to go out and nags me to be ready, then when I'm at the door with shoes and coat on ready to go, he starts looking for his lost keys, wallet, phone, half an hour later we go out.

BlackeyedSusan Sun 16-Apr-17 21:45:47

ex is still alive, despite his bloody faffing.

dd worked him out when she was 7ish. used to add a significant chunk of time to his eta.

JaneEyre70 Sun 16-Apr-17 21:46:24

DH was actually a lot more helpful today than usual - the allen key story is soooo him!! - but he did get a bit of a moan from me when he decided to tidy up the hall coat rack and bags underneath it where I store all the carriers.....we had a houseful for lunch and he still hadn't hoovered the lounge 15 minutes before everyone arrived. We got up at 9, what he did between then and 12.30 still eludes me.......
"But it's so untidy" he said - I had to say our guests weren't going to look in there and the fact there was dog hair all over the lounge floor and we had young children coming bothered me far more.
Deep breath. Count to 100. And Calm.................

mumonashoestring Sun 16-Apr-17 21:55:56

DH used to do this (last time we moved house I was frantically packing boxes as fast/efficiently as possible, he was arranging our CDs alphabetically, then by release date, then packing them in alphabetical sections so they'd be 'sorted' when they were unpacked...). After a number of threats he's improved with the every day stuff but has moved on to meta-faffing. For weeks he's been insisting I take DS to my parents house for a long weekend so DH can do a spring clean without us under his feet. Lots of 'don't worry about (task), I'll handle it in the spring clean'. A couple of days before we were due to go he suddenly revealed that because 'we' hadn't hired a carpet cleaner (note how this suddenly became a we job) there wasn't any point him staying behind so he'd just come with us. So now I've used up leave from work, tired myself out running round after both of them and still have a house that needs a top to bottom strip & clean.

BigGrannyPants Sun 16-Apr-17 22:01:15

I have a faffer, I get totally enraged.... he takes 3 million hours to do anything... I have a 6 year old who puts on his shoes faster and my DS is by no means quick!

Ellieboolou27 Sun 16-Apr-17 22:37:43

I can feed, dress and wash dc and myself, walk dog, put a wash on, wash up breakfast dishes and still be ready to leave the house before dh, he is so bad that dd who's just 4 calls him daddy go slow blush not that she's picked it up from me I seriously could kill him at times as it's not just getting ready to leave it's EVERYTHING. angry
Even my family and friends comment grin

user1471432735 Sat 23-Dec-17 06:30:00

Adding to this thread because of DH's actions yesterday

We had car picking us up for airport at 1030

Both of us up at 7, he showers immediately, but after that I'm not sure what he was doing. I get spare room and stuff set up for pet sitter, take garbage out, pack bags, shower and make sure all is tidy. At 1010 I'm upstairs just checking that the guest room window is shut and I hear a loud noise.

DH is using a leaf blower in the backyard. His car is still not put away and he hadn't packed or dressed in anything appropriate to leave the house in and with 20 Minutes before we had to leave he thought he'd clean up the garden path (it was fine, the gardener comes every week and anyway, apart from the dogs nobody will be using it til mid January)

He didn't understand why I bellowed at him to get a Fucking move on and stop faffing around. Very pouty on way to airport complaining that he was just trying to help


BigSandyBalls2015 Sat 23-Dec-17 09:15:58

Reminds me of a friend on our WhatsApp group. She was at the airport and her DH put a message on the group:

"Just having a little browse in duty free, anyone want anything?"

His wife quickly responded: "we are at the f****ing gate and the last people are boarding .... get your arse down here NOW" 😂😂

MooPointCowsOpinion Sat 23-Dec-17 09:21:20

I have one of these! He’s infuriating under any kind of pressure, just hovers and stands in doorways I need to move through so he dramatically scuttles to another doorway (the next one I need to go through) and will go arrange toothbrushes in size order or something. hmm

Puppymonkeybaby1 Sat 23-Dec-17 09:24:34

I've got DS in the buggy, the dog on the lead, all ready to leave the house. DH decides he:

Needs a wee
Needs his gloves
Needs to take some painkillers
Needs to brush his teeth

Etc. Etc. Etc.


fishchipspeasandgravy Sat 23-Dec-17 09:31:24

DH isn't yet faffing. That will happen later. Right now he is in bed after going out last night. Didn't drink much, but they went for a curry at a local place - last time DH went there he spent the night throwing up. Guess what, same again. We have three curry houses local to us, so why they had to go to the utterly shit one I don't know. I'm going to set the kids on him in a few minutes.

JeremiahBackflip Sat 23-Dec-17 09:32:45

DH is a gaffer AND a procrastinator. I have, however, managed to stop him from satin the phrase that drove me bonkers every time he used it in response to "can you do/help me with/sort This"

"I'll do it now in a minute"

What. The. Fuck. Does. That. Mean.

Either now or in a two hour period minute. Can't be both.

Now he "just" faffs. Literally no idea what he does between showering and coming downstairs dressed an hour later but it is never his teeth or hair as that is always last.

When he is meant to put the bins out I can find him cleaning the food bin for 25 minutes while the open stinking food bag lollops around on the work top.

Or cleaning the kitchen cupboard out when he is meant to be cooking tea for the children.

Or spending two hours wiping down the inside of the car with baby wipes before every journey of more than 2hr duration. When he is meant to be packing his own clothes or packing bags in the car.

I could go on...

MustBeThursday Sat 23-Dec-17 09:33:10

DH is both a faffer and also very impatient if he is ready to go - he's previously faffed around so much I've needed to feed the baby again before leaving, but equally if I'm not ready to go the second he decides it's time to leave he huffs and grumbles. I have pointed out that a) I'm not psychic and b) we have 2 young DCs so I need to know when he wants to leave if he wants us to be ready.

Ragusa Sat 23-Dec-17 09:36:01

I have found my people. Why why why do they do this?? Is it a PA way of not being micromanaged? I am certain that they don't do it at work.

tinofbeans Sat 23-Dec-17 09:39:15

Wow! This is thread is describing my DH to a tee! And I thought he was the only one! One particular incident sticks in my mind... Dd was about 3 months old, the HV was round (weekly visits due to PND) and DH spent 45 minutes scrubbing the bin, because I'd put a nappy in it, not in the prescribed nappy bin. All the time huffing and puffing. HV leant across and whispered "Is he always like this?"

PerpetualStudent Sat 23-Dec-17 09:41:51

Oh yes - was screaming internally yesterday when we were supposed to be giving the flat a general clean and tidy before we go away for xmas and DP decides to deep clean the back door before vaccing and mopping the floors!?
It's like he's above everyday cleaning, and will only do 'special' cleaning

CheapSausagesAndSpam Sat 23-Dec-17 09:49:41

My DH is like this and so is his Mother.

I can't COPE with it. It takes him bastard hours to leave the house!


LemonRedwood Sat 23-Dec-17 09:52:41

My DH is a now-in-a-minute-er. It's a Welsh thing apparently confused

KatsutheClockworkOctopus Sat 23-Dec-17 09:53:03

Dh is the same . On our way out the other day it suddenly became very important he found all our old water bills and read the meter (for reasons which are still unclear.

His dad is the same so it must be learned behaviour. Irony is they are both convinced their pointless contributions are completely vital.

dogsdinnerlady Sat 23-Dec-17 09:54:01

I'm A Woman
Peggy Lee
I can wash out forty four pairs of socks and have 'em hangin' out on the line
I can starch and iron two dozens shirts 'fore you can count from one to nine
I can scoop up a great big dipper full of lard from the drippin's can
Throw it in the skillet, go out and do my shopping, be back before it melts in the pan
'Cause I'm a woman! W-O-M-A-N, I'll say it again
I can rub and scrub til this old house is shinin' like a dime
Feed the baby, grease the car, and powder my face at the same time
Get all dressed up, go out and swing 'til four A.M. and then
Lay down at five, jump up at six, and start all over again
'Cause I'm a woman! W-O-M-A-N, I'll say it again
If you come to me sickly you know I'm gonna make you well
If you… etc etc

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