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Who's being unreasonable?

(90 Posts)
user57289 Sun 16-Apr-17 19:40:55

A friend (Laura) was invited to a mutual friends (Sarah's) hen do. The hen do was in London (about a 2hr drive from where we all live). It happened to be Laura's 3 year anniversary of when she met her partner. Not an actual anniversary, as in from when the started dating - just from when the met, they didn't start dating for about another year.
The hen do was booked and Laura said she would go, it was a spa day, then a meal followed by a cocktail event and then into town for some more drinks. They started booking hotels and deciding who was sharing rooms etc when Laura decided that because it was her anniversary she was going to bring her partner. Originally Laura, her partner and one of the hens would share a room, needless to say no one wanted to share with Laura and her partner. Can you blame them? Laura eventually got a room on her own with her partner, which meant one of the hens was on her own (it was a group of 20 - so should have been 2 to a room.
) Sarah is understandably fuming that Laura's partner came. Laura doesn't see an issue in it. Laura and her partner planned to go out for a meal the following day and have a day in London. In her mind she's paying for a room so she may as well 'enjoy her time away' hmm
What makes it worse is after the cocktails Laura claims she felt ill and said to the girls she would grab a bite to eat and meet them later. Instead of catching up with everyone she went back to the hotel. She said she messaged sarah to say she wasn't coming back out. Sarah says she didnt get the message.
Laura is meant to be bridesmaid but sarah doesn't really want her too anymore, as she feels Laura was more concerned with spending time with the partner than celebrating the hen do. The whole weekend was planned to include as many family as humanly possible, so the under 18's and those that didn't want to go out for drinks joined in with the spa day and evening meal, and then the rest went drinking. So I think it was about 30 all together and 20 that stayed the night. Laura is meant to be Sarah's maid of honour. They have known each other for years.
I'm in the middle, I'm friends with both girls (couldn't make the hen do).
Basically who is being unreasonable?, Laura for inviting her bf and then ignoring the majority of the group (she didn't travel down with them, and didn't join them on either morning, despite saying she would. They had planned for a spa day on the Saturday morning and then everything else in the evening. They then met back up on the Sunday and travelled back together (apart from Laura), or is sarah unreasonable for expecting Laura to join in with things.
This all happened a few weeks ago, and the atmosphere between the 2 is glacial. Sarah has gone dress shopping with another friends and is no longer making any effort with Laura. Laura is saying that she did nothing wrong.

Apologies this is incredibly long confused

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Sun 16-Apr-17 19:44:25

It was a hen week end not an anniversary week end. .
Very rude to invite bf imo.
Would have been very upset.

NotTheDuchessOfCambridge Sun 16-Apr-17 19:44:29

Wow! I cannot believe she brought her partner! Who does that?

scurryfunge Sun 16-Apr-17 19:46:14

Sorry but everyone sounds incredibly needy and precious. Why can't adults just get along and talk to each other about expectations?

lanbro Sun 16-Apr-17 19:46:35

Laura is most definitely BVU

MusicToMyEars800 Sun 16-Apr-17 19:46:54

I would say Laura is BU, she could've done something with her bf after the weekend also if she's maid of honour surely she would want to spend that time with the bride to be? has Sarah explained to Laura why she is so annoyed with her? maybe if she did Laura might understand it from her point of view.

FanaticalFox Sun 16-Apr-17 19:47:19

Disgusting behaviour. The bride is definitely correct to cut her out now and enjoy her time with bridesmaids that actually want that honour. I hate these days how blasé people are about weddings, its an honour to be closely involved not a chore and it needs to come first if you say yes and commit to a role.

Wolfiefan Sun 16-Apr-17 19:47:30

If she wanted to spend the non anniversary with her partner then she shouldn't have gone on the hen weekend. Taking him? That's just bloody weird. If she couldn't "enjoy her time away" without taking him then she should've stayed at home.

sonyaya Sun 16-Apr-17 19:47:46

Laura is totally in the wrong.

PastysPrincess Sun 16-Apr-17 19:48:11

Laura is way out of line.

PaperdollCartoon Sun 16-Apr-17 19:49:01

Shocked anyone would bring a boyfriend to a hen weekend and think it was even vaguely ok. Of course Laura is being massively unreasonable, if I was Sarah I'd be unbridesmaiding her too. I'm surprised it got as far as her coming with bf tbh - I'd have told her where to go before then.

Littlecaf Sun 16-Apr-17 19:49:12

Laura us bring unreasonable. It's a hen do. You don't bring partners.

Mo55chop5 Sun 16-Apr-17 19:49:56

Invited her bf on a pre arranged hen do? I would be telling Laura to fuck off tbh

IhatchedaSnorlax Sun 16-Apr-17 19:50:01

Laura was definitely being very unreasonable - I'm not surprised that Sarah is upset with her. Who brings their partner to a hen do?? Especially if you're a bridesmaid?? Bizarre & totally out of order.

user1471558436 Sun 16-Apr-17 19:50:02

It was meant to be a girls weekend. She should have chosen to do something with her DH or her Laura. Not both together. Alternatively he could have joined her after the hen do was over or been more upfront and honest about her intentions.

user1471558436 Sun 16-Apr-17 19:51:38

It was meant to be a girls weekend, not a romantic couples weekend.

PatSajack Sun 16-Apr-17 19:52:20

AGRee that Laura was BU to bring her partner, but if the hen weekend was a very big expense compared to Laura's means, I understand why she wanted to. But she should have just declined the weekend or, since she is MOH, taken charge to plan something cheaper. At the same time, I think you will all realize that NONE of this wedding shit really matters (and I say that as someone who did all of it). It's not worth losing a good friendship over.

Liara Sun 16-Apr-17 19:52:30

I think Sarah's wrong, provided Laura actually attended the spa day and the drinks minus her partner.

She's spending money on the hotel so she can share with whoever she wants, and if she doesn't want to hang out till all hours with the hen party then I don't see that she should be forced to.

But then I hate the 'It's all about meeeeeeeee' of weddings/hen dos these days.

PurpleMinionMummy Sun 16-Apr-17 19:53:32

Is it not obvious confused

sonyaya Sun 16-Apr-17 19:55:29

At the same time, I think you will all realize that NONE of this wedding shit really matters

I sort of think it does matter if someone you considered close enough to ask to be your bridesmaid basically can't be arsed to spend a weekend away for your hen. Not because of the hen per se but because it says a lot about their attitude towards you.

liara no one has said she should be forced to buy if you're a bridesmaid you ought to want to make the effort for your friend for one night. If it was a week long extravaganza maybe but she couldn't stay away from her bofriend for one night to be there for one of her closest friends?

ImperialBlether Sun 16-Apr-17 19:56:23

Laura is ridiculously unreasonable and what kind of boyfriend does she have that gatecrashes a hen do?

HarryPottersMagicWand Sun 16-Apr-17 19:57:50

Laura is VU! No one invites a boyfriend on a hen do (unless he is actually invited by the bride). I can't believe she is so idiotic to think she is in the right and has done nothing wrong.

Bit like my 'friends', including my MoH and BM on my hen do. They met up early as I was waiting for someone to finish work and drive them to the town, they had all gone out and eaten, leaving me and the others from my car to grab some crap from the Spar shop for tea, the plan had been to all have a meal first. Then 2 went back to the hotel early and I wasn't feeling well just after midnight and my MoH and other friends all left me to go back to the hotel alone through unfamiliar streets because they didn't want to go back. A random woman from the bus stop ended up walking me back because she said I shouldn't be by myself. They didn't understand why I was pissed off with them. I felt like I had intruded on their night out rather than it being my hen. Oh and I didn't get to finish a single drink before they had downed theirs and declared we were moving on to somewhere else.

Our friendship didn't last much longer.

SquinkiesRule Sun 16-Apr-17 19:59:02

Laura WBU making it about her and her none anniversary.
i wouldn't blame the bride dropping her as her bridesmaid if this is how she behaves.

BitchPeas Sun 16-Apr-17 19:59:55

What kind of oblivious twat brings a boyfriend to a do?

And what kind of boyfriend would have even come along??

Pair of fuckwits.

HarryPottersMagicWand Sun 16-Apr-17 20:00:02

"But then I hate the 'It's all about meeeeeeeee' of weddings/hen dos these days."

Couldnt disagree with this more. Bridezillas excepted. Hen nights and weddings are about 'me' fgs! They are not about friends and what they want to do.

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