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To think that parents who are divorced should allow you to have a relationship with them separately.

(10 Posts)
scaryclown Sun 16-Apr-17 18:10:18

Just that really - my parents are divorced - have been probably for longer than they were married, and I keep trying to treat them separately, so that its good for my own head, but if I talk to one, they tell the other, and vice versa, so I feel controlled and known-about like I was when I was 14, but by a pseudo set of parents who aren't actually together..

I find it weird, and unsettling, but AIBU?

highinthesky Sun 16-Apr-17 18:12:34

If they are communicating with each other, why aren't you communicating with them togeher?

ChasedByBees Sun 16-Apr-17 18:13:22

I don't know if YABU. I thought this was going to be two parents who don't want you to have a relationship with the other so this is a little more refreshing (if unsettling for you).

I think it sounds like they are still co parenting responsibly and taking that seriously which is nice even though you are (I imagine) old enough to not need active parenting.

Have you ever told one not to tell the other?

Sweets101 Sun 16-Apr-17 18:14:39

I suppose although they have divorced each other they have continued to co-parent?

bigchris Sun 16-Apr-17 18:15:37

I think it's lovely they are still in contact and surely it's nice that they want to talk about you

Or is their more to it ?

dailymailarecunts Sun 16-Apr-17 18:16:07

It's different as my ds is only 5, but I can't imagine not talking to his dad even when ds is a grown up.

We aren't together, but we decided we will always be family because we have a child in common. Don't get me wrong, it's not easy, but surely it's better that way than being at loggerheads or never talking?!

Honeyandfizz Sun 16-Apr-17 18:18:29

I the same as dailymail I have 2 dc aged 12 & 13 and separated from their Dad last summer. We are still a family albeit in a different form, we still communicate most days about things. He will always be the father of my dc and we intend on always remaining in contact (providing he doesn't turn into a twat). Is there more to your story?

harderandharder2breathe Sun 16-Apr-17 18:43:19

I'd find it weird too but then my divorced parents barely spoke after my dad moved out, only a handful of times about my sisters disasterous mental health. At one point my father refused to go on fb because my mother was on there hmm I may have told him to grow up... and they will both like and comment on the same post now (my mum never had a problem with it).

My ex's long since divorced parents were still friends and even went on holiday altogether with their adult children and grandchildren though!

goodnessidontknow Sun 16-Apr-17 18:54:20

I struggle with this too. What makes it harder is that for most of my childhood they only communicated when they had to then they decided when I was in my late 20s that they really should be friends and co parent! Now after 25 years of dealing with them as separate entities I started finding that they were talking about me and meeting for friendly coffee dates. I now feel I have to guard my conversation as I am used to articulating things differently to each of them. I sympathise OP it's tricky.

cardibach Sun 16-Apr-17 19:49:22

I'm a divorced parent. My DD is 21 and I have been divorced for exDH since she was a baby. We have always co-parented and, while rules in one house might not be the same in the other, share similar values and expectations. We still talk - about DD and about other mutually interesting stuff - so I can see where your DPs are coming from. We have different relationships with DD, so she does speak different.y to us and probably talks about different things. I don't think I tell her dad everything she says (and vice verse, I assume) but I wouldn't like to think I couldn't do so.
I think YABU, OP.

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