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To have my Dad I wasn't happy with what he said to DD (15)

(29 Posts)
Newname44 Sun 16-Apr-17 17:59:25

I'm feeling like I need another perspective on this- it's petty I know but really festering for some reason:

The background: My parents come to stay a every couple of months. On the latest visit last week they arrived shortly after DD (15) had been in a minor car accident when her friend, who is lovely and sensible, was driving. The incident will probably end up being 50/50 blame. DD was shaken up and said she had a bit of a stiff neck for 2 days after the accident. She was then absolutely fine.

The issue- when my parents were staying, my Dad tried, more than once, to encourage DD to claim compensation for the accident. I know that there are legitimate circumstances where people have been properly injured where a claim is understandable, but my general feeling is that ambulance-chasers and those seeking compensation for non-existent or incredibly minor injuries (especially from an incident where a good friend was doing a favour) are pretty reprehensible.
The second time he brought it up I overheard my DD say to my Dad "I don't think Mum would like that" and he replied "it isn't up to your Mum". I later told my Dad that she was fine (which she then was), her friend was kind and sensible and that our values were such that we wouldn't want get money by those means.
Now: unfortunately my parents have never been ones to actually talk about anything, they have always give me the silent treatment when they are annoyed. This is what I am now experiencing- I called to wish them a happy Easter- my Dad answered and quickly made an excuse to call back later when and my Mum spoke with the children and then hung up. On past form I assume it is because I had the audacity to actually say I didn't feel putting in an injury claim for nothing was okay.

Am I missing something? I think it was particularly the "it isn't up to your Mum" comment which REALLY pissed me off and made me say something to Dad. AIBU?

haveacupoftea Sun 16-Apr-17 18:00:56

YANBU. They're being dicks.

BoneyBackJefferson Sun 16-Apr-17 18:01:58

There are many injuries which do not immediately appear after accidents.

Soft tissue injuries can be particularly bothersome.

krustykittens Sun 16-Apr-17 18:04:09

Err, can a 15 year old sue someone? Because if she can't and she needs an adult to bring a case for her, then it is up to you. Happy to be corrected if I am wrong though! And I agree with your stance, OP, I hate the compo culture, people suing over every thing and we all pay for it in the end when premiums go up!

longlostpal Sun 16-Apr-17 18:04:27

Well, he is correct that it isn't up to you. If she has a persistent injury then it's appropriate to claim compensation if she wants. If she does not have any persistent injury then she can't claim compensation (and obviously lying about the injury would be very wrong).

krustykittens Sun 16-Apr-17 18:06:41

I think insurance companies take a very dim view over whip lash claims now as well, don't they? Not so easy to get money for such an injury now.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Sun 16-Apr-17 18:11:27

Your df had no right to try and undermine your parenting to dd. .
Its wasn't his business to try and change her mind when you had already sorted the matter with her.

Newname44 Sun 16-Apr-17 18:21:47

Thanks everyone.
Justmade I think that is what is really bothering me- that he undermined me in front of DD encouraging her to basically be dishonest. I think it's made me think less of my Dad too which I'm upset about.
Krusty I think DD would have to have reported it to her friend's insurance company and ot goes from there (according to my Dad..)
Boneyback- DD has not had any symptoms at all since 2 days after the accident (now 2 weeks ago)- I hope she is in the clear now?

Cel982 Sun 16-Apr-17 18:24:17

It's absolutely none of your Dad's business. Pushing someone to make a compensation claim in the absence of an actual injury is pretty reprehensible.

StillDrivingMeBonkers Sun 16-Apr-17 18:26:11

Err, can a 15 year old sue someone?


Newname44 Sun 16-Apr-17 18:27:38

And I think it's that we have never been allowed to talk. Too late now I suppose. This will be SO identifying if they are reading this- I know I'm ancient (40's) so it was a long time ago, but, after no discussions about sex ed from home (or school for that matter) I went on the pill at 20. My Mum found a pack under my bed- she never ever mentioned it but left a note on my pillow with the pack on top of it- " I hope you enjoy yourself" (it was not meant in a good way!!). I felt awful for a long time after that.

Newname44 Sun 16-Apr-17 18:32:12

It's strange how minor things can bring up old issues. Must be hormones or something.

I'm haven't decided whether to call and try to discuss it next week or just leave it a few weeks and it will blow over (as things have in the past). I so wish I could talk with them properly.

I hope my children will always know they can talk about anything.

mando12345 Sun 16-Apr-17 18:35:29

I have chronic awful neck pain from a car accident I didn't bother to claim for at the time as it was much like your daughters. I just took ibuprofen for a few days and carried on.
Physio does make it feel better temporarily I would love to be able to afford Physio twice a week, it would make a big difference to my life.

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 16-Apr-17 18:38:09

They sound really mature op hmm. My parents were the same, well mum still is.

PyongyangKipperbang Sun 16-Apr-17 18:39:53

Its people doing this, claiming for non existant injuries, that have caused the change about whiplash claims. This makes it much harder for people who have genuine whiplash through no fault of their own, to get compensation for it. I got private physio treatment for mine after an accident and it really helped, I saw someone straight away instead of waiting the 8-10 weeks that is the current waiting time in our area. It isnt just about money, but the ambulance chasers and fraudsters have fucked it up for the majority.

So YANBU to a) not claim and b) tell your dad to mind his own bloody business. Let them sulk. Dont bother ringing them or anything. They can only ignore you if you are actually around to be ignored, iykwim. They will hate the fact that you are not on the phone begging forgiveness!

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sun 16-Apr-17 18:42:06

I wouldn't encourage anyone to claim for a trivial injury that resolved quickly. I don't think she's old enough to claim in her own right so would need you/dad to act as a litigation friend.

On the upside it's got you out of having to talk to your horrible parents for a bit.

longlostpal Sun 16-Apr-17 18:51:34

There's no need for her to rush to make a decision. I believe that time does not start running for limitation purposes till the claimant turns 16 (or poss 18) in any case. So she will have 6 years from her 16th (18th?) birthday to claim. If she is in pain in a year's time, I do think it's appropriate to claim for the cost of physio. Why should she be out of pocket, it's why people have car insurance? But it's her right of action (if there is indeed an injury), and not for your dad or you to decide whether she does in fact act.

Katie0705 Sun 16-Apr-17 18:56:56

A young person under the age of 18 years of age cannot bring legal action, it would have to be instigated by the parent / guardian.

43percentburnt Sun 16-Apr-17 18:58:30

The ambulance chasing injury lawyers will require you to put in the claim (or father if he has PR). However on turning 18 she can then sue for injury caused by this accident.

My dd was told by personal injury lawyers to say she was in pain for a couple of months and she would get a couple of grand. If it went to court she would have had to lie in court. She would also have the neck pain on her medical records. Downside being if she takes income protection to cover her mortgage/income back/neck pain will be excluded and if she subsequently has a real back or neck injury she cannot claim. Income protection could end up paying for years - I can't see a 2k fraudulent claim being worth it.

Katie0705 Sun 16-Apr-17 18:58:53

Here is a useful source

Mrsmadevans Sun 16-Apr-17 18:59:39

I had a car accident last June , totally not my fault in any way shape or form. I am extremely against ambulance chasing etc but I had nothing for 2 days and then the mother of all headaches and pain down the one side of my neck and radiating to my shoulder. I wasn't going to claim but the other driver tried to blame me, even when the pc attending told her it was her fault!!! I thought to hell with you and I claimed. I had 12 sessions of physio and it really helped me. I had to be examined by a Dr for the insurance claim but I was genuine and I didn't worry about it . When I went into the Dr I started to cry I realised then how upset I was about it all, the worst thing was being blamed by the other driver when it wasn't my fault . I had 3000 for it and the physio sessions were paid for also. My point is this , you don't realise the damage that whiplash causes , it can really hurt and for a long time if it isnt recognised and treated. I was lucky my fury at the injustice of it all spurred me on and the Ins co were brilliant once I said I was injured. I don't think your dad was being unreasonable , he was looking out for your dd , I do so hope your dd is ok my dear

Katie0705 Sun 16-Apr-17 19:00:56

Downside being if she takes income protection to cover her mortgage/income back/neck pain will be excluded and if she subsequently has a real back or neck injury she cannot claim

Medical insurance would also exclude this too.

Elledouble Sun 16-Apr-17 19:01:01

YANBU. This kind of thing does my head in. What's the bloody point of trying to bring our kids up to be decent, honest people if they're then going to be encouraged to make fraudulent compensation claims? And compensation for what? Loss of earnings? Medical treatment? Damage to someone else's car?

Why have people got it into their heads that they're automatically entitled to a wodge of free money when something bad happens? It just sends up the premiums for everyone. Gah.

TheMysteriousJackelope Sun 16-Apr-17 19:09:14

YANBU (because you posted that your DD has not suffered any ill effects since a couple of days after the accident). If your parents aren't talking to you, contact them as normal and if they don't answer the phone, hang up quickly etc. just ignore it. They can either get over it or die mad. There's no need for you to run around apologizing when another adult is trying to undermine your parenting and your family's ethics.

It might be worth talking to a doctor about your DD's injuries just to be aware what to look out for, and what activities to avoid for a while in case she has slight damage that could be exacerbated by certain exercises.

Bluetrews25 Sun 16-Apr-17 19:10:24

If it was 2 weeks ago and she is fine, chances are she will continue to be fine.
Don't bother to call your parents. They were in the wrong and should be apologising to you.
Gobsmacked about the pill thing. You were an adult! It had nothing to do with them, and why was she snooping in your room? Not a healthy relationship, by the sound of it. Why are you striving to maintain it? Still looking for approval?

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