Am I over sensitive or is MIL taking the piss?(25 Posts)
DH and I have had a stressful few weeks, for the last 4 weeks we have been in hospital with our youngest who was critically ill, but thankfully fine now. While we were away our eldest lived with my parents and spent the odd day with MIL. She was missing us and it was a difficult time for all.
When we got home there were some outdoor toys missing and we thought they had been stolen.
Been to MIL today found toys in her garden, then spotted other things toys, dolls of ours lying around the house.
We asked about the outdoor toys, she thought she'd asked. No mention of the other bits.
I hate that she let herself into our house while we were away and helped herself to our belongings. She thinks it's normal and acceptable.
Didnt she take them so that dd had something to play with while at hers? Has she been asked for them back?
It is odd, but if dd has nothing to play with at hers I dont see why she didnt just message or call and say "just taking x y and z to ours for dd hope thats ok"
If it was a "one of" I would let it go. She was bringing your dc's toys for them to play with.
Are they your belongings or your child's? Did she fetch them so your older child had something familiar to play with when she was looking after your child?
It does seem a little bit to me that you are deflecting your worry for your child being ill onto something that seems a bit trivial to me. I'm not a MIL but I do look after my nieces sometimes and if they wanted a favourite toy from their house while I was looking after them I wouldn't worry about going and fetching it for them, it's their home too. If I can be trusted with someone's precious child, then surely I can be trusted with their toys too.
Is this just one of many incidents?
Because if not and she's normally fine, I'd be inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt and think that she was just trying to make things more normal for your eldest during the time she spent with her, and probably didn't want to bother you with it because you had more important things to worry about.
Glad to hear things are better with your youngest 💐
I think you're probably very stressed and tired and really need to look after yourselves kindly for the next few weeks. If you're still pissed off with MIL then maybe say something. But she may well have been worried and a bit irrational under the circumstances
Unless there's a huge untold story then you need to get over it.
The alternatives were that your MIL tell your child that she just do without a much loved toy at a time when everyone was worried or that she contact you with a trivial request when you really had more important shit to deal with.
If she's a good and caring person in your life who supported you at a time when you needed it, then you really should focus on the bigger picture.
I think that if she done it so your oldest had something familiar to play with at a time that must of been hard on your eldest being away from you then it's an understandable thing to do.
Yes she should of asked first but maybe she felt silly texting you about such a thing, given you were in hospital with your youngest and circumstances being what they were.
If you generally have a good relationship I would ask for the toys to be returned and let it go
Glad your youngest is on the mend 💐
I don't think it's taking the piss? She's collected something's for your dd to play with at her house. Would you rather her not have her toys there?
Why does she have a key?
She said she thought she had asked? How face to face? Phone call? Text? Through a 3rd party?
Like you said your stressed, and have had a bad week. Probably very tired too? Could it be case of that missplaceing thing where you get annoyed by something trivial instead of your real problems
I agree with others that it sounds like you are diverting your stress onto this non-issue. If she'd nicked the toaster that's one thing, but picking up some toys for your child that she's looking after? Not at all a problem. She probably just didn't want to bother you with asking, or it didn't occur to her that she needed to ask whether she could get the belongings of the child she was looking after. Glad your youngest is alright - focus on that and the fact that they both have lovely GPs (on your and your DH's side) who will step up in a crisis.
It sounds as if she picked up some toys for your child to play with. What with everything going on she probably did think she had asked, or she could have mentioned something vague in passing. As a one off I would let it go.
If she's still doing it in 2 months time and you visit to find her stuck on the slide, dummy in mouth, cuddling a doll .... then worry
I'm guessing that you're still stressed by the hospital ordeal.
What else besides some toys that presumably belong to your DD? Power tools, TV, car?
Would you have been as upset if it was your mum who had collected the toys?
She's doing you a big favour looking after your child when you needed practical help. Maybe you could focus on being thankful that she's available to help out?
Would you feel the same if it was your mother?
I'm so glad your youngest is doing well. In your mils situation, I wouldn't have asked because I wouldn't have wanted to worry you with such a trivial matter. I understand you don't like your privacy invaded. But these are extraordinary times in your family.
Why would it bother you that she took some of her granddaughters toys to make her feel more at home?
I would be glad she was so thoughtful.
Thanks, I think there is an element of transferring stress.
She has got loads of favourite toys at hers already as DC plays there half a day once a week, while we were away she was there one whole day a week.
We have seen her several times since we got back and she had not mentioned borrowing toys. We had thought she would have DC more to start with and loaned her other things that haven't been back. But in the end she was too busy for more than one day and my parents had her.
I had not noticed many were missing as we had put them away in the storage cupboards in the spare bedroom as they were not played with anymore. One item I've literally just seen on a chair is a decorative hand made toy, a christening present that was on a shelf in our living room.
And yes, I'm aware that I asked aibu, you said yes and I'm trying to find reasons why I'm not ill endevour to be more reasonable and step away from my phone.
Just gather them all back up and say I'll take these home with me.
What kind of grandparent doesn't delight in choosing and buying a few things to keep at their house for their GCs to play with when they come round?! Things that they DON'T have at home! Anyone would think she's never had a child in the house before.
I don't think YAB oversensitive. You've just noticed she might not be a very....what's the right word? invested? interested? prepared?.....GP
And you might want to get that key back before she starts going through your undies drawer! (another thread, FYI. )
I think she took them because she has to have everything. Some sort of nervous, hoarding tendency probably due to some underlying psychological issues. She has enough toys at hers to open a shop between things she's bought, and been given as hand me downs for our kids and her other grandchildren.
Which makes me more unreasonable. But I think I may ask for the key back. I need to feel comfortable in my home.
Just take your stuff back and take her key. Sorted.
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