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AIBU?

Break things off with New Boyfriend after our date?

99 replies

NCFTP1 · 16/04/2017 10:15

WARNING LONG POST!! (and slightly personal)

So, I recently started seeing someone, I am currently pregnant with my ex's baby, but that ended a long time ago as he started drinking excessively and becoming physically abusive (this only started after I got pregnant). Anyway..

We wen't out yesterday for our normal date/day, And before we even made it to lunch, He had already drunk 3 (alcoholic) drinks and already slightly drunk (He hadn't eaten all day) and tried to get all Touchy. I wouldn't have minded, but things like trying to stick his hand down my trousers in a fully packed restaurant in front of people made me uncomfortable. I told him this, and he wouldn't stop.

Admittedly, The night before we are talking quite rudely :$ but I made clear to him nothing would happen the next day due to the fact we were going to be in public and I'm not comfortable with being sexual in public.. plus I'm 8 months pregnant.. and even though we talk rude sometimes, He knows full well im not ready for physical stuff at the moment, Something he says he understands and will wait for. Yes, I was beginning to feel comfortable with the idea of sex with him, but now I have just lost all trust.

During dinner he would ''playfully'' (to him, but not me) dig his nails into my hand or bite my fingers to the point of really hurting me and then made a comment about ''How can I be submissive during sex if I couldn't handle him being dominant''. It's a completely different situation.

We decided to go for a walk and ended up in another pub where he had another 4 drinks. But this time, he was slurring words, Walking into doors.. he was drunk, But whenever I tried to say ''We should call it a day..(even though it was only 4 o'clock in the afternoon and we only met up at 12.30pm) He would tell me to stop making comments about him drinking because it made him feel bad. This was all just putting me in a bad place as it was like being with my ex again.

Nether the less, I didn't stand up and leave.. mainly because i'd have felt bad leaving him there like that.

Soon the conversation turned into ''I think we should get a hotel next week''. I tried to shrug the conversation off as it wasn't the time nor place, It turned into him TELLING me that once my son was born, I should go on birth control because he didn't want kids. I explained that I couldn't take the pill (as I tried before and it didn't react well to my body) and the idea of the implant or coil wasn't something I liked.. But said I'd think about it. He just continued to pressure me, Until I just shut down and stopped talking until he got the message and dropped it.

He decided to miss his bus and stay longer, Which I didn't like because it meant he had to spend a ton of money on taxi's to get home.. and I just wanted to go home at this point. We went for a walk, hoping that maybe we could just .. be normal for a bit, But then he suggested another pub. I completely shut down the idea (though he wouldnt stop suggesting it) and we went and sat down by the river.

Thats when things just got to much for me. He kept asking me to put my hand down his trousers and touch him, I kept saying no, He tried to force my hand and I pulled away. He started getting a little too rough and hurting me (By grabbing my hands or gripping my chin for kisses). When we were sat down, Despite me saying No, Stop, He shoved his hand down my trousers.

He started asking for ''proper'' kisses, which were kissing with tongue, Not something I've ever liked, and again, I said no. I didn't want to and just from kissing his lips, I could smell and taste the alcohol, At which point, He grabbed my face and tried to force his tongue into my mouth, I pushed him away but he wouldn't stop, eventually, I had to scream for him to stop, and he did. I started crying and he apologized and told me not to shout ''Stop or No'' because we were in public and people were looking. I felt completely unsafe.

After that I was pretty cold towards him while he kept saying sorry and I walked back to my bus to go home. He came with because he didn't want me to walk alone. I couldn't stop him, So I just ignored him.

He DID say how because he bought me an Easter egg, He deserved what he wanted and I shouldn't talk rude with him, if when we meet I wasn't going to do anything (though what we spoke about the night before had nothing to do with being anything when we met) . He made me feel like it was my fault and I was a tease or something, Which, Is playing on my mind. I just feel that... Even if we did talk a certain way the night before, Should It mean I should put up with that he did? Is it my fault? Was he this way simply because he had to much to drink?

To make it all worse, When I got home, My mum told me that our family dog had passed away while I was out, I was completely crushed, and I messaged him (IDK way, Maybe for someone to talk to) ... He has yet to reply. I messaged him again this morning and said we shouldn't be together anymore.

AIBU? Am I to blame for what happened? :'(

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ladyratterley · 16/04/2017 10:19

Please, please stay rid of him. He's vile.
Concentrate on your new arrival.
Of course YANBU.