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to think its too late?

(14 Posts)
ohdeaeyme Sun 16-Apr-17 07:53:30

my ex charged and pleaded guilty to domestic violence against ke in january. at the time i was petrified of losing my chikdren so didnt report the physical abuse against them. i wish i had, plus i have found messages between us where we are discussing the incidents or he partially admits things.

aibu to think i cant do anythimg about these as they happened before the incident that he was charged with?

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sun 16-Apr-17 07:56:30

What do you want to do about them? Has the criminal case against him finished now?

ohdeaeyme Sun 16-Apr-17 08:02:40

ultimately i need to keep my children safe and whether that is through a criminal case or through the family courts i will fight for them. im just scared that as i didmt report it to the police and if it is now too late that the family courts will just dismiss it.

it has, he got a conditionsl discharge and restraining order

Jellycatspyjamas Sun 16-Apr-17 08:20:49

The abuse of your children is separate to the abuse of you. If you report to social services they would also involve the police. The police would deal with any criminality and social services would assess your children's welfare and safety. If he isn't living with you and there's no unsupervised contact with your children it's likely social services would decide your kids are safe enough.

The assessment process can be hard going fescues they (police and social services) are likely to look at your ability to keep your children safe from your partner, which in many ways is ridiculous but is how these things tend to go.

Jellycatspyjamas Sun 16-Apr-17 08:21:53

Just noticed there's a restraining order, does that apply to you or you and the kids, of the latter it's likely to be assessed that your kids are safe enough.

StrawberryJelly00 Sun 16-Apr-17 08:23:58

You should report it doesn't matter when incidents occured. You will he challenged in court as to why you did not report this

ohdeaeyme Sun 16-Apr-17 08:47:31

just to me. i have the police coming round in the next day or two to take a statement because hes playing silly buggers with the order but its questionable if he is just about keeping to the terms.

i will speak to them about it. im just so scared atill that because i failed my children big time, plus its taken 3 months of me reading through messages and diary entries about things to even realise just how horrendous he has been to our kids, think id blocked it out when the initially criminal case against me took place

FairytalesAreBullshit Sun 16-Apr-17 08:51:23

I think sometimes we do things to protect our children, so if you said about the abuse, they would be interviewed by an appropriate person. You have messages, you know what happened as do they. I'm not sure with the conditional discharge whether this would land him in prison.

I guess it's something you need to think about and whether just with the DV charges, he'll change his ways.

Best of luck flowers

ohdeaeyme Sun 16-Apr-17 08:53:34

they are 2 and 6 months so cant be interviewed. 2 year old is showing signs of having huge emotional issues which she is under going assessment for and she has more or less no speech yet.

Yes you need to report it. Especially if there is no restraining order in place between him and the kids (what's there to stop him going near them if they are out without you?)

Especially given that your 2yr old is showing signs of emotional issues. They need to be protected from him in the long run

ohdeaeyme Sun 16-Apr-17 09:12:23

ok. i will show the police the little bits and pieces of evidence i have and see what they say when they come later.

that is one of my biggest fears, that i cant let anyone else have them because whilst with me they are protected thriugh my restraining order but with anyone else they arent.

wish i hadnt been so pressured when i initally reported it, was made to by the childrens centre as thats where i went for help but it was all so fast and scary i only reported one incident, the last one when in reality it was 3 years of assault after assault after assault and now i have had chance to search i have found 30 odd admissions via messaage to me of things he has done to me that i cant do anything about

MrsNuckyThompson Sun 16-Apr-17 09:12:37

Of course it isn't too late. You have a duty to report these crimes. Just be prepared to explain why you chose to wait.

ohdeaeyme Sun 16-Apr-17 10:19:28

the whole thing is just frankly terrifying

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