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Partner an teenage kids don't get on

(45 Posts)
round2mum Sat 15-Apr-17 21:30:57

First time poster! Not even sure if I'm on the right thread? Apologies if I'm not
So I have 2 teenage children, boy 18 an girl 16. My boy has a number of special needs hence why I'm so protective!!!
I've known my partner 12 yrs had a brief fling about 10 years ago but decided to go separate ways for different reasons. 2 yrs ago ended up getting friendly again an decided to give it another go, I fell pregnant soon after an so we moved in together into his house as it was bought an mine was rented. He also has a 12yr son who lives with him. All got on great until about 10 months ago when partner started nit picking about little things children did, complaining if they didn't do chores saying stuff like "my house my rules don't like it you know where door is"
Now he says they are freeloading off him an they need to get jobs an pay their way!! I'm at breaking point as I'm the one constantly in the middle. Both are still in education so I don't see it's fair that they should contribute when they have no money coming in themselves.
Is he being unreasonable or am I too soft?

Squeegle Sat 15-Apr-17 21:33:08

Oh dear. Kids have to come first, they didn't choose this. Time to move back to your house I think.

ImperialBlether Sat 15-Apr-17 21:33:39

You need to put your children first and leave this man.

Sorry, there's nothing else for it.

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 15-Apr-17 21:34:46

Bin him. Sorry but I've seen this go wrong for the kids.

Aeroflotgirl Sat 15-Apr-17 21:35:16

I am afraid it's a no brainier, you have to part company, your kids come first.

Pallisers Sat 15-Apr-17 21:36:32

"my house my rules don't like it you know where door is"

I can't imagine anything worse or more destablilising than having a man who isn't related to you, who clearly doesn't like you much be able to say this to you - presuming he is saying it seriously.

Your teens don't have a secure home - it is as simple as that. It may be that your partner resents providing a house for free for you and your teens and maybe he has a reason to feel like that but your children shouldn't feel like they are unwanted in their own home - or that they don't have their own home.

Where and how did you live before you moved yourself and your two teens in with him? Did you discuss that you had 2 dependent teens who clearly were not going to be able to pay full rent?

Is their father around?

Screwinthetuna Sat 15-Apr-17 21:37:52

Kids come first every time.

Chippednailvarnishing Sat 15-Apr-17 21:40:38

He sounds like a knob, but in fairness you haven't actually said what the kids are doing that annoys him so much and if his son is treated exactly the same.

soapboxqueen Sat 15-Apr-17 21:43:03

Sorry but I wouldn't be putting up with that or have him speak to my children like that. It's either his, yours and your children's home or it isn't.

You need to be clear that it is unacceptable. If he can't understand that then I think you might need to move.

StillDrivingMeBonkers Sat 15-Apr-17 21:43:40

I fell pregnant soon after an so we moved in together into his house as it was bought an mine was rented

You aren't secure, neither are your children. He's abusive.

Fennecfoxmummy Sat 15-Apr-17 21:43:41

Aw sorry OP but your children need to come first. My betting is that they don't even feel like they have a HOME just a house they're having to live in with that knob!
I think you need to find your own place again asap.

Naicehamshop Sat 15-Apr-17 21:44:14

What Pallisers said.

round2mum Sat 15-Apr-17 21:45:53

We lived in private rented, I have always worked part time (during school hrs) so I have my own income coming in he is not solely responsible for paying bills mortgage etc. Relationship with their father isn't good an don't bother much with him anymore he has never paid me anything towards raising them.
I agree that children come first but then what about the child we have together? Is it fair that I take him from his father
I'm so confused don't know what to do for best

HowSmug Sat 15-Apr-17 21:46:47

Kids come first but they should be helping out and respectful regardless of who owns the house. A lot of 18 and 16 year olds have jobs to give themselves some pocket money.

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 Sat 15-Apr-17 21:47:21

Whats he like eith you op? Whats he like with his own children?

round2mum Sat 15-Apr-17 21:48:42

Yes I think having a part time job so they have their own money is good for them but to charge them "rent" on it is a bit unfair don't you think?

ThatsJustHowIFeel Sat 15-Apr-17 21:48:54

Sounds horrible. Ditch him.

Gallavich Sat 15-Apr-17 21:51:24

Sounds like a dick.

round2mum Sat 15-Apr-17 21:51:40

I know your all right an I need to move out but not really in a position to finance it myself
I'm all fairness he is strict on his son, which does lead to more arguments

TheElephantofSurprise Sat 15-Apr-17 21:53:16

Protect your children. All of them. Leave him.

Fennecfoxmummy Sat 15-Apr-17 21:56:56

Asking for rent or more board could be fair enough if they did get a part time job however the my house my rules thing is not ok. You're the only only one they have to rely on if their father is not playing a part you really need to find a way to move out. For them.

DurhamDurham Sat 15-Apr-17 21:58:58

I think the fact that he has you questioning yourself and wondering if you're too soft on your children means that it's time to call it a day. Think how your teens must feel when he speaks to them like that. You need to put them first and get them away from him before he erodes their confidence as well as yours.

You could still date him although he doesn't sound like much of a catch but while your children live with you they should be your prime consideration.
Good luck, it can't be easy.

EsmeeMerlin Sat 15-Apr-17 22:01:17

I could not be with anyone who threatened to throw my children on the street. What do you say when he says that?

I would be saying if they leave then so do I!

He sounds like a massive dick.

AvaCrowder2 Sat 15-Apr-17 22:04:30

Are your 16 and 18yo in full time work? If so a bit of board is OK. If not what do you want the to think of you? That you would put a man who is mean to them ahead of them. It was ok to be a single parent to your older dc but not to your younger one.

Don't fuck up your hard won relationship with your older children.

BlueDaisies Sat 15-Apr-17 22:08:19

Round2Mum- try posting in the step parents section, it should be helpful.

I don't see this as being as simple as just "leave him"- you have a child together. That said, this situation simply cannot continue. It isn't your DPs house- it is the home of you all. I'm assuming you contribute in some way- financially and/or to the running of the house.
Your children need to know they are still your priority or I fear they will resent you for allowing this situation. Have you tried talking to your DP and letting him know you simply cannot live like this anymore and would leave if it doesn't change?

Out of interest- when the child you have together is a teen will your DP expect the same of them? Or do you think he is acting this way as they aren't his bio children?

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