Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

AIBU?

To think no, ds (10) does not 'need a slap' for calling me a penis

114 replies

theduchessstill · 15/04/2017 21:30

I have a relative staying with me and today my dc came back having spent a week on holiday with their dad. We have a system going whereby they remove dead creatures (cat-kill) from the house for a small reward - ds1's current choice is Match Attax cards. On the night before the holiday, ds1 cleaned up a mouse for me and another one in the morning before he left. I told him his two packs would be waiting for him when he got back.

Well, I got the wrong ones (why are there so many types?). I handed them over and he opened them as usual and it all seemed fine. I casually said "they are the right ones aren't they?" and he hesitated a bit and then said "It's fine, don't worry," but I sort of interrupted and said, among other things, "If you'd said straight away before opening them we could have taken them back." At that point his manner changed and he started shouting and said various things such as that he does slave labour for nothing, he hates me, I'm stupid and a penis (!).

I asked him what had got into him and he said he was angry with himself because if he'd told me straight away we could have changed them. He was struggling with feelings of disappointment, knowing he was being rude and all the rest of it. Throughout the rest of the evening he keep veering between being a bit tearful, saying he hated me, but was also very clingy and cuddly.

Put the dc to bed and came down looking forward to a glass of wine with relative and she was sitting waiting to launch an attack on how ridiculous it all was - I'm too soft on him, there's something wrong with him, her dc would have had a slap for that carry on blah blah. I tried to laugh it off a bit, but she persisted so I told her we'd better leave it as we weren't going to agree, and now she's gone to bang around in the kitchen.

AIBU? I think he was tired, overwhelmed (first time they've been away from me for more than 4 days and they'd had a 5 hour journey plus breaks) and began by trying to do the right thing. I honestly don't think he would have told me had I not mentioned taking them back.

OP posts:

Report

LindyHemming · 15/04/2017 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/04/2017 21:33

I think he needs some sleep, some consequences and some guidance on how to manage his strong emotions. But not a slap.

You relative would have got short shrift in my house. She's old enough to manage her own emotions.

TheStoic · 15/04/2017 21:35

A slap is obviously not going to happen, that's ridiculous.

But were there any consequences for him being so disrespectful to you?

Naicehamshop · 15/04/2017 21:35

Saying a child "deserves a slap" is absolutely horrible. Probably best to ignore her but I'd be itching to tell her what I thought about her suggestion of hitting a young child.

Camelsinthegobi · 15/04/2017 21:36

Ignore relative. You know your son best and there's no need for slapping! As long as DS knows that kind of language is unacceptable it sounds like he was just overwhelmed and exhausted.

highinthesky · 15/04/2017 21:37

So what are you going to do with this relative? It sounds like your home doesn't need any more tension, and yet she's banging around in your kitchen? Find a way to make the best of this situation.

Honeyandfizz · 15/04/2017 21:37

Vile thing to say. Is she older? I'd hope not many parents slap their dc these days!

harderandharder2breathe · 15/04/2017 21:38

Yanbu, he sounds overwrought. A slap benefits nobody. A cuddle and a discussion of how to handle that sort of situation in the future is more productive.

SorryForCallingYourMumACunt · 15/04/2017 21:39

Nah she's a nob. I have kids that age. They are ungrateful bastards sometimes it's happens.

You can slap them every time!

SorryForCallingYourMumACunt · 15/04/2017 21:39

*CANT!

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 15/04/2017 21:40

'slap' is metaphorical, not physical. Its code for: 'needs a good talking to'.

Sometimes I find persons far too literal.

RebelRogue · 15/04/2017 21:40

Well it's not the way I would've handled it but definitely no slaps either. If you were my relative/ friend I'd just ask if you were ok and move on.

Naicehamshop · 15/04/2017 21:41

What planet are you on, Bonkers?

Slap means slap.

RebelRogue · 15/04/2017 21:42

Still actually most people that use slap mean it literally. My mother always bemoaned the fact that i was the way i am because I wasn't smacked/slapped/beaten on time. Trust me she didn't mean a good talking to ;)

missyB1 · 15/04/2017 21:44

Well a slap would clearly be totally wrong, but I would not tolerate any child of mine talking to me like that tired or not. I would have confiscated the cards until the morning. Does he often over react like that?

TinklyLittleLaugh · 15/04/2017 21:46

None of the slaps I had as a kid were metaphorical.

lottachocca · 15/04/2017 21:48

he clearly doesn't need a slap but he needs to stop calling you names when he gets frustrated! I expect my kids to help around the house because they live here - they don't get paid for helping out.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 15/04/2017 21:50

It is metaphorical phrase. Perhaps it's a regional terminology?

You all carry on being literal.

Emily7708 · 15/04/2017 21:50

Agree with no slaps but I don't care how tired or stressed my children are, they would not get away with insulting me like that. It annoys me so much when my DC come home from school upset and say that so and so has called them a "penis" - is it any wonder it happens when parents deem it acceptable at home?

soapboxqueen · 15/04/2017 21:53

It's none of her business how you parent. Tell her to keep her beak out.

In all honesty saying somebody is a penis isn't really a proper insult. Dick etc , yes. Children pick up insults from various sources. Penis sounds more like 'I'm trying to shock you so you realise how upset/confused I am but either don't know real swearing or I do but don't want to really upset you'.

Also I wouldn't take 'needing a slap' as a literal threat. More a stiff talking to.

However I wouldn't take kindly to a metaphorical threat of violence either.

Penfold007 · 15/04/2017 21:58

He sounds overtired and overwrought. No he shouldn't have spoken to you like that but he realises it was wrong and on reflection understood why he'd been so annoyed with himself and so rude to you. Perhaps this relative has never been a child or a parent caught up in co-parenting, it can be hard at times.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/04/2017 21:58

People must have very different families to me. There is metaphorical to 'needs a slap' in our older generation. They mean a slap. Coal miners and mill workers don't mess around.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

ScarlettFreestone · 15/04/2017 21:59

Well a slap is obviously inappropriate and out of the question but I do agree that the behaviour was appalling.

I wouldn't allow tiredness as an excuse for that in a 10 yo to be honest.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/04/2017 21:59

No 'metaphorical'

228agreenend · 15/04/2017 22:02

He was,obviously overtired.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.