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To think no, ds (10) does not 'need a slap' for calling me a penis

(115 Posts)
theduchessstill Sat 15-Apr-17 21:30:29

I have a relative staying with me and today my dc came back having spent a week on holiday with their dad. We have a system going whereby they remove dead creatures (cat-kill) from the house for a small reward - ds1's current choice is Match Attax cards. On the night before the holiday, ds1 cleaned up a mouse for me and another one in the morning before he left. I told him his two packs would be waiting for him when he got back.

Well, I got the wrong ones (why are there so many types?). I handed them over and he opened them as usual and it all seemed fine. I casually said "they are the right ones aren't they?" and he hesitated a bit and then said "It's fine, don't worry," but I sort of interrupted and said, among other things, "If you'd said straight away before opening them we could have taken them back." At that point his manner changed and he started shouting and said various things such as that he does slave labour for nothing, he hates me, I'm stupid and a penis (!).

I asked him what had got into him and he said he was angry with himself because if he'd told me straight away we could have changed them. He was struggling with feelings of disappointment, knowing he was being rude and all the rest of it. Throughout the rest of the evening he keep veering between being a bit tearful, saying he hated me, but was also very clingy and cuddly.

Put the dc to bed and came down looking forward to a glass of wine with relative and she was sitting waiting to launch an attack on how ridiculous it all was - I'm too soft on him, there's something wrong with him, her dc would have had a slap for that carry on blah blah. I tried to laugh it off a bit, but she persisted so I told her we'd better leave it as we weren't going to agree, and now she's gone to bang around in the kitchen.

AIBU? I think he was tired, overwhelmed (first time they've been away from me for more than 4 days and they'd had a 5 hour journey plus breaks) and began by trying to do the right thing. I honestly don't think he would have told me had I not mentioned taking them back.

LindyHemming Sat 15-Apr-17 21:32:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 15-Apr-17 21:33:28

I think he needs some sleep, some consequences and some guidance on how to manage his strong emotions. But not a slap.

You relative would have got short shrift in my house. She's old enough to manage her own emotions.

TheStoic Sat 15-Apr-17 21:35:40

A slap is obviously not going to happen, that's ridiculous.

But were there any consequences for him being so disrespectful to you?

Naicehamshop Sat 15-Apr-17 21:35:53

Saying a child "deserves a slap" is absolutely horrible. Probably best to ignore her but I'd be itching to tell her what I thought about her suggestion of hitting a young child.

Camelsinthegobi Sat 15-Apr-17 21:36:01

Ignore relative. You know your son best and there's no need for slapping! As long as DS knows that kind of language is unacceptable it sounds like he was just overwhelmed and exhausted.

highinthesky Sat 15-Apr-17 21:37:38

So what are you going to do with this relative? It sounds like your home doesn't need any more tension, and yet she's banging around in your kitchen? Find a way to make the best of this situation.

Honeyandfizz Sat 15-Apr-17 21:37:47

Vile thing to say. Is she older? I'd hope not many parents slap their dc these days!

harderandharder2breathe Sat 15-Apr-17 21:38:19

Yanbu, he sounds overwrought. A slap benefits nobody. A cuddle and a discussion of how to handle that sort of situation in the future is more productive.

SorryForCallingYourMumACunt Sat 15-Apr-17 21:39:09

Nah she's a nob. I have kids that age. They are ungrateful bastards sometimes it's happens.

You can slap them every time!

SorryForCallingYourMumACunt Sat 15-Apr-17 21:39:23


StillDrivingMeBonkers Sat 15-Apr-17 21:40:10

'slap' is metaphorical, not physical. Its code for: 'needs a good talking to'.

Sometimes I find persons far too literal.

RebelRogue Sat 15-Apr-17 21:40:34

Well it's not the way I would've handled it but definitely no slaps either. If you were my relative/ friend I'd just ask if you were ok and move on.

Naicehamshop Sat 15-Apr-17 21:41:41

What planet are you on, Bonkers?

Slap means slap. confused

RebelRogue Sat 15-Apr-17 21:42:37

Still actually most people that use slap mean it literally. My mother always bemoaned the fact that i was the way i am because I wasn't smacked/slapped/beaten on time. Trust me she didn't mean a good talking to ;)

missyB1 Sat 15-Apr-17 21:44:46

Well a slap would clearly be totally wrong, but I would not tolerate any child of mine talking to me like that tired or not. I would have confiscated the cards until the morning. Does he often over react like that?

TinklyLittleLaugh Sat 15-Apr-17 21:46:51

None of the slaps I had as a kid were metaphorical.

lottachocca Sat 15-Apr-17 21:48:34

he clearly doesn't need a slap but he needs to stop calling you names when he gets frustrated! I expect my kids to help around the house because they live here - they don't get paid for helping out.

StillDrivingMeBonkers Sat 15-Apr-17 21:50:09

It is metaphorical phrase. Perhaps it's a regional terminology?

You all carry on being literal.

Emily7708 Sat 15-Apr-17 21:50:45

Agree with no slaps but I don't care how tired or stressed my children are, they would not get away with insulting me like that. It annoys me so much when my DC come home from school upset and say that so and so has called them a "penis" - is it any wonder it happens when parents deem it acceptable at home?

soapboxqueen Sat 15-Apr-17 21:53:27

It's none of her business how you parent. Tell her to keep her beak out.

In all honesty saying somebody is a penis isn't really a proper insult. Dick etc , yes. Children pick up insults from various sources. Penis sounds more like 'I'm trying to shock you so you realise how upset/confused I am but either don't know real swearing or I do but don't want to really upset you'.

Also I wouldn't take 'needing a slap' as a literal threat. More a stiff talking to.

However I wouldn't take kindly to a metaphorical threat of violence either.

Penfold007 Sat 15-Apr-17 21:58:35

He sounds overtired and overwrought. No he shouldn't have spoken to you like that but he realises it was wrong and on reflection understood why he'd been so annoyed with himself and so rude to you. Perhaps this relative has never been a child or a parent caught up in co-parenting, it can be hard at times.

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 15-Apr-17 21:58:53

People must have very different families to me. There is metaphorical to 'needs a slap' in our older generation. They mean a slap. Coal miners and mill workers don't mess around.

ScarlettFreestone Sat 15-Apr-17 21:59:09

Well a slap is obviously inappropriate and out of the question but I do agree that the behaviour was appalling.

I wouldn't allow tiredness as an excuse for that in a 10 yo to be honest.

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 15-Apr-17 21:59:33

No 'metaphorical' <sigh>

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