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AIBU?

To be so pissed off

50 replies

Booshbeesh · 15/04/2017 09:56

I need to vent. Im sick and tired of being practically a single parent. We have a bunch children TOGETHER. So y isiy me getting up in the night me cleaning me cooking me takin them out all day me telling me them off nagging at them me doin shopping by myself. Whilst he does what he wants to do. When he can be botherd. He actually woke up y2day morning and shut the babys bedroom door when baby was crying because of a dirty nappy. Pissed off because he was woken. Aibu to bury him before the patio gets laid next week?

OP posts:

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Crunchymum · 15/04/2017 09:58

He sounds more than useless.

Let me guess. You are a SAHP and he works so thinks he has to do fuck all around the house?

How many kids? What ages? Do you have a good support network? (Other than your useless partner!!)

Booshbeesh · 15/04/2017 10:03

I am sahp yes however i was self employed a few yrs back but because im practically running on empty as it is i just never had the time. The children are all under 10 theres 4 of them. I have family and a few friends but again. I want to take my kids clothes shopping with my family. Not tag along with others. I want to share responsibility not the whole job lot solely be on me. I am just sick of it

OP posts:

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 15/04/2017 10:17

Unless he changed after the fourth then you knew what was going to happen.

TBF, if you don't work the bulk should fall to you just as providing falls to him.

Booshbeesh · 15/04/2017 10:20

The bulk? So basically ur agree with paid keep? I should do every night time awakening. I should get up every morning weekend i should go out alone with and let him do whatever he wants alone. I should do all the washing and ironing and cleaning and cooking whilst entertaining the kids whilst hes on his games console? Really? Because he works 9 to 5. What about the weekend? And the bank holidays? When do i get a break or i dont because he pays for things?

OP posts:

QuiteLikely5 · 15/04/2017 10:22

Tell him if he wants to be a parent then he needs to start acting like one and raise his children.

Tell him you aren't a single parent but feel like one?

Tell him his financial contribution isn't sufficient enough for him to sit around doing nothing

StrawberryJelly00 · 15/04/2017 10:22

Have you spoken to him about how you feel op?

What was his response?

Chloe84 · 15/04/2017 10:25

Are you married, OP?

I would say leave him, you're a single parent anyway, as you say.

In the mean time, stop giving him dinner, stop shopping for him, stop his laundry, everything

Allthewaves · 15/04/2017 10:26

Did he want 4 kids as it doesn't sound like it

pieceofpurplesky · 15/04/2017 10:28

If you were a single parent you would have to do everything you do but without any of 'his' money.
Seriously though you need to talk to him.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 15/04/2017 10:31

In the mean time, stop giving him dinner, stop shopping for him, stop his laundry, everything

And if in return he chooses not to financially support the OP, daft advice.

He should be doing some stuff but the bulk of housework etc should be done during the day when there is an adult home not working to do it. I'd be pretty cross if DH expected to not work yet expected me too and then come home and start doing everything else on top.

Not wanting to spend time with the children is different.

sweetcarolines · 15/04/2017 10:32

God I really hate reading threads like this, some men are just arse holes and think that bringing home the bacon gives them the right to treat their wives / partner like shit!
I have no advice... but it sounds to me like you would be better off without him. He is fuck all use to you when he is there and doesn't seem to respect you or the kids. Like closing the door on a baby with a dirty nappy. Wtf?!?
The only exception I would make would be if he is suffering depression. If so, get him treated. If not, get him out to fuck and liberate yourself from this man child. You are doing it all on your own anyway!!!!!

PlayOnWurtz · 15/04/2017 10:39

Your "job" is to raise the kids and run the house. Yes he should chip in as and when but in order to bring a salary in he needs to be rested before work so yabu to expect help with night times on work days. If you want a more even split then look into getting work.

CoolCarrie · 15/04/2017 10:42

Why did you have 4 children with him?
Has he always been like this?

C8H10N4O2 · 15/04/2017 10:49

On which planet is looking after four children under the age of ten, including a baby in nappies considered to be 'not working'? Planet bullshit?

OP if he doesn't want to contribute to the family work or the house work tell him to get a second job to pay for someone else to do his share. This 'DP is being paid for their work so its intrinsically more difficult/tiring/important' than running the house and family 24*7 is ridiculous and I'm amazed how many women enable and sign up to it.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 15/04/2017 10:50

"Your "job" is to raise the kids and run the house. Yes he should chip in as and when but in order to bring a salary in he needs to be rested before work so yabu to expect help with night times on work days. If you want a more even split then look into getting work."

Really??

Yes to doing a lot of the house and kid related stuff during the 9-5 while he's at work but OP isn't a fucking skivvy fgs!

Just because some is a SAHM doesn't mean they have to take on all parental responsibilities, and all of running the house at all. Weekends especially should be much more even that this. Both parents are entitled to free time, why should one parent get to check out of all responsibilities and play video games just because he's got a 9-5 job ??

BTW, OP - being an actual single parent, I can say it's easier than putting up with shite like this. I've been doing it all on my own anyway for years, but since he left all the stress has lifted and life is so much easier.

sweetcarolines · 15/04/2017 10:50

Playonwurtz
Are you for real?!?! If that's the approach you are applying then he works 35-40 hours a week and she works a bare minimum of 105, whilst on call all night every night.
Really??!!!! If she didn't look after the kids then he couldn't go to work. He earns the money, she facilitates this so effectively she contributes to his wages as he couldn't go earn them without her!
And where does she get the chance to rest / recharge for her job???

Fairenuff · 15/04/2017 10:55

So basically ur agree with paid keep? I should do every night time awakening. I should get up every morning weekend i should go out alone with and let him do whatever he wants alone. I should do all the washing and ironing and cleaning and cooking whilst entertaining the kids whilst hes on his games console?

OP you are the one that has caused this situation. There is no point complaining about something that you have created and have no intention of changing.

Cherrysoup · 15/04/2017 10:56

Start doing fuck all for him, no washing/cooking, absolutely nothing. Make him do his own thing. After all, you are fulfilling his view of your 'job' (joke!) by looking after his children as though you were a single parent. The man is an arsehole and needs to be told where the line is drawn. How come you've let him away with this for the course of having four children? And why have you had four, knowing what a lazy twat he is?

Happyhippy45 · 15/04/2017 11:01

Being a sahp is a tough job. Very under appreciated. It makes it all the harder when you partner is the most unappreciative of them all.

However the night feeds, looking after the kids and running the house is your job at present. His job is to earn money to support you all at present. On his days off he should definitely pitch in though. He shouldn't just be letting you do everything and playing video games. Fair enough he'll need to rest from working but so do you!

You need to speak to him calmly without losing your shit. Tell him how you feel. Sometimes partners can be oblivious to a problem.

I was a sahp for 14 years. I made a rod for my own back by doing everything for the house. I've still not managed to get rid of it completely even after running a business with him as an equal partner for 8 years! The sooner he pitches in the better.

Closing the door on a crying baby is odd.
Did the baby wake you up too?
Did he know the baby had a dirty nappy?

DottyDonna · 15/04/2017 12:28

YANBU!!!!!

While he is at his full time job, you do your full time job (cleaning the house, looking after kids etc). Out with working hours when he is at home; parenting, cooking cleaning etc should be 50/50.

You BOTH need to be well rested to work the next day.

Booshbeesh · 15/04/2017 20:32

So i called him out on the way he is today. And he was surprisingly understanding. We didnt speak y2day because iw as annoyed at hi. And he at me. I was pissed because he left the baby as i said he was annoyed coz i didnt massage his sore hip in the morning. He said that he just doesnt realise sometimes and thinks because i do it all itl get done. It doesnt enter his head that he needs to do stuff. So to basically tell him what to do from now on. For the people sayin he works so i should be doing ny "job" and let him rest.
He wakes at 8am leaves at 8.30am at work by 9 and is home by 5.30am. Then goes gym/mates house/parents/football/sits and does nothing all day.

I wake at 6am. I wake kids at 7am do three school runs a day plus all cleaning and washing and feeding and any errands or shopping that needs to be done. I then spend the evening cooking dinner he usually eats seperate from kids because hes home late nost evenings so after washing up from one lot im having to do it again at 10pm. Im bathing and settling all children and pytting them all into bed. By the time i get to bath and whatnot its about 11pm. So when is my rest???? Or because i dont bring home a wage a just run a home and keep everyone alive and fed im not wntitled to any rest.

OP posts:

highclassmamma · 15/04/2017 20:40

Really not getting the majority of replies to your post OP. I say that both of you should work 9 to 5 (you in the house, he at his place of work) and that all other hours should be shared. How much would he have to pay for someone to do all the things that you do if you suddenly disappeared? He would need to have a cleaner, AU Pair, cook, shopper, housekeeper, ironer etc..... He needs to understand that you have had the children together and both bear equal responsibility for them. So that should mean taking turns with tasks, or assigning jobs equally. So, for example, when my children were babies my husband and I took turns in the night (both were bottle fed), or he would feed and I would change and settle. He has always taken his fair share of cooking and cleaning (to be fair, I have to direct him a lot!). We have both spent time playing with the children. Your partner needs to step up and be a real man and parent his children. Good luck! If all else fails, leave him to it for a weekend.

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TotalPineapple · 15/04/2017 20:42

IMO how you split housework and childcare is between the two of you. You need to tell him you're unhappy and negotiate what he needs to be doing to make it fair.

But closing a door on a crying baby with a dirty nappy is almost abuse in my eyes so I'd have a pretty dim view of anyone who did that. Even asking/telling you to sort it would have been better than just leaving it.

BrieAndChilli · 15/04/2017 20:43

In our house it goes like this

DH gets up early, he sorts breakfast for any kids that are up. He then goes to work and I get up and get the 3 kids ready for school.
I then do washing/tidying/cleaning /shopping that needs doing before working part time 12-3. I then pick up kids from school and do homework/ferrying to activities/cooking tea so it's ready when DH gets home at 6pm

DH then gets kids ready for bed while I clean up kitchen. We then both sit with kids and watch a bit of TV, chat, listen to reading etc etc before putting kids to bed at 8.

On the weekend he generally makes breakfast for everyone and actually probably makes lunch the majority of the time although I still cook the evening meal.
He will clean the bath room if it needs doing and also hoover. He also does lots with the kids on the weekend or will stay home with them while I pop to the shops or take them swimming while I clean, he also often plays board games with them, plays Lego, does science experiments etc etc.

Blackbird82 · 15/04/2017 20:52

You are absolutely entitled to a break. How insulting to be told that he needs to be 'rested' in order to do his job......where the hell is your rest period!?

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