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Do people respect you more for saying it how it is ?

(34 Posts)
user1492232552 Sat 15-Apr-17 07:53:19

I kind of feel i've nothing to lose with my family anyway, I only speak to my half brother, not my dad's child, no contact with mother - quite a strained relationship with my dad and his wife, step sister if it suits her. Some quite serious crap has gone down with my kids, I need support, asked for it via the only medium I have PM on face book and the message was read 24 hours ago and they've all ignored it completely. My not even asking much, just lost their numbers, my phone died, I need their new numbers to pass to my eldest child so she has an adult near by in case of an emergency - I'm not nearby atm - and I offered to send money so they could take my kids to lunch and check they are ok ? Is that a lot to ask of your brother - single no kids - or your dad ? Genuine question ?
Thanks

user1492232552 Sat 15-Apr-17 07:54:30

I guess the real question is not is it too much to ask I bloody know it's not, would i get a better response, respect, whatever if I said look guys we are bloody drowning here, help us !

OlafLovesAnna Sat 15-Apr-17 07:57:57

I think if they've read it and not even replied then it might be better to reach out to friends instead.

They must know you're desperate if it's not something you'd usually need and they've chosen not to help out so do you think it would be different if you were explicit that you're struggling?

UppityHumpty Sat 15-Apr-17 07:59:35

If you don't have a great relationship with them to begin with, why would you even approach them? Just reach out to friends instead or if not get professional help

KarmaNoMore Sat 15-Apr-17 07:59:40

Yes, if you are not in good terms with them.

Most people will not be very simpathetic at being asked for a favour when you are not in good terms and only contact them when you need them, even if they are your family.

Honestly, if you cannot even made the effort to find their phone numbers when you lost them, how are you expecting they will be happy to respond to a Facebook call for help?

user1492232552 Sat 15-Apr-17 07:59:52

They know it's not something i'd usually ask. I just can't believe i'm from such a family of arsehles tbh.

user1492232552 Sat 15-Apr-17 08:01:57

I lost the phone numbers in the past few days - so I didn't mention that and of course I don't just contact them when I need help. I never need help tbh, first time in years. Brother for example lived with me rent/bill free for over 6 months. Dad and Step mother happily took a £300 dyson off my hands that i wasn't getting on with it. It's not been one way traffic here.

KarmaNoMore Sat 15-Apr-17 08:02:49

Frankly, if you hold them in such high regard, why are you trying to ask them to be there for your kids?

Do you have close friends or other people you have helped in the past who you can ask for the favour back?

user1492232552 Sat 15-Apr-17 08:04:00

I don't have anyone else to ask

KarmaNoMore Sat 15-Apr-17 08:10:16

Ok, they may all be at their homes thinking someone else in the family is already helping you.

How far are you from them? Can you knock on their doors? I would try to work out who would be a better candidate to do the favour and start approaching them one by one. They may not know how serious it is.

anotherdayanothersquabble Sat 15-Apr-17 08:16:16

I wonder if they are not entirely clear why you have gotten in touch if you have not explained about the numbers and that you are struggling. You have been in touch and asked if they can get in touch. ..which they might do in a few weeks or so. If you have not been in touch much lately they are probably in no rush to respond....

knaffedoff Sat 15-Apr-17 08:18:00

Sorry but I am not on "good terms" with my sister. I would be hesitant to reply to any fb message for help.

She chose to go nc with me years ago. We resumed contact but it wasn't easy and she is again nc with me and my kids. Like hell would I want her to hurt my kids further should I allow contact for her to disappear a 3rd time. I don't think I would be an "areshole" to protect my kids !

treaclesoda Sat 15-Apr-17 08:22:48

I think it's hard to tell from your OP.

If by 'strained relationship' you mean that you don't see eye to eye, but you are still in regular contact even though you all wind each other up, then I'd say asking for their help is fine.

If by strained relationship you mean serious falling out, no contact for months ago a time etc then I'd view it differently. If someone I hadn't heard from for months popped up asking for a favour I would probably ignore them too.

Collaborate Sat 15-Apr-17 08:22:53

Facebook is a very shallow way to try and reach out to people you seem to have little or nothing to do with anyway. Can you try and find out their numbers through other means?

If someone sent me a request like that on Facebook I'd think they couldn't be bothered to make any effort and would give it the priority it deserved.

user1492232552 Sat 15-Apr-17 08:26:21

I can't knock the doors, too far away.
I last saw them 5 weeks ago in person, there's been no fallings out with these people at all.

user1492232552 Sat 15-Apr-17 08:27:27

Again genuine question, how would you get somebody's mobile number when you've lost it except to ask for it ?

Gingerbreadmam Sat 15-Apr-17 08:30:08

can you not get to your kids or transfer money to them?

i never understand how people 'loose' phone numbers.

user1492232552 Sat 15-Apr-17 08:32:39

My iPhone died. Will not fire up/turn on, numbers were stored in there.
I can't get to my kids and I have transferred cash to them but that's not really the issue. They need checking up on.

Gingerbreadmam Sat 15-Apr-17 08:38:24

how old are they?

i dont know much about iphones but would they be stored in your account and if you have internet access could you get the numbers that way?

if not some people have their mobile numbers in facebook. Do your children bother with any of these relatives?

If not i think i would have to try and get there myself. is there something in particular preventing you?

thethoughtfox Sat 15-Apr-17 08:38:36

Without wanting to appear sexist, sometimes men don't always read messages and intentions the same way as women do especially about matters involving children particularly if they don't have children like your brother or aren't very involved with any. They might not get the urgency unless you spell it out.

KarmaNoMore Sat 15-Apr-17 08:41:30

OP, where are you? How old are your kids?

From your post you seem to be far from both your kids and your family. Are your kids based nearer to your family? If they are older (like away at uni) could you rely on them finding the support they need? Can they contact you if they need to now that your phone is dead?

user1492232552 Sat 15-Apr-17 08:42:48

I am 24 hours flight away from them, it's not a life or death situation that needs leaping on a plane for.
Have messaged step sister and step mum with all details and why I need the numbers. Given up on brother I guess, I know where I stand there now.

Bluntness100 Sat 15-Apr-17 08:44:09

When's the last time they saw your kids op and would either of them approaching them on their own be welcomed? Who do they live with?

Gingerbreadmam Sat 15-Apr-17 08:47:19

tbh if the kids have had something serious go down and dont normally bother with these family members involving them might make it worse.

Guess it all depends what's happened.

user1492232552 Sat 15-Apr-17 08:49:13

Saw them 5 weeks ago,
Skyped them last night. Aged mid and early teens, basically their dad who they've lived with for a total of 5 weeks has left them over night to go and visit his girlfriend an hour and a half away by car. Youngest has had a panic attack there's been a huge palava, eldest broken a toe kicking the bath in the caffle. And ex considers he's done nothing wrong and they are all very calm and happy.
Clearly not true. Sorry for the drip feed I wasn't sure if I should even post

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