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AIBU - is it my fault my child is being teased ?

(108 Posts)
LankySara Sat 15-Apr-17 00:24:04

I just had a massive argument with DDs dad.

My DD has a severe language disorder and has been recently introduced to a high tec communication system, e.g. When you press certain keys it talks. There was an incident where DD was being taunted by the other kids by using it. I told DDs dad about this and he went ape he then began to tell me "That she should stop using it at once, if I carry on using it in public or wherever and she gets bullied then it's my fault, that I want his child to stay dumb, that he will teach her to speak normally, that he knows it will help her to speak but she won't be using it everywhere, if we are out and people look at us funny (when she uses it) then I shouldn't be surprised if people look at us funny..l".

When I tried to explain to him that it will help to talk more verbally, he began to call me "stupid, that I don't get it".

sad AIBU ? Should I stop using DDS talking device in public if she's at risk of ridicule ? Is it my fault that she got bullied ??

Dinosaurus86 Sat 15-Apr-17 00:27:55

It's not your fault. If it will help her speech then it sounds sensible. Some children can be horrible.

DeadGood Sat 15-Apr-17 00:31:46

Are you in a relationship with this man?

As for him teaching her "to speak normally" - has something been stopping him from exercising his superior teaching skills so far?

edwinbear Sat 15-Apr-17 00:32:00

No, of course she shouldn't stop using it. What on earth would he prefer for her to do? Not communicate at all? The fault lies with the other kids not the device.

BlossomCat Sat 15-Apr-17 00:32:02

It's the bullying childrens fault that she got bullied. Not yours.
Her communication device gives her access to the world and therefore gives her power. I've only got experience of adults using devices likes this, but they open up the world, she will probably benefit from using it.
Your Dh sounds very defensive and not supportive of you or her, is it possible to go back to the speech therapist and talk about the benefits of her aid?
flowers for you x

LankySara Sat 15-Apr-17 00:33:54

I am in a relationship with him.

But I'm worried about using it in public as people do look at us when I use it with her.

edwinbear Sat 15-Apr-17 00:34:36

And I wouldn't look at you funny if I saw you using it, and if my DC commented, I'd explain but give them short shrift if there was anything other than natural curiosity.

edwinbear Sat 15-Apr-17 00:36:13

OP people will look, because it's unusual. Doesn't mean they are judging. I think it's incredible that technology can do this stuff and how wonderful it can!

LankySara Sat 15-Apr-17 00:37:15

DDs would not go to see the speech therapist, his too proud. He did have a chance too but he had work.

BlossomCat Sat 15-Apr-17 00:37:42

If other people look, it's their problem, not yours or your daughters.
Would you take away a wheelchair from someone if other people looked at the user? It's roughly the same thing, an access aid, it's just aiding her access to communication not mobility, but needs to be treated with the same respect.

LankySara Sat 15-Apr-17 00:39:21

I used the exact same analogy but he wouldn't hear of it blossom. I know the more I use it the more it will help DD with her verbal speech as it has helped so much already.

BlossomCat Sat 15-Apr-17 00:49:07

It must be so frustrating. I had a teacher who wanted to take an aid away from my son as it made him 'look different.' I was able to go apeshit at the school and call in the OTs to support me, and got it sorted. But it was so frustrating.
your situation is different as it's her dad. Is he in denial about the severity of her situation?
Sending you a very un-mumsnetty hug flowers

BillSykesDog Sat 15-Apr-17 00:52:51

What does DD think about using it in public? That's the important thing. Is she happy to use it when she is out and about do you think? Does he think he is somehow defending her from being made to do something she doesn't like?

LankySara Sat 15-Apr-17 00:56:17

She loves it bill honestly , she has to have it wherever she goes, from the moment she gets up she asks for it. She was sad when she got ridiculed but it didn't seem to put her off it.

titchy Sat 15-Apr-17 00:59:18

Keep the aid, dump the bloke. HTH

LankySara Sat 15-Apr-17 01:02:32

You think I should itchy ?

Goldfishjane Sat 15-Apr-17 01:04:19

Hang on
He refuses to let her have speech therapy? And now this?

LankySara Sat 15-Apr-17 01:16:19

He doesn't mind her going speech therapy he just isn't that bothered about going himself.

BillSykesDog Sat 15-Apr-17 01:21:52

Well if she wants it case closed.

user1491572121 Sat 15-Apr-17 01:22:41

Let them look! I can't believe this...your poor DD and poor you with this kind of ignorance! He has NOTHING to do with her right to communicate and it IS a right.

Her device is a brilliant addition to her life and he should be helping her and you to work out ways in which to deflect the stares or comments...not giving in to them!

PovertyPain Sat 15-Apr-17 01:25:03

He's a selfish, rotten bastard, op. I'm sorry, but he is. He is more concerned about his daughter embarrassing him in public, than he is about her wellbeing. He can come out with all the bull shit he likes, but that's the real reason behind his anger. Teach her to speak, when he can't even make the effort to attend her s&l therapy? Not likely.

I think you need to think very carefully about the messages he is sending your child. If he starts making an issue out of her aid then he is going to seriously affect your daughter's confidence and feelings of self worth.

TyrionLannisterforKing Sat 15-Apr-17 01:26:17

Why would he go? Does he struggle with speech, too? Because he could be projecting.

Oh, and LTB. His behavior is awful, and it will escalate.

DeadGood Sat 15-Apr-17 01:30:28

"He doesn't mind her going speech therapy he just isn't that bothered about going himself."

No, he refused to go, OP. Sorry to sound pedantic but your language is minimising.

Keep standing up for your lovely daughter, OP. Also, you didn't answer my question. If he is prepared to teach your daughter himself, why hasn't he? He is just using this as a convenient way of shutting the conversation down. You need to call him out on it, or he will continue to say it, to make you stop talking about it.

BillSykesDog Sat 15-Apr-17 01:44:07

People looking is probably just a reaction to an unfamiliar noise anyway, not any sort of judgement.

DJBaggySmalls Sat 15-Apr-17 02:13:17

He wants her to be not disabled, as if him ignoring classes and her trying harder will somehow magically fix it.
Dont stop your daughter being able to communicate. Its essential she has a language, its irrelevant what that language is. Many members of my family use sign language; when people look at us signing in public its often because they are curious. Its not always malicious.

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