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To want to be her big sister?

(11 Posts)
Mrsknackered Fri 14-Apr-17 18:40:48

Quite a backstory here.
Just after DS1 was born my dad offered for DS and I to move in whilst my DP studied and worked abroad (he came back regularly but for short periods of time) so we could save up/help him out with DF's mortgage payment etc. This was a 2 year arrangement.
5 months in, my dad found a new girlfriend - she's not much older than me (irrelevant really) but she never ever liked me. She was very spiteful and my dad would intervene but I felt like I was holding him back and we agreed I would only stay for another 7 months.
9 months in, my dad told me that him and his DP had decided to move in together and 'she needs' me to move out as soon as possible. I agreed but was very hurt obviously.
We ended up moving 250 miles away as we could not afford locally (London) and both DP and I could find more work up here. This caused a lot of resentment from my mum towards my dad, as she felt he allowed his girlfriend to drive us out.
Nearly 4 years on, they are now expecting a baby together - I am in regular contact with my Dad and he adores his grandsons but I never, ever see his DP. I reached out to her via text wishing them congratulations. I also sent another a few weeks after saying that I never really understood why we didn't see eye to eye, but I hoped that could improve especially as I would soon have another little sister.
She however told my sibling (who is only 16 and she does get on with) that really I didn't have any relation to 'her' baby as my dad wasn't biologically my dad (he adopted me)
I am hurt by this as I have never viewed my dad or other siblings as anything but family. I think I should probably take a step back for my own sanity (had a pretty rough few months without this situation) but at the same time I love all my younger full, step, half, whatever you want to call them siblings and I love my dad and do not want to lose contact with him, but how on earth is that possible with his DP so clearly adamant that I am not part of any of it?

glueandstick Fri 14-Apr-17 18:44:08

I dunno, but she sounds a piece of work. Once a child is adopted they are as much family as the next sibling.

I'm sorry you're hurting.

ZilphasHatpin Fri 14-Apr-17 18:46:00

That's really cruel of her!

Personally I would cease all contact with her and go through your dad. Congratulate him, tell him you can't wait to meet your sister etc and ask if there is anything you need for her etc. Just keep it really nice with him and don't even acknowledge her or her vile comments about your dad not being your dad!!

Zaberwocky Fri 14-Apr-17 18:46:35

For some reason people can be complete arses about adopted children. DH's family treat his auntie like this, like she's not a valid child.

Not much advice but I'm sorry you're being treated like this sad

Trifleorbust Fri 14-Apr-17 18:58:07

Ridiculous woman.

Chillyegg Fri 14-Apr-17 19:01:33

Awful woman! Im not suprised your mum is hmm id be bloody angry angry how cruel. She sounds bizzarre

memyselfandaye Fri 14-Apr-17 19:05:33

She's a nasty fucker and something tells me your Dad will find out for himself soon enough.

Sounds like theres quite an age gap and if she is nasty enough to say something as hurtful as he is'nt your real Dad then she probably is'nt nice enough to stick around and care for him when he's living off a pension and getting older and needing help or care.

WhooooAmI24601 Fri 14-Apr-17 19:07:25

I was adopted as a child and when my (adopted) Grandma passed away she left me something in her will. It was contested by my (adopted) Mum's SIL (who was married to my Grandma's DS, so not a blood relative herself) because "she's not a real relative because she's only adopted". It's a revolting way to look at family and not one I'd be willing to tolerate now as an adult if I overheard.

If you need to take a step back for the sake of your sanity, do it. The blinkers will come off your Dads eyes eventually and it'll be up to you to decide how little/much contact you want when that happens. For now, though, rest assured that his DP is being nothing less than a massive twat and that it's not you.

Finola1step Fri 14-Apr-17 19:28:21

She's a nasty piece of work. Simple as that. The only thing you can do is keep the lines if communication open with your dad and other siblings.

Mrsknackered Fri 14-Apr-17 21:33:27

Thank you everyone.
I suppose I will just have to keep up contact with DF. Does make some sad to think in a months time I'll have a tiny little newborn sister who I probably won't see very much.
Hopefully, being a mother humbled her and she'll make peace.
Do have to admire her though, my dad certainly is past the getting up for nightfeeds stage!

emmyrose2000 Sat 15-Apr-17 00:06:32

She sounds like a nasty, spiteful, insecure and immature bitch. I'd definitely be passing on the adopted comment to your dad. What a disgusting thing to say.

Mind you, he's not exactly looking like Dad of the Year after he gave in to the nasty bitch's demands to kick his own daughter and grandchild out back at that time.

Some of my cousins​ are adopted. In one family, the adoptive dad had two bio sons from an earlier marriage. They are my cousin's half siblings just as they would be if my cousin had been her dad's biological child. Your dad's new bimbo isn't very bright is she if she can't understand the concept of full/half/step siblings.

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