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Is it ever reasonable

(31 Posts)
FingerLickinSpringChickin Fri 14-Apr-17 18:17:32

To acquire a new BFF of the opposite sex (and the same sexual orientation) when already married?

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface Fri 14-Apr-17 18:18:53

Yes. I did it.

Not married but LTR.

He's moved away now but we were best friends for ages.

Iamastonished Fri 14-Apr-17 18:18:56

So you mean you both fancy men?

FingerLickinSpringChickin Fri 14-Apr-17 18:20:02

Love the one track mind lam hmm

No, I don't fancy two men.

Cheaploopaper Fri 14-Apr-17 18:20:25

I'd love a new BFF, opposite sex or otherwise. I don't think it's BU. You mean 'best friend forever' right?

OregonShales Fri 14-Apr-17 18:21:52

I think Iam was asking if both you and your friend fancy men?

sirfredfredgeorge Fri 14-Apr-17 18:22:58

What happened to the previous BFF? You might be being unreasonable to them.

But you can be friends with whoever you want, whenever they come along, it's never unreasonable.

Iamastonished Fri 14-Apr-17 18:23:12

Oregon has it

Trifleorbust Fri 14-Apr-17 18:23:37

I wouldn't be thrilled if my DH suddenly announced his 'BF' was a woman I didn't know. He's not 12 and it would ring false.

TheStoic Fri 14-Apr-17 18:24:20

Love the one track mind lam hmm

No, I don't fancy two men.

Huh?

Pinkheart2017 Fri 14-Apr-17 18:24:48

Yes why can't people of the opposite sex be friends confused

My male best friend I met at a dance show after I married dh, it's never bothered dh why would it? I don't jump on every man I talk to or go for a night out with becuase I love my dh and I choose to marry him nobody else

RunRabbitRunRabbit Fri 14-Apr-17 18:26:04

BFF, like out together alone a lot, just hanging? No, I wouldn't do that, nor would DH. Mainly out of respect for the other's feelings because it would inevitably create suspicion and mistrust. Also to avoid gossip that would hurt the other, no matter how innocent the truth might be.

peachgreen Fri 14-Apr-17 18:26:08

Totally depends on your marriage and the boundaries you set together. For me and my husband, absolutely not. For other couples, it's completely fine. Neither way is right or wrong. It's only important what you and your spouse think.

FingerLickinSpringChickin Fri 14-Apr-17 18:30:15

Hahahaha grin I geddit now. Whoops blush

No, I mean I am a hetero woman, new friend a hetero man.

I have been married a looooong time to lovely DH and our marriage is solid. As a couple we have never been particularly independent as individuals. Especially when it concerns friends. We're kind of a package. Probably because we very young when we got together.

I have a new friend who is very dear to me. There is no attraction. There might have been under different circumstances but it's gone beyond that - we know too much about each other now IYSWIM.

I am just wondering if it's reasonable to say to DH "I'm going out for drinks/whatever with new friend" and to argue the likely moaning. Equally, whether it would be reasonable of him to be unhappy with it.

FingerLickinSpringChickin Fri 14-Apr-17 18:32:54

I'm being flippant with the BFF phrase. Like pp I'm not 12.

I don't mean in each other's pockets. I just mean meeting for coffee or going for a beer and it not being a big Thing.

Cheaploopaper Fri 14-Apr-17 18:34:47

Do it. Enjoy.

HermioneJeanGranger Fri 14-Apr-17 18:38:00

The facf that you say there might have been attraction under different circumstances makes me feel a bit iffy tbh.

My best friend is male, but we're both in relationships, and even if we were both single, I would never go there under any circumstances. I think that makes a difference.

SmileEachDay Fri 14-Apr-17 18:38:42

I have a new friend who is very dear to me. There is no attraction. There might have been under different circumstances but it's gone beyond that - we know too much about each other now IYSWIM.

Hm. This makes it stickier. More blurry.

I think opposite sex friends are great, 3 of my closest friends are men. But there has never been any attraction and there wouldn't be under any circumstances, which is different, I think, to what you are saying?

Birdsgottaf1y Fri 14-Apr-17 18:48:50

""I don't mean in each other's pockets. I just mean meeting for coffee or going for a beer and it not being a big Thing""

I've that how much time a couple has with each other matters. It's one thing to go out in a single sex couple or a mixed group, for common interests. But if a couple don't get time together then resentment can settle in if a partner is going out with the opposite gender.

Trifleorbust Fri 14-Apr-17 18:52:09

There is no attraction. There might have been under different circumstances but it's gone beyond that - we know too much about each other now IYSWIM.

No, I can't honestly say I do! If I were your DH I would see you going out for a beer with another man as a date. Sorry. I am the jealous type.

You are obviously entitled to do it.

peachgreen Fri 14-Apr-17 19:07:49

I think the fact that you mentioned there could have been an attraction suggests this is bad news, personally.

peachgreen Fri 14-Apr-17 19:09:03

Also for me if my husband was uncomfortable with it that would be reason enough not to do it - I'd put his feelings first. But my husband is a reasonable man which isn't always the case.

KefirDoor Fri 14-Apr-17 19:32:19

I think it's v specific to relationship so hard to judge. My best friend is male and I met him long after being with DH. People make jokes about it a lot. My DH couldn't care less but I know his DW is bothered by it. I understand her point of view because they have a very different type of relationship from us. If you think your DH would mind you need to consider why and if you think that is fair or not

Me624 Fri 14-Apr-17 19:47:37

I have male colleagues who I consider to be friends and often go for lunch with them or a drink after work. Sometimes in a group but sometimes one on one. I'm married, they're married. It's fine.

Ameliablue Fri 14-Apr-17 20:05:46

I have a new friend who is very dear to me. There is no attraction. There might have been under different circumstances but it's gone beyond that - we know too much about each other now IYSWIM.
I'm confused as to why you are calling someone a new friend but yet it's gone beyond attraction and you know too​ much about each other. There is a major gap in your explanation of the situation.

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