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MIL doing odd "helpful" things in my house

(217 Posts)
Mirander Fri 14-Apr-17 14:15:16

I've been married to DH for ten years so should be better at this by now. My MIL is generally lovely but very over sensitive and cries at anything- happy, sad, a cat crossing the road etc etc which can make talking to her about any issue tricky as obviously I don't want to upset her and it's easier to upset her than most. She likes to make herself helpful in our home and it's help I don't want but feel she likes to feel involved and DH likes it so after a few tense discussions at the start when she would fold my knickers up confused I thought we had established some very fuzzy boundaries.

The strange thing with MIL is she always says to me to tell her if I don't like anything and she won't do it. I told her I don't like her going in my bedside drawers. She told me I was being silly and she was just helping. I told her about four times I wasn't comfortable with it and she eventually agreed not to go in. She then put some washing in there and I told her again to stop it and she said she hadn't done it so I convinced myself it must have been me.

I got back from a work trip yesterday and she's taken my shoes off the shoe rack and put them in in my wardrobe (left all DHs shoes of course). DH called her and asked her why and she said it was because there wasn't enough space for her shoes on the hooks. What? She doesn't live here by the way!

She means well but it's like banging my head against a brick wall- what can I do it's driving me crazy?

SenoritaViva Fri 14-Apr-17 14:17:41

Your DH needs to sort it. She's meddling.

sirfredfredgeorge Fri 14-Apr-17 14:18:06

"MIL, you are no longer welcome in the house", you can return when you understand normal boundaries of what you don't do in other peoples houses.

ImperialBlether Fri 14-Apr-17 14:18:08

Sorry, no advice - that would drive me demented and I'd have to take her by the scruff of the neck and throw her out! How dare she do that? If she spoke to anyone else they'd tell her that's out of order.

As for your room, I'd get a lock put on it and when she wants to know why, I'd tell her.

Trb17 Fri 14-Apr-17 14:18:56

I think the problem may lie in her having a key!

Laiste Fri 14-Apr-17 14:21:54

How/why is she in your house when you're out?

AnyFarrahFowler Fri 14-Apr-17 14:23:43

My MIL rearranged all my son's clothes in his drawers because I clearly hadn't done it to her liking. I had put a load of clothes that were too small for him in a box and left it at the top of the stairs, ready to go in the loft. She put a load of clothes in there too, so I had to go through everything, find the clothes that still fit, refold and pack away, and then rearrange the drawers back to how they were. I don't know why she thought that would be helpful!

So no advice, but sympathy!

gleam Fri 14-Apr-17 14:25:16

Helpful? On what planet!

shesnotme Fri 14-Apr-17 14:26:20

Yep pil are like this. Unwanted 'help'. We dh and dcs mainly vist them only now. Works a treat.

ScarlettFreestone Fri 14-Apr-17 14:31:02

If she's "easily upset" highly manipulative then she's going to cry anyway. Accept it and decide not to be bothered/intimidated/upset by the crying.

Sit her down and tell her nicely, politely, firmly and with a smile that if she does it again you will remove her key.

You've got to say it and mean it. Just like dealing with a tantruming two year old.

I might be tempted to do as another MNer did and put a partially completed Australian VISA application in your bedside table drawer. wink

StillStayingClassySanDiego Fri 14-Apr-17 14:32:04

Ignore the fact that she cries at anything, happy or sad and that makes it hard for you to be at direct as you and dh need to be.

She's doing stuff in your house that you don't want and you both have to be more direct.

She likes to make herself helpful in our home and it's help I don't want but feel she likes to feel involved and DH likes it - why?

Mirander Fri 14-Apr-17 14:32:32

DH gave her a key he is half of the problem. I asked him to ask her not to go in the bedroom, he said that was too strong! So I'm batting both as I get the impression he thinks I'm being mean. I can't work out why she would carry on going in the one place I have asked many times her not to go and she agreed to it and said she understood.

isthisacceptable200 Fri 14-Apr-17 14:32:40

Love the way it was your shoes that got put somewhere else angry. Am angry on your behalf.

Does she have nothing of her own to do?

isthisacceptable200 Fri 14-Apr-17 14:34:01

Plus a bedroom is kind of private. Why is she in there confused?

Nairsmellsbad Fri 14-Apr-17 14:36:07

Of course she shouldn't be in your bedroom, or anywhere else in the house that you prefer her not to be for that matter. You need a firm word, first with DH then with her. This would drive me nuts.

Cherrysoup Fri 14-Apr-17 14:37:12

Remove the key. You need dh to be on board first. No way would I let her be in my house without me there. Too weird.

IloveBanff Fri 14-Apr-17 14:37:21

Either take the key off her (mind you she's probably got a copy) or put a lock on your bedroom door. Or both.

MimiSunshine Fri 14-Apr-17 14:38:56

She's having a nosy at your stuff but is finding things to put away so if you notice cr she can say it's helping rather than snooping.

Ask your H how he'd feel if your mum went through his underwear or rearranged his garage / shed? It's not too strong to say please don't go in our bedroom but you may have to be the one to say it.

Laiste Fri 14-Apr-17 14:39:05

Change the locks.

<half joking>

He might not mind his mother coming in and rootling around in both of your belongings but that doesn't mean you have to put up with it. You have a right to your privacy.

In this case i would tell your DH that you want the key back and that if he wont comply i'd ask her for it myself.

Seeingadistance Fri 14-Apr-17 14:39:18

Change the locks. Splash out on the expensive ones that can't be copied, that way your husband can't get his mother a copy.

This is your home, as well as your husband's and if you don't want someone in your space then you don't have to put up with it.

Why does she need to have free and unlimited access to your house anyway?

TurnipCake Fri 14-Apr-17 14:40:33

Buy a big fat dildo and each time she meddles, move it around like Elf on the Shelf.

That'll learn her

Lunde Fri 14-Apr-17 14:40:45

Do you have a key to the bedroom so that you could lock it?

I would also ask for the housekey back as she refuses to abide by you boundaries

JustSpeakSense Fri 14-Apr-17 14:40:52

Hide a giant strap on dildo in your bedside drawer, that'll teach her to snoop! winkgrin

livefornaps Fri 14-Apr-17 14:41:00

Leave handcuffs and massive dildos lying around the bedroom. She should get the message

(Seriously she keeps going through your bedside drawers even when you said no?! Creep!!!)

Change your locks.

Whereismumhiding2 Fri 14-Apr-17 14:41:06

Is your MIL staying with you as she's visiting you? If not, and she lives local, for goodness sake take the key off of her!! She's meddling!! And going through your stuff whilst you are out! And won't stop!

DH is not 7, he's a grown man. AND and she went through your knicker drawers, 3- 4 times when you asked her repeatedly not to. You're an adult woman, entitled to privacy.

What on earth is she doing going through your stuff, your wardrobes, your boxes????! Jeez shockconfusedangry

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