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Is this OK?

(121 Posts)
Karanka Fri 14-Apr-17 12:43:18

DW and I have been discussing holidays, and by 'discussing' I mean DW has said 'we are going on the holiday I want to go on'. It's a holiday we took three times before we had DCs, and which I liked progressively less each time.

I've said I don't want to go, and have suggested some alternatives, DW said today that it doesn't matter what I do or think, she and the DCs are going anyway.

AIBU to be annoyed by this?

PastysPrincess Fri 14-Apr-17 12:44:37


honeysucklejasmine Fri 14-Apr-17 12:44:39

Of course it's not ok.

highinthesky Fri 14-Apr-17 12:45:11

It sounds like you have a clear choice: suck it up and go with your family or make your own, separate plans.

Ellisandra Fri 14-Apr-17 12:48:52

Well, I'd like to hear both sides.
She might be a controlling cow.
Or she might be a woman who is left to do everything when on holiday with the kids and therefore wants it on her terms to mitigate that.

TheCakes Fri 14-Apr-17 12:50:12

Depends on the context. If she desperately wants to go but there is another family holiday you can all enjoy too, or you just don't fancy a holiday, I think this is totally fine. But if it takes away from your family and your ability to have a nice holiday, YANBU.

Ellisandra Fri 14-Apr-17 12:50:28

Of course, if she's making you go to Disneyland for the 4th... I'm on your side!

TwitterQueen1 Fri 14-Apr-17 12:51:09

YANBU to be annoyed, but do you know WHY it's this particular holiday she is so desperate to go on? If you know her reasons then it would be easier for you to find something that satisfies both of you - plus the DC.

Ellisandra Fri 14-Apr-17 12:51:51

Also - I have a friend who "insists" on Scotland every year. Her husband hates it. They both know that. They also both know that after uni it was her that left friends and family behind for his London job. So he thinks: fair's fair.

harderandharder2breathe Fri 14-Apr-17 12:52:13

If you can only afford one holiday then no yanbu to want it to be one you can all enjoy

Penhacked Fri 14-Apr-17 13:04:27

If it is somewhere like CP or camping, I get it. Does she want something child friendly and you want a city break or something?

Karanka Fri 14-Apr-17 13:08:47

It's a music festival. She went every year she was at university and is pretty obsessed with it. I went three times with her and varied between 'yeah, it's OK' to 'Jesus, this is a nightmare.'

greenworm Fri 14-Apr-17 13:09:44

Sounds like she is being very unreasonable. Though I'd like to know both of your reasons for wanting/not wanting that holiday.

greenworm Fri 14-Apr-17 13:11:15

Does it have to be your only/main holiday, or could she do that on her own and you do something else altogether?

LindyHemming Fri 14-Apr-17 13:11:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ellisandra Fri 14-Apr-17 13:12:05

That could easily come under "suck it up, it's important to her".

If it's a long weekend that she loves, and you have two other holidays a year.

If every spare penny goes into it, different matter. You're a bit sparse with your info!

Birdsgottaf1y Fri 14-Apr-17 13:14:06

I think that it's unfair that she'd never get to take the children to something that she loves. That may be a memory that your children cherish in the future.

Could't she decide one year and you the next? That's if you cant afford two holidays because i think it's fine to holiday without your Partner.

Ellisandra Fri 14-Apr-17 13:15:00

Just re-read - she's not even making you come!

She loves it enough to go 3x (during uni?) and 3x after taking you. Now as you have multiple kids, I guess she hasn't been able to go for a while?

Why wouldn't you want to enable something she cares about?

thatdearoctopus Fri 14-Apr-17 13:16:59

A festival???
I'd rather chew my own arm off.

CassandraAusten Fri 14-Apr-17 13:18:54

Is it a festival in the U.K.? Can you go on holiday as well or is this your only family holiday?

ghostyslovesheets Fri 14-Apr-17 13:18:58


BounceBounceSplishSplash Fri 14-Apr-17 13:20:09

If she'll be paying it all herself, her and the DC can go on their own. If she's expecting you to pay some or all then YANBU and you should go somewhere that you both agree on.

witsender Fri 14-Apr-17 13:20:15

Well sure, she can go with the kids. She isn't making you go is she?

limon Fri 14-Apr-17 13:20:21


TheCakes Fri 14-Apr-17 13:22:18

A festival? No biggie. Let her go and take the kids, and book a nice holiday for the family, or a weekend break for the two of you.

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