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To be angry and upset with my DM?

(86 Posts)
onthettcbus Fri 14-Apr-17 10:46:25

Ddog was bought for me when I was 15 and became the 'family' dog as I was still a child and she has continued to live with my mum whilst I lived away at university, mum paid for all vaccinations etc as I had no income, dog is now 9 and has been perfectly healthy up until now. The issue is her pet insurance has always been taken from dm's bank as it was set up when she was a puppy and as far as I was aware dm had continued to pay it, I have asked her several times in the past if the pet insurance is still set up and she has lied and said yes it's fine and she didn't want me to pay it, which I would have been more than happy to do. Now ddog has taken ill and requires 600 pounds worth of veterinary treatment and mum has confessed that she has cancelled her pet insurance and is not willing to pay the bill. I am upset as I am almost four months pregnant, money is tight and all she said was 'well, you should have taken responsibility for your own dog and not relied on someone else then shouldn't you'. I will pay it as there is no way I will let her suffer but i will have to use credit cards or some of the savings that I had put away for the baby. Am I i being unreasonable to be angry with her or should I have just taken responsibility for the pet insurance myself?

onthettcbus Fri 14-Apr-17 10:51:33

Oh and ddog does still live with my mum!

itsmine Fri 14-Apr-17 10:51:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ahickiefromkinickie Fri 14-Apr-17 10:52:51

YANBU. You asked her if she was keeping up with the payments and she said yes. If she had said no, you would have taken out insurance yourself.

I would be telling her via calmly that what she did was inexcusable and she showed a lack of foresight, and to blame you now is childish.

Presumably DM has day to day care of the dog, so why does she only become your responsibility when a £600 bill needs paying.

ImperialBlether Fri 14-Apr-17 10:53:22

If the dog lives with your mum, it's your mum's responsibility. Don't go into debt because she's lied to you.

AngelThursday Fri 14-Apr-17 10:53:35

Well I think when you asked her about it why did she lie? You can't take responsibility for something if you don't actually know what's going on. I think I'd ask her why she lied? So no, I don't think YABU
Hope doggie gets better soon flowers

neonrainbow Fri 14-Apr-17 10:54:44

Not sure why you weren't taking care of your dogs insurance yourself. If everyone accepts its your dog then its your responsibility.

Minniemagoo Fri 14-Apr-17 10:55:58

Does Ddog still live with your mum? Because if so it sounds like Ddog os yours in name only. After all your mum will have been paying for food etc.
Also from your Op it sounds like you haven't been financially independent for long, if you were 15 getting dog and then uni you can't have been qualified for more than a couple of years and now have a baby on the way.
Not great your mum lied to you re the dogs health insurance but it sounds like she hasn't thought you can afford it.
£600 is a lot of money if its a choice between going into debt on credit card or skimping on baby purchases. Maybe look to see if the vets have an easy pay option.

VimFuego101 Fri 14-Apr-17 10:59:57

It sounds like the dog is your mum's given it still doesn't live with you.

onthettcbus Fri 14-Apr-17 11:00:43

Yes she does still live with my mum, it's the lying that has made me upset and angry as all of this could have been avoided if she would have just been honest and asked me to pay it instead of leading me to believe that she was happy to pay it.

ImperialBlether Fri 14-Apr-17 11:11:59

In which way is the dog yours? It lives with your mum and she feeds it and walks it, I assume? Your mum has to bear the responsibility for the vet's fees; it's her dog!

dilapidated Fri 14-Apr-17 11:14:36

It's your mums responsibility

LagunaBubbles Fri 14-Apr-17 11:19:14

Its completely your Mums responisibility, the dog lives with her and she feeds it - that makes it her dog. Doesnt sound as if there was any agreement for you to take the dog when you moved out.

EweAreHere Fri 14-Apr-17 11:21:58

I think the dog is your mum's responsibility. Tell her she should be taking care of the dog's bill, and that she would actively be making her impending grandchild's life more difficult if she doesn't as you will have to go into debt and will struggle to pay for the things she needs.

onthettcbus Fri 14-Apr-17 11:28:29

She becomes 'my responsibility' when it comes to larger costs, for example i pay for all her grooming costs and I have done even when i was working part time at college and then also whilst i was living on a student loan at uni, although I don't mind as I love her. This has taught me a lesson to never, ever, buy a child a animal as a present!

onthettcbus Fri 14-Apr-17 11:29:54

Dm only paid for costs such as vaccinations that occured before I was 16 when I had no income as I was still a child at school.

onthettcbus Fri 14-Apr-17 11:32:02

I have offered to have her come and live with me but dm says she is happy to have her which is slightly confusing as to who the responsibility lies with I suppose!

RedSkyAtNight Fri 14-Apr-17 11:42:55

Not a pet owner so don't know how much insurance is, but presumably 9 years of pet insurance would be of the order of £600 so if OP was happy to pay pet insurance this is not really any more (appreciate it's a shock as a lump sum).

Sounds to me as if this is actually DM's dog, in which case it's up to her whether she wishes to pay for pet insurance or for vet care.

ohfourfoxache Fri 14-Apr-17 11:46:39

I'd get ddog back if I were you- not sure I'd be able to trust my mum after this

Fishbiscuits Fri 14-Apr-17 11:50:23

I don't think it's confusing whose responsibility the dog is at all. If it lives with your mum, it's hers. If she wants you to pay the bills for "your" dog then the dog lives with you (assuming you want it). Don't offer to have the dog if she wants, tell her. Is your mother usually manipulative? She seems to have managed to get you to pay the bills for her pet, and to have almost convinced you she's doing you a favour here!

LittleOwl153 Fri 14-Apr-17 11:53:03

I think I would be suggesting it is her dog as it lives with her so she should pay. If you pay I would take it home from vets to your house.

onthettcbus Fri 14-Apr-17 11:53:34

I think I am going to bring her back and live with me, I can't trust dm after this. She also keeps insisting that I am being dramatic and over exaggerating the cost and seriousness of ddogs illness so I am worried that she won't necessarily tell me or be honest in the future If dog is ill.

Procrastination4 Fri 14-Apr-17 11:56:21

Not sure what kind of policy your mother had, but here in Ireland, policies I've looked at are worth far less by the time the dog is older and they won't cover bills. They cover far more when the dog is young-but, unless your dog has a serious accident or whatever when young, they usually don't require much more than usual trip to vet for vaccinations. I had insurance for my dog but, when I looked at the policy properly I cancelled it, as I felt I'd be paying insurance when I didn't really need it, and then if I did when dog was older, they wouldn't cover bills anyway. In that case I decided it was better to keep my money and pay for anything he may need when older, myself.
Insurance companies, alas, are out to make profit, and are not charitable organisations! They'll set the terms to suit themselves. Perhaps your mother felt the same about it? However, she should have told you so, rather than pretend she was paying it.

dilapidated Fri 14-Apr-17 11:57:15

My dog lives with my mum.

I used to contribute by paying for food and toys and bed and insurance.

Then I tried to take him on holiday once and mum wouldn't let me as she thought he would be happier with them.

This made me realise that he's not my dog anymore and I will never get to take him home with me.

So I've stopped paying towards him.

If she wants him as her pet, it's her pet.

If she wants me to pay for him I'm keeping him with me

RachelRagged Fri 14-Apr-17 11:59:39

Hope Ddog is alright, and your DM is speaking shite. Of course its not your fault . not like you never asked, more than once, re the Insurance issue .

Yes take DDog to live with you . Will likely be difficult with a newborn , though how old is Ddog ? I know some dogs quieten down in adulthood sort of thing.

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