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Sex post baby

(53 Posts)
Missmac84 Fri 14-Apr-17 00:37:34

My DH hinted at us having sex tonight. 5 weeks post baby....
AIBU in thinking it's too soon?
My stitches from the tear haven't gone yet, I feel shattered constantly and I don't feel in the least bit sexy, attractive or desirable!
Should I stop thinking about me and start thinking about him?
I must add - he would never push for it - I've said no and he absolutely respects that and wouldn't keep pestering until he knew I was ready. But part of me feels guilty.....

ItchyFoot Fri 14-Apr-17 00:42:34

Definitely don't do it with stitches! You should never have sex out of guilt but especially not after just giving birth.
It took months and several attempts for sex not to be painful after dd1. With dd2 we managed when she was 22 weeks and it didn't hurt.

ItchyFoot Fri 14-Apr-17 00:43:08

And that was all following my lead when I felt ready.

Mrsknackered Fri 14-Apr-17 00:46:10

Oh my goodness do not even attempt with stitches. I did 14 weeks after with DC1 and it was fine, tried much sooner with DC2 and it was really painful sad

AndNoneForGretchenWieners Fri 14-Apr-17 00:46:19

I waited ages (at least 3 months if not more) because I was staying with my parents post birth and DH didn't have sleepovers - he would come in the day and go home in the evening. I was really scared of it being painful but it was fine. I wouldn't want to feel pressured though, I'm stubborn like that so if he was hinting I would think on your bike mate.

hellopeoplehowareyou Fri 14-Apr-17 01:14:37

Sorry I'm going to get battered for saying this blush with dd1 I waited 6 days (no stitches) dd2 1 week (episiotomy with stitches) dd3 1 week (small tear)

I honestly just needed the closeness and the normality and to feel like me again. My partner was gentle, didn't push me and it's what I wanted. We made love ( corny I know!) and it didn't hurt or harm me.
It's completely down to the individual but to me 5 weeks seems like a long enough time to heal. I was back to doing school runs and normal life within 24 hours stitches or no stitches.

AssassinatedBeauty Fri 14-Apr-17 01:43:20

It's entirely up to you and whether you feel comfortable. Don't worry about what anyone else would do and don't push yourself to do something because you feel guilty or because you think you should. I'm sure your DH would be horrified if he thought you were uncomfortable or doing it just to placate him. There's altogether too much pressure on women after they've given birth, in all sorts of ways.

MissJC Fri 14-Apr-17 01:59:28

I DTD 5 weeks after episiotomy 2nd degree tear but my stitches healed really well and I felt confident enough to do it. I felt no discomfort whatsoever. I think if you don't feel ready then you aren't likely to enjoy it - you will probably tense up and be uncomfortable not to mention desert fanjo.

It is all down to you and how you feel. A close friend of mine (same degree tear) waited 3 months and still felt it was a bit...ahem...tight.

Let your body decide if YABU.

SquedgieBeckenheim Fri 14-Apr-17 02:33:17

DH and I had we 5 weeks post birth. Sitches all healed and I felt ready. He'd have waited as long as I needed.
It has to be when you are ready.

FreddieFlowerdew Fri 14-Apr-17 03:42:57

Another post chiming in to say definitely don't do it while healing! It might have been okay for other posters but they put themselves at risk of damaging themselves, breaking their stitches, inviting infection and causes all sorts of trouble down there. Absolutely bonkers.

froofroomcgoo Fri 14-Apr-17 04:30:34

Its up to you. Do it when you feel ready.

I waited 9 weeks. It was awful and so painful. 18mobths on and I still hate sex. Its painful and uncomfortable. We've done less than 10 times since DS was born and I'd happily never do it again. Seems a bit unfair on DH though.

milpool Fri 14-Apr-17 04:57:41

Christ no wait until your stitches have healed at least!

DD1 I waited about 8/9 weeks I think (episiotomy, stitches that came apart so had to heal without). It was very tender.

DD2 I waited just under 4 weeks and could probably have done it sooner. No tears or stitches at all.

If/when you do decide to do it, take it very slowly and use plenty of lube. And obviously don't forget about contraception (it's easy done!).

You have NOTHING to feel guilty about. Your body is healing! There is no one size fits all approach to this.

TheConstantCakeEater Fri 14-Apr-17 07:24:30

When you feel ready. With DC2 that ended up being 7 months due to velcro baby/slow recovery/BF/hormones and DH didn't moan once.

BalaRua Fri 14-Apr-17 07:42:12

Me and DH tried 5weeks pp after I had 2nd degree tear and it really hurt. Tried again at 7 weeks and it was fine. Don't do it if you don't feel ready.

Mysterycat23 Fri 14-Apr-17 07:47:50

You need to explore down there yourself a bit first to assess. E.g. in the shower, very gently!

By all means try but for God's sake if it hurts STOP.

Be aware you can get pregnant too and use a condom!

joannegrady90 Fri 14-Apr-17 07:48:08

I wouldn't advise it to be honest, you wouldn't want to tear your stitches and you might need time to heal and do your pelvic floor exercises to get back to normal iyswim

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 Fri 14-Apr-17 07:54:02

It's totally down too you and when you feel ready. Also depends on whether you have healed.

Everybody is different I had sex 2 weeks after giving birth, but I was healed and was ready for sex.

Headofthehive55 Fri 14-Apr-17 07:59:52

2/3 days after one (no stitches) and over a year after a csection. All births are different.

Oysterbabe Fri 14-Apr-17 08:01:25

Reading about waiting only a week is actually making me squirm. What about the lochia?!

There's no right answer, whenever you feel ready. It took me 12 weeks.

RainyDayBear Fri 14-Apr-17 08:51:28

I had a CS and it still took me six weeks to feel ready! If you're not ready then don't force yourself - he shouldn't be pushing the issue.

Keepingupwiththejonesys Fri 14-Apr-17 08:54:48

I dtd 8 weeks after my first, 4 weeks after my second and 5/6 weeks after my third. My third is now 8 weeks and it all feels fine, no stitches or anything this time though. With my second I had a small tear but it healed very quickly. With my first I had a 2nd degree and it took a.while to heal. It was healed by around 7 weeks then we waited another week to be sure. Dtd wasnt 'right' until about 12 weeks though tbh. You should definitely wait until you're gully healed though. If you do if now and further damage down there for 1 it will really put you of doing it again and for 2 you're at risk of infection

Keepingupwiththejonesys Fri 14-Apr-17 08:57:21

Gully healed shockblush my word autocorrect!!! I meant fully!

Missmac84 Fri 14-Apr-17 08:59:06

Thanks for the replies.

I do need to stress that I said he would never push me.... he's absolutely not that type of guy. He would wait as long as it takes.

My stitches are still there although it feels healed. Think I need to ask to have it checked at my 6 week check as I thought the stitches would have dissolved/gone by now.


mirime Fri 14-Apr-17 10:45:05

It was after the 6 week check for us, I had an episiotomy, a third degree tear and an awful lot of stitches. Took a few attempts as well as it was sore and uncomfortable the first few times. Try when you feel ready and say stop if you need to.

hellopeoplehowareyou Fri 14-Apr-17 18:20:15

Lochia only lasts 2-5 days and the rest is just blood. I was active straight after birth, didn't sit down and breastfed which sped up the shedding process for me.

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