AIBU to cancel the dcs summer holiday??

[MozzchopsThirty]

I've just taken them away for a few days and their behaviour was appalling!
They fight over everything ds1(12) constantly picks on ds2(7) pushing him, standing on the back of his feet, tagging him etc etc
The 3 days away were totally exhausting

So AIBU to consider not taking them away for 2 weeks in the summer?
It's bloody expensive and it's my holiday too, I don't see why I should pay to be a referee for 2 weeks and just look like I have no control of them.

I know I'm just being dramatic, but I don't know how to solve this constant battle

[cardibach]

YANBU to not want that. Is DS2 badly behaved too, or is it just DS1? Can you talk to DS1 and make it clear there will be no holiday if he doesn't shape up? Set actual targets?

[Chloe84]

YANBU. Could you leave them with DGPs and go away for a week yourself?

[PastysPrincess]

If they are just gonna be little shits anyway you might as well cancel and save the money for something else....a nice spa weekend for you and DP with the kids packed off to the GP??

[elQuintoConyo]

Fair enough. Just wait until they're older and less annoying .

I would lie through my teeth about why you're not going - not a big enough holiday pot this year, or some such crap. It'd be mean to simply say "you behaved like a couple of arseless monkeys at Easter, so we won't take you away again".

Touch wood they'll grow out of it.

[Justmadeperfectflapjacks]

I wouldn't take them. .
Or you will need a holiday to recover from the holiday.
Holidays aren't compulsory. .

[defineme]

That sounds hellish for your ds2

[MozzchopsThirty]

I have threatened already but they just laugh at my bluffing

I've taken them away every year, but I think as ds1 had started high school this year he's changed into a stroppy Kevin/perry type whereas ds2 is still just funny rather than a PITA!

I'm already having a holiday with dd (21) but I could quite happily use the summer holiday money elsewhere

[HermioneJeanGranger]

Poor DS2.

What are the consequences for DS1 when he bullies his little brother?

[OhTheRoses]

Book some long weekends in the UK. Haven and the like. If they behave, there might be a better holiday next year.

or

Spend the holiday money on an agency nanny for a week and take yourself for a spa weekend.

[MozzchopsThirty]

It was difficult to impose consequences whilst we were away
But at home he loses his laptop, time with friends, has to do chores etc when his behaviour is poor

[TheRealPooTroll]

YABU though I can sympathise that you must be exasperated with the situation. But cancelling the holiday won't be some kind of wake up call that will make them behave perfectly. It would be better to come up with some strategies to manage their behaviour day to day then hopefully you can all enjoy the holiday.

[MozzchopsThirty]

But day to day they're great, the usual sibling squabbles but normal weeks and weekends are good

Holiday time though OMG

[Wolfiefan]

So he knows there won't be consequences and acts up? So choose different consequences.

[Questioningeverything]

Leave the stroppy git with someone else. My mum did that to my sister, she never took the piss again. Well, nowhere near as bad. Lesson learned. And I didn't screw up cause I was younger and learned from someone else's mistakes 😂

[Madbengalmum]

I think you've got to follow through with this threat, I wouldn't have them laughing at me when i was trying to get them to behave.

[MozzchopsThirty]

Yes I did the same with dd when she was younger, worked a treat

[SallyGinnamon]

I got so cross after squabbling ruined an expensive day out that I swore I wasn't going to organise another until they learned to be civil to each other.

That's five years ago and we're now too old for day trips and I miss it. Things sort of fell by the wayside.

However at 17 and nearly 14 we've just had a great few days in Rome and they've got on like a house on fire!

What am I trying to say? They'll get on eventually but if you cancel until they're civil you might all miss out on fun in the mean time.

[CatsDogsandDC]

Book them (or DS1 anyway) into Summer camp with PGL or similar

[PurpleCrazyHorse]

If you've threatened, then you need to follow through. However if that feels harsh, then give them the option to work back some holiday treats, nothing in the league of a holiday, but days out etc. Depending on your budget, it might even be possible for them to earn a weekend away during the holidays.

Good luck though, it sounds horrible.

[MozzchopsThirty]

I've just told them I'm reconsidering the summer holiday
They're away with exh next week so it'll be interesting to see if he has to put up with the same

[ragz134]

Our first proper holiday with the kids was awfully tiring and they fought a lot. We had all three in one bedroom so bedtime was hell. I came back vowing to never go away with them again.
We did go again and I decided that actually, giving them access to their electronics/tablets and leaving them to do what they wanted so I could relax/read/drink wine made for a much better holiday all round!

[PandoraMole]

I don't think it's a bad idea tbh.

If they're ok on a day to day basis, perhaps you can use the holiday money for days out instead - less intense and more flexible if they start playing up?

[JorahsMissus]

I feel your pain, every year we tell ourselves it'll be different, we'll do X, Y and Z to keep them busy but every year DS1 gets bored and starts picking on DS2 who moans if DS1 even looks in his direction. Then when DD came along and ended up really sick on the first holiday and then wouldn't nap/sleep right/wanted to live in the pool on the 2nd, we said fuck it and have booked a house on the west coast of Ireland (we're in the north) so that it's a)cheaper b)close enough to home that we can threaten to send whichever one is being a dick back home c)hopefully more relaxing and less stressful than travelling abroad d)has wifi and an xbox.

I'm so relieved we cancelled our plan to go abroad this year.

[ForTheSakeOfFuck]

If the trip was primarily spoiled by DS1, can you not simply take DS2 and have some one-to-one time with him? No squabbling and DS1 gets to feel the consequences of his actions. It's also a subtle warning shot to DS2 that unacceptable behaviour does indeed result in losing out.

I obviously know nothing really about your childcare options so that's possibly pie-in-the-sky thinking.

[ModreB]

I asked DS1 what a bully felt like. He was badly bullied at Primary School. I pointed out that what he was doing was bullying DS3. He changed and is the best big brother ever.