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Aibu to have stepped in.?

(66 Posts)
DiddysMammy Thu 13-Apr-17 18:24:05

So.. it's the Easter holidays as many of us know.. I was out with a friend earlier picking up some tickets from my local theatre. Before heading home I headed to the loo with my DD. There was man and a lady in a wheel chair having a pop at a lady with a buggy and 4 young children. She was looking very stressed and upset. The man and the lady in the wheelchair were having a go at the poor lady for using the disabled loo (it does have a baby change).
They were ranting and raving at her about people taking advantage of facilities for disabled people.. she was trying to explain that 2 of the children weren't hers and that she used the disabled loo because it was the only way she could ensure the safety of all 4 children while they all used the toilet.. she hadn't been in there for very long and she was sorry for the delay etc etc..

The theatre was VERY busy and she had just been upstairs to an activity (our local borough holds free events in school holidays) I could see the lady with the children getting redder and redder and the cue for the ladies was out the door so I just popped myself between the to sides and said "look all the while you are stood here having a go at this lady you could have used the loo and got on with your day"

The lady with the children looked relieved while couple looked rather PO.

I smiled a sympathetic smile at the lady with the children and moved into the loo.. my friend then asked me what the fuss was. I explained and she said I shouldn't have stepped in. The lady with the children was in the wrong.. I honestly don't think she was. I have on occasion used the disabled loo when I have my children with me as toilet cubicles aren't built for double buggies and extra people. I would never use one while on my own or with one DC.

Was the lady in the wrong? Was I bu to step in?

glueandstick Thu 13-Apr-17 18:25:55

You did a kind thing and she was completely in the right.

The couple were tossers.

WorraLiberty Thu 13-Apr-17 18:26:33

I'm guessing you're new to Mumsnet?

Unless she was using the baby change facility, she shouldn't have been in there.

DiddysMammy Thu 13-Apr-17 18:28:06

She did have a young baby. Plus a little one who was probably around the same age as my 2 yr old.

LadyLoveYourWhat Thu 13-Apr-17 18:28:11

You were right to step in, even if the woman was in the wrong (and I don't think she was being particularly unreasonable), there's no need to rant and rave at someone, a simple statement of fact would have done.

Hercules12 Thu 13-Apr-17 18:28:11

I'm sympathetic but the toilets are I assume for people with disabilities and she didn't have a disability. Was she using the changing table?

harderandharder2breathe Thu 13-Apr-17 18:28:19

If there was baby changing elsewhere then yes she was wrong to use the disabled. If there's no other baby changes then she was completely in the right. However either way the people shouting at her were in the wrong.

It's never ok to shout at someone, and it's never ok to assume someone doesn't have a perfectly valid reason for using the disabled toilet (colostomy bag etc). Because for the majority that are just taking the proverbial piss there will be some that genuinely need the disabled facilities and who may not want to discuss stomas etc with strangers in public.

So yes you were right to step in.

HecateAntaia Thu 13-Apr-17 18:28:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedHelenB Thu 13-Apr-17 18:28:58

The older children coukd surely have waited outside for a bit.

Hercules12 Thu 13-Apr-17 18:28:58

If all 4 and her were going to the toilet that would have taken some time.

JustMumNowNotMe Thu 13-Apr-17 18:29:37

No of course she wasn't in the wrong!

in an ideal world everywhere would have family toilets but the reality is very few do. What is she meant to do with the kids whilst she has a pee if she doesn't use the disabled?!

I have two under two, I can't leave them outside the toilet on their own and I can't carry them both into the cubicle with me, so if I was in desperate need of the loo I would do the same.

Good on you for stepping up to help her out! smile

ellanutella8 Thu 13-Apr-17 18:31:14

As I read on mumsnet the other day there is no reason disabled people can't queue.

I can understand if they were perhaps desperate to go and were feeling anxious and upset by it but the woman with the four children made a good use of the facilities and doesn't deserve to be humiliated.

JustMumNowNotMe Thu 13-Apr-17 18:31:36

Touch wood I've never actually had to do it, I can wait til I get home to go but if I were desperate and no one was in the accessible toilet and no one was waiting for it I would nip in if i had both littles with me and no one to wait with them.

Meekonsandwich Thu 13-Apr-17 18:32:35

But even IF someone walks out and appears to "take the piss" because they look able bodied, they might have a hidden disability?
needing the handles to get on the loo, a colostomy bag or incontinence/urgency issues so they can't wait?

Ita horrible behaviour to tell at someone you "think" doesn't need disabled facilities.
Especially when the baby change is in there and she had a baby!!!!

MrsBertBibby Thu 13-Apr-17 18:32:35

The wheelchair couple were being arseholes. Yanbu.

humblesims Thu 13-Apr-17 18:36:55

sorry but its ridiculous. Disabled toilets are not for the exclusive use of disabled people. They are merely accessible. There is no reason why an able bodied person shouldnt use them.

MustBookADentistAppointment Thu 13-Apr-17 18:37:20

She was unreasonable. There are lots of reasons some disabled people can't queue, and disabled loos should be kept free for them.

Unless, as a PP pointed out, it's the only baby change. Then, as long as she was using it as a baby change, she was perfectly entitled to be there.

MistressPage Thu 13-Apr-17 18:39:20

Well done for stepping in. It was perfectly fine for her to use the accessible loo. You will get loads of people on here ranting about how selfish it is to use an accessible loo if you're not disabled and coming up with various ludicrous suggestions like 'stretching your leg under the door of a normal cubicle and resting it on the pram wheel', or 'giving your baby/child to a friendly looking stranger to hold' or the particularly hilarious 'laying the baby on the toilet floor while you pee'. Ignore those people. They are idiots. Accessible loos can be used in law by anyone who feels they need them. Anyone who shouts at someone in the manner you describe is an arsehole so well done for helping that poor woman.

Instasista Thu 13-Apr-17 18:39:49

How bloody ridiculous. The couple sound a bit hard of thinking. Well done for stepping in and supporting her against a couple of bullies

MrsBertBibby Thu 13-Apr-17 18:40:15

So what if a disabled person was using the loo, and another disabled person who couldn't wait turned up? Does the disabled person get bawled out? Or someone "legitimately" using the baby change in there?

No one deserves to get yelled at, especially if they're with kids.

greathat Thu 13-Apr-17 18:41:19

I don't understand the whole disabled people can't queue thing. There's usually only one disables loo so they must have to sometimes. Also, as in this case, they are often set up with baby change. Therefore people with babies are equally entitled to use them. You did the right thing OP, well done for saying something

MsJudgemental Thu 13-Apr-17 18:43:08


booellesmum Thu 13-Apr-17 18:43:10

Well done for sticking up for her.
If she hadn't used the disabled loo and a child had wandered off what would they have said?
They shouldn't have had a go at her anyway - just because you don't look disabled doesn't mean you're not.
What if she had a colostomy bag and needed the space?

GahBuggerit Thu 13-Apr-17 18:44:04

Yanbu, whatever i think of people using facilities for the disabled there was no need for them to be laying into her like that

She should have just said "i understand and I'll try not to be in this situation again" while slowly walking away. And try not to be in that situation again.

ellanutella8 Thu 13-Apr-17 18:44:23

I disagree dentistappointment. Disabled loos may be being used by others with disabilities or may require finding a member of staff to unlock them.
All this means queuing I'm afraid. Plus they can't have been that desperate if they had time to shout at the woman.

Disabled toilet means that it has space to accommodate a wheelchair. That's it.

(as far as I'm aware)

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